Page 62 of What He Always Knew

“We’ve talked about this, Charlie. It’s complicated.”

“Uncomplicate it.”

She sat up in my arms, her pale lips downturned as she waited for my answer.

I hated that I put that there — that frown — because in any other situation, I would have done whatever it took to make it disappear. But I wasn’t being a chum when I said it was complicated. It was — more so than I could even explain.

Nothing was black and white in the world we’d found ourselves in.

“Look,” I said, framing her face with my hand. “Every night, Blake comes home with more news about her father. And every night, it gets worse. The only thing she wants to hear from me right now is that it’s all going to be okay, regardless of what happens with her dad, and I can’t give her that assurance by telling her about us.”

“So, you lie to her for her own good,” Charlie deadpanned.

“That’s not what I mean.”

“That’s what it sounds like.”

“Please, Charlie,” I begged. “Try to understand. I know it’s hard, but can you just put yourself in her shoes? Imagine your own father was passing away slowly before your eyes, and the one and only comfort you had was that there was a friend waiting for you at home every night.”

“I get that,” she said, pushing herself up off the couch. She was slow, weak from losing so many fluids, but she waved me off when I tried to help her. “I do. But she doesn’t think you’re just her friend.” She turned to face me. “And I need you, too.”

“Right now, a friend is all I’m being to her. I swear. We haven’t so much as kissed. We sleep in the same bed, but that’s all.” I reached for Charlie’s hand, and she let me hold it as I begged her to believe me. “And you’ve got me.”

“During school hours.”

I frowned. “Come on, Charlie. Don’t be like that.”

“Whatever. It’s fine,” she said quickly, crossing the room. She was already in the hall before I was off the couch. “I should probably get going. She’ll be home soon, and Graham and Christina flew into town tonight. I should make sure they’re all settled in at Mom and Dad’s.”

“Charlie,” I tried, catching up to her. I offered to hold her as she walked, but she shook me off.

“No, seriously. It’s fine. It is what it is, right?”

We rounded into my classroom, and she bolted to my desk, clicking the power button on her phone to turn it back on from where she’d powered it down before our meeting. The screen lit up as it came back to life, and I tugged on her hand, pulling her into me again.

She huffed when I put my arms around her, but I took her chin between my thumb and index finger, forcing her to look at me.

“Do you not understand that I also wish we could be together after school hours? I wish I could come over to your house, or you to mine, or better yet — that we could go completely away from here. But, Blake isn’t the only issue, here.”

She swallowed. “Don’t bring Cameron into this. Not right now.”

“How can I not? Look,” I said, stepping more into her. “It’s complicated. The whole fucking thing. But remember what it felt like when you came to me that night, when we first touched under that fort?”

Her face softened at that, and I took the wiggle room she gave me to slide in more.

“And at the conference? In the rain, and afterward, in my room…”

Charlie closed her eyes. “Yes, I remember.”

“I need you to hold onto that, to those memories, just like I do. Remember how it feels when we get alone, when we have our time.”

“I ruined our time tonight,” she added softly, eyes fluttering open. “Stupid body.”

I chuckled. “You can’t help being sick. I’m just glad I could be here to take care of you and, hopefully, make you feel a little better.”

“You did help,” she said, though she sighed again. “I hope I don’t get you sick.”

“Don’t worry about me. Stomach of steel,” I said, hitting my stomach with a closed fist like King Kong. I bent to kiss Charlie in the next instant and she smiled against my lips, laughing a little as she pushed me away.