Page 25 of What He Always Knew

Cameron was taking me on a trip.

I didn’t have any other details outside of that. He gave me a small packing list of things I would need, and told me we would leave tonight after he got off work. He also said we wouldn’t return until Sunday evening.

I had no idea where we were going, but it didn’t really matter.

All I knew was that I didn’t want to go.

I sighed as I tucked my shoes in first, following Cameron’s guidelines to pack casual, comfortable, and warm clothes. And as the methodical task of playing Tetris in that suitcase took over my hands, my mind slipped away, taking me to the one place I dreaded more than wherever it was Cameron was taking me.

To thoughts of Reese.

Just a simple whisper of his name in my subconscious made me shove my clothes in harder, wedging them into the spaces with a curl in my lip. It had been just hours since he’d told me about what he’d done, and those hours weren’t enough for me to cool down from the boiling temperature he’d set my blood at.

He’d slept with her.

Not only had he slept with her, but he’d fed me another baking sheet full of bullshit cookiesbeforetelling me that he’d slept with her. He’d actually had me, too. He’d had me in the palm of his hand, eating up every lie he told, believing that he didn’t love Blake like he loved me, that she didn’t mean anything.

Stupid.

He begged me to believe him when he said it was meaningless, the morning they had shared, but how could I? Everything he’d said to me felt hollow and fake now, especially without his hands and lips to seal the promises he whispered against my skin.

Reese Walker had betrayed my trust, just like my husband.

And yet I loved him still.

That was the most frustrating part, I realized, as I shoved another pair of boots into my suitcase with a grunt. He wanted me to believe him, and as much as I didn’t, I wanted to. It was there, that yearning to trust him, to let him take me in his arms and erase all the pain like he had just a few weeks before.

Had anything changed since then?

It felt like everything had. Between Cameron asking me for more time and Blake showing up as the unforeseen plot twist in my nightmare, I didn’t know which way was up anymore. Nothing made sense.

Except that when Reese touched me, when he took my hand in his, I felt it.

I remembered.

That small touch alone took me back to that night, to that fort, to that weekend. It took me back to the Incline, to the fundraiser, to every moment since he’d shown back up in my life and reminded me what it was like to be loved.

To be wanted.

He confused me more than quantum physics. I didn’t understand how I could hate him and yet still want him with every breath I took.

And then, there was Cameron.

My hands slowed at the thought of him, and I paused completely for a moment before I continued packing, tucking my panties into the side pockets of my suitcase with care.

He had been so patient with me since the night I’d agreed to give him time, and even more so since the night I’d rejected him.

I knew how badly that hurt.

It was the first time he’d been on the receiving end of that hurt, and now that he knew what it felt like, I wondered if he understood the pain I’d endured over the last five years. It wasn’t that we’d never had sex, but he had rejected me more times than I could recall.

Each one left a deeper cut, and none of those had formed scabs yet. They were all still fresh and raw, their pain just as present as it was the first night it existed.

For the past week and a half, Cameron had been more quiet than usual. He was staying later at work again, but as soon as he would get home, he would sit with me at our dinner table and talk for hours. He would tell me about his day, ask me about mine, and fill the silence between us with conversation that seemed so meaningless, yet made me feel at home again.

I thought what I really wanted was to be alone, but when Cameron talked to me, I realized it wasn’t true. I actually looked forward to dinner with him — as much as I could, anyway.

And the truth was, I couldn’t remember the last time we’d talked like that.