Page 35 of What He Always Knew

There were no words as my orgasm built fiery and fast, three pumps of his hips getting me to the top before I soared over the edge. He stayed deep when he felt me shaking around him, flexing his hips in smaller pumps that hit that spot over and over as I came. And I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything other than feel him in that moment.

It was the sweetest release, and at the end of it, I collapsed to the bed, hips dropping into the comforter as my back ached in the best possible way.

Cameron slowed, releasing my hair from his grip as he kissed gently down my back. I shivered under his feather-light kisses, shaking more when he withdrew, and he kissed my lower back softly before helping me roll to my back.

He took his time climbing back up my body, his lips and tongue savoring each stop along the way — my thighs, my stomach, my ribs, my breasts, my collarbone, my neck, before he finally settled between my legs and tasted my mouth with his own. I moaned into that kiss, arching up toward him, aching for him to fill me again until he found his own ecstasy.

He pulled back from our kiss, hand sweeping my hair away as his eyes searched mine, and in that moment, I saw it — the pain. It pained him to touch me, to have me, when he felt like he didn’t deserve to. He swallowed, brows bending together, and as he lowered another kiss to my lips, I replied to what he couldn’t say out loud.

“I love you, too, Cameron,” I whispered. “I love you, too.”

He sighed, shaking his head just once before his lips found mine again, hot and needy, and his thighs spread my own so he could slide inside me once more.

I was tighter now, my climax making me swell with want, and we both groaned at the way it felt when he stretched me open for him again. I ran my hands through his hair, tightening my grip and holding on as he flexed into me, over and over, slow at first before picking up a steady rhythm.

And he didn’t watch my modest breasts as they bounced when he came, nor did he curse or groan. He just watched me, his eyes fixed on my own, his mouth falling open as a longing sigh left his lips and landed on mine. He pulsed out his release inside me, his hands gripping me tight, as if I’d float away once the moment was over. And when it was, my name was all he whispered before he kissed me.

He rolled to his side, taking me with him, his lips still soft on mine as he stroked my hair back away from my face. His eyes were closed now, and when he pressed his forehead to mine, our breaths slowing, I let my eyes fall shut, too.

And though he was all I wanted that night, and though I was sated and satisfied, I couldn’t ignore the familiar, lonely ache that crept its way up through my chest. Because Cameron had opened up to me that night, he’d let me in, and so I felt closer to him, yet still so far away — like we had both crossed our ends of the bridge, but were still separated by a five-foot jump between the two.

He had given me so much that evening, but there was still so much he held.

Could I find comfort in what he’d offered? Could I hold onto that small bit of light, hoping it would eventually grow tenfold and show me everything he’d hidden away over the years? And even if he could, I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that one happy night with Cameron was enough to erase what I’d felt with Reese.

Even now, laying in Cameron’s arms, I wondered if Reese was thinking of me. I wondered when I would see him next, and what I would feel when I did. It didn’t matter that I was angry with him, or that he’d kept Blake from me — I still wanted him.

Because though Cameron had made me happy tonight, Reese had made me happy first — after years of being dead inside, and well before Cameron had even woken up to see he was losing me.

And was that the only reason he was trying? Was he only doing what he thought he had to do to keep me, or was it what he wanted, too? Would it all stop if I stayed, if I came home to him? Would we slip back into that numb existence Reese had found me in just over two months ago?

I couldn’t be sure, but I tried with everything I had to let what he’d given me be enough. And for the first time in years, as I fell asleep in my husband’s arms that night, I tucked my thoughts away, and I felt at peace.

For the first time in years, he felt like home.

Cameron

There were two things I was constantly aware of when it came to time.

One was that I didn’t have much of it. That one had been something I’d recognized early and easily. Two months wasn’t long — no one would dispute that. But the second reality that I had learned later was that time was also fragile.

My weekend with Charlie had been everything I’d wanted it to be — maybe even more. She’d come back to me, opened up, let me in, and I’d crawled into her like a shelter from the darkest storm. Bringing her back to Garrick had the exact effect I wanted. It reminded her of a time when it was just us, when we fell in love, and I knew that — at least for the weekend — she was mine. All mine. Only mine.

But time had passed.

Now, it was Wednesday. We unpacked our bags late Sunday night, crawled into bed together, and fell asleep with content smiles on our faces. But on Monday morning, she came back here — to Westchester.

To him.

And ever since then, I’d felt her pulling away again.

The heels of my dress shoes clicked through the vacant halls as I made my way to Charlie’s classroom. It had been so long since I’d been there, but I still knew the way. I used to surprise her all the time — for lunch, for holidays, for no reason at all, flowers in hand.

But just like with watching her get ready, I’d stopped coming to Westchester somewhere along the way.

And now, it washisterritory, and I felt like the first soldier crossing over enemy lines.

Tomorrow, she would get on a plane and fly down to Florida to spend an entire weekend with Reese. It killed me,literallyI felt my heart threaten to stop beating any time I let myself really think about it. But it was happening, and I couldn’t control that.