Page 87 of What He Always Knew
Cameron helped me out of the car, closing the door behind me, and then we stood there together, strangers and lovers all at once.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “I know last night was… I’m sorry, for leaving the way I did, and for sleeping in the guest room. I figured you needed your space.”
“I did. Thank you. And don’t apologize,” I added, shaking my head as I looked down at my little white sneakers in the dirt. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
Cameron breathed out a laugh, grabbing my hands in his. “I have many things that fall under that category, actually. I think you and I both know that.”
I smiled, but it fell quickly, my eyes still on the dirt beyond our hands.
“I have something for you.”
Cameron pulled his hands away, reaching into his back pocket to reveal a long, slender, black velvet box. He held it in both hands like an offering, like I was his queen, and I traced the edges of that box before my eyes trailed up his arms to his face.
“What is it?”
He swallowed, searching my eyes with his own as he opened the box.
For a moment, I just looked at him — at my husband — my own face mirrored in the warm brown reflection of his eyes. The way he looked in that moment reminded me of a day long ago, a day when he was unusually quiet, when I wondered for hours what was on his mind. He’d had the same crease between his brows that day, the same slight tremble in his hands.
It was the day he proposed.
I let myself breathe in that memory a moment longer before I finally gazed down, and when I did, I gasped.
Inside the box was a small, gold bracelet.
It was dainty, the chain slender and light, and in the center of it rested four stones. The center ones were an emerald and a sapphire, the green and blue gems reflecting the sunlight above us as Cameron carefully removed the bracelet from the box. Those two stones were hugged by pearls on each end, and I stared at those pearls as Cameron held the bracelet carefully, signaling for me to hold out my wrist.
“I know today is a day that will change our lives,” he said as I extended my hand forward, turning my wrist up. “And I also know your heart hurts today. I knowIhave hurt you, that I have failed you as a husband in so many ways, but I also know thatyouknow I love you.”
He clasped the bracelet, and I turned my palm down again, staring at where the gemstones rested across my petite wrist bones.
“The emerald is your birth stone,” he said, holding my forearm in one hand as he used the other to point out the stones. “The sapphire is mine. And the pearls are for Jeremiah and Derrick.”
My heart squeezed at the sound of their names coming from Cameron’s lips, and though I knew it was unlikely, I swore I felt my newest child stir to life inside me, too.
“No matter what happens today, I want you to have us,” he said, his voice tender and soft. “I want you to remember me, and them. I’m sorry I ever tried to make you forget, that I ever thought that would fix the hole left in your heart by their passing.”
He tilted my chin up then, his knuckle resting there as he searched my eyes.
“I want you to stay, Charlie,” he whispered, his voice breaking on my name. “God,do I want you to stay. But no matter what you decide today, I want you to know it’s okay. I’m okay. As long as you’re happy, as long as your life is what you want it to be, I will be happy, too.”
“Cameron…”
“No, no, don’t say anything,” he pleaded. “Not yet. Please, just… if this is my last day to call you my own, let me have today.”
My eyes welled with tears, and I stared at my husband through them, wishing I could comfort him. I wished I could take his pain and Reese’s both. I wished I could go back and dosomething,anything, that might have prevented the pain from happening in the first place.
“I will be at home waiting for you tonight,” he said after a moment. “No matter what the decision is, it’s okay. Just… come home, and we will figure it out together.”
I rolled my lips between my teeth, holding them there as I nodded.
Cameron smiled, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine, like he was taking in the way the sunshine looked reflected in them just one last time. Then, he let my hand go, stepping back and releasing the tension between us.
“Let’s go talk to Jeremiah,” he said, and he held out an arm to escort me.
I slipped my hand inside, wrapping it around his bicep, and together we walked in a sort of daze toward the crowd.
I spoke with Jeremiah and his family, talked to my parents, listened intently as my father gave a speech, and clapped loudly with the rest of the crowd as the first shovel was planted into the ground. I watched as my husband shook hands with the mayor and Jeremiah’s parents, stared as he took photo after photo, and even smiled bright and confidently when I was asked to join.