Page 125 of When Ben Loved Tim

I finally release the breath I’ve been holding and spin around. A pair of middle-aged women are standing behind us now. I can see Tim and Stacy, a raven-headed pair, walking toward the mall corridor.

“Because he’s our ride,” Ronnie adds.

Allison is watching me with concern. And the hint of a question.

“I don’t think he’s coming back,” I say with burning cheeks.

Ronnie makes a face. “That’s messed up!”

Allison nudges him. “Shh!”

They both glance at me. This is so awkward. And painful.

“It’s cool!” Ronnie says, sounding upbeat. “I’ll call Leon and ask if he’ll pick us up. Or uh… I guess I could walk home and get the car while you guys are watching a movie.”

“What do you think, Ben?” Allison asks.

I contemplate the whole stupid mess and swallow. “Can you have Leon come get us? I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Yeah, sure!” Ronnie says easily. “I’ll call him.”

“Thanks.” I put on a brave smile that Allison sees right through.

The line shuffles forward. I wait until the others are distracted before I set aside the pink shirt that I’m carrying. No matter how good Tim looks in it, I’ll always be reminded of this moment, which I’d already like to scrub from my mind. And besides, after today, I’m not sure I’ll have a boyfriend to give it to, or that I want one anymore.

Chapter Twenty-Three

I’m sitting on the front step of my house, alternating between anger and sorrow. The evening wasn’t a complete disaster. Leon came to pick us up. We ate dinner on the other side of town and went to a different movie theater than originally planned. He was my date, I guess, not that there’s any chemistry between us. I almost wish there was. A white guy with dreads doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks about him. It would be so refreshing to have a boyfriend who was fearless. And loving.

I think about what it’s like to be alone with Tim. He’s affectionate, always touching me and wanting to be close. I adore his artistic side. His body drives me wild. I love the sound of his voice and all the things we talk about. He makes me laugh. And feel beautiful. But then all of that gets bottled up and hidden away when other people are around. Which I thought I could deal with, until tonight, because him ditching me… no, him ditchingmy friendsreally pisses me off. I might have signed up for this sort of thing, but they didn’t. And what happened to his promise to not let his friends pick on people? Stacy dredging up her old nickname for Allison was so uncool. I regret holding my tongue. I guess I’m just as bad, but I did it for him. I should have pounced on Stacy! And then broken up with him. Which might still happen. That’s why I’m out here. When he shows up—and I know he will—we’re going to have a serious talk.

I continue to be buffeted by my turbulent emotions until Tim’s car drives by my house and keeps going. Maybe he didn’t notice me. Doesn’t matter. I’m already on my feet and walking to the place where he usually parks. We meet each other halfway, Tim breaking into a jog when he sees me.

“Benjamin!” he says when nearing. “I’m really sorry!”

“Bullshit!” I snap, taking a step back when he reaches for me. “If you actually cared, you wouldn’t have ditched me and my friends.”

“Ihadto,” Tim says. “You saw what happened.”

“Oh that’s right,” I reply in mock sympathy. “Stacy sure twisted your arm. You couldn’t possibly have made an excuse like, oh I don’t know, ‘I have some more errands to run but I’ll catch up with you guys some other time.’ That would have really blown your cover!”

“She knows,” Tim says, his chest heaving.

I blink in surprise. “What?”

“Stacy thinks she saw you at that party I threw.”

I know for a fact she did. “She brought that up?”

“Yeah. Stacy straight up asked if I was hanging out with you guys. Someone else saw us together too. Except that time, it was just me and you.”

“When?”

“I don’t know. She didn’t say who, but there’s more: Stacy said it’s obvious that you have a thing for me. Then she asked if we’re sneaking around together. I just laughed it off, but she’s smart. I’m not sure she believed me.”

“Good.” I cross my arms over my chest. “Then there’s no reason to keep it a secret.”

“Are you kidding me?” Tim says in disbelief.