Page 51 of When Ben Loved Tim

“Okay,” I say, setting an empty can next to the others. “Let’s do this.”

We work for the better part of four hours. Tim orders a pizza when we get hungry, although we don’t sit down to eat. We take bites in between everything else we need to do. I put on music while picking up trash, partly to keep myself going, but also because I don’t want to talk to him. We’re often in separate rooms anyway. Like when I check the downstairs bathroom and find puke in the sink. “You’re needed in here,” I call as Tim passes by.

“Aw man!” he says when joining me.

“I’ll keep working on the den,” I tell him. “Have fun!”

My mom has always doled out chores to the rest of us, so I’m used to the work, but it’s a lot. Everyone who was here had a complete disregard for the state the house was left in, which really gets my back up. Even when things start to look normal again. Tim tries to say something to me as I’m vacuuming, but the noise is too loud to hear him clearly, and I sure as hell don’t feel like stopping for some chitchat. Instead I scowl and keep moving the machine back and forth until he takes the hint and wanders off. Although I run out of convenient excuses eventually.

“I think we’re good!” Tim says, joining me in the den.

I’m stretching to reach the bra hanging off an antler. Tim pushes himself up on his toes and swipes it easily. “I wonder who this belongs to,” he murmurs.

“Krista, probably,” I snap.

“Nah,” Tim says, holding the bra up to his chest. “Wrong size.”

I clench my jaw. “I saw you kissing her.”

“What?”

“Last night.” My hand trembles as I point at the couch. “You were sitting right there.”

Tim looks in that direction and swallows. “Oh.”

“Oh?” I repeat. “That’s it? After kissing me on all those walks we went on? You don’t have anything else to say?”

Tim furrows his brow. “She’s my girlfriend.”

“So what am I?” I ask, pounding on my chest. “Just some game that you’re playing?”

“No!” Tim says, taking a step toward me. “I like you, Benjamin. For real.”

I laugh without humor. “Obviously! That’s why you ditched me so your asshole friends could come over and trash your house. Where are they now, huh? How come Krista isn’t here cleaning up this mess? If they’re so much more important to you than I am, then where are they?”

Tim looks pained. “They aren’t more important than you.”

“Prove it!” I say. “Drive me to school on Monday. Walk with me down the hall. Sit with me at lunch. Tell them all who your new friend is.”

Tim swallows. “It’s more complicated than that.”

“Of course it is,” I snarl, shaking my head. “Let me make it nice and simple for you: We’re done! Whatever the hell this is, I want out!” I’m already turning to leave.

He tries to grab my wrist, like he always does, but I yank my arm away. “Don’t touch me!” The words come out sounding wounded rather than defiant.

“Benjamin,” he says, his voice warbling, “please don’t go.”

“Are you sure you want me to stay?” I ask, nodding at the clock. “Your parents will be home soon.”

A hint of fear betrays his silver eyes.

“Call me if you ever grow a pair,” I growl.

My heart is thudding in my ears, making it impossible to hear his apology. But that’s just another fantasy. He’s not sorry. It’s time to wake up. I leave his house and walk down the street, my hands clenched into fists in an attempt to stop them from shaking. My legs feel unsteady, my breaths short and shallow. I don’t want to do this. I hate it! And yet, I also know that I can’t turn back. I have too much pride.

I get so lost in my thoughts that I’m surprised to have made it home already. As soon as I push through the front door, my mom appears out of the kitchen, her concern turning to anger.

“Where were you?” she demands. “I went up to your room this morning and you were gone! Your bed wasn’t even slept in!”