Page 79 of What He Always Knew

Soon, it would be round, full of life, just like it had been once before. And the little peanut that existed inside me now would grow to a peach and then to a cantaloupe and a watermelon, too. I would talk to my baby during each stage of growth, feel how he or she changed within me, and on a date yet to be determined, I would hold that baby in my arms. I would kiss their nose, their feet, their tiny little hands, and standing there beside me would be a proud, smiling man just like the one that sat across the park from me.

I just didn’t know which man that would be.

For the first time since Mallory moved away when I was just sixteen, I found myself wishing I had a friend. I wanted someone to dump my thoughts and feelings on, someone who could tell me how to detangle the absolute mess that my life had become.

I’d been so mad when Mallory moved away, so hurt by being left behind, that I’d never gotten close with anyone like that again. I had my books and my schoolwork, my parents and my volunteering — that was all enough for me. I didn’t need friends to go out and party with, or a bunch of girlfriends to have over for wine and movies. And when I met Cameron,hebecame my best friend.

After that, I decided I didn’t need anyone else.

But here I was, painted into a damp, dark corner with no one to help me out of it but myself.

There was only one person I could think of who would let me share my load with them, who would take my secrets to the grave as their own, and who would give me the tough love I needed — and that was Graham.

That’s why he was the first person I ever told about my spot, and the first person I ever invited to meet me there.

I saw him when he first pulled in, all alone in Mom’s car that she’d been letting him borrow since he and Christina got into town. They were leaving in a few days, and other than the hospital and one family dinner night, I’d barely seen him. Asking him to come sit at a park with me while I told him what a shit human I’d become wasn’t exactly my idea of brother/sister bonding, but it was what I needed.

And I knew Graham would always be there for me when I asked.

His eyes swept over the park, confusion on his face until I lifted a hand to wave from where I sat. He smiled then, tucking his hands in the pockets of his shorts as he made his way over.

I slid to the left side of the bench, making room for him to sit, and once he did, he let out a long breath of air.

“I gotta say, this is the last place I expected when you said you wanted me to meet you somewhere,” he said, looking up at the trees. “Looks like I can’t get coffeeorbooze for whatever conversation we’re about to have, huh?”

I chuckled. “Nope. Just fresh air and the sweet sound of children screaming.”

“Guess I should get used to that last one, huh?”

I smiled, tucking a strand of wind-blown hair behind my ear. “That you should, big brother.”

“At least it’s beautiful outside today,” he said, gazing out over the park.

It was a gorgeous day, spring finally blessing Pennsylvania one slow day at a time. Cold fronts still whipped through, but the sun was shining more, the temperatures peeking into the sixties and seventies. I was glad to be out of the house without a coat on, with the sun on my skin as it shone through the trees.

“How’s Christina?”

Graham kicked back more on the bench, crossing his ankles in front of us while his arms rested outstretched on the back. “She’s great, back to her normal, hormonal self — if there is such a thing. Mom’s doting on her, which she loves, and she’s had more pizza since we got home from the hospital than she did the entire time we were dating, I’m pretty sure.”

“Sounds like the life to me,” I said, squinting against a ray of sunshine peeking through the trees as I glanced at Graham. He looked so happy there on that park bench, watching the same little boy I was watching before. I wondered if he was thinking what I had the first time I’d been to the park, if he was picturing his life as a father.

“No kidding. But, I have a feeling you didn’t ask me to come here to talk about Christina,” he said, still watching the playground. “So, go ahead, little sis. Spill.”

I chewed my thumbnail, almost laughing at how easy he made it sound. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Dad always says the beginning is a good place to start.”

“Yeah, well, Dad would have a heart attack if I told him the beginning of this story — or any part of it, for that matter.”

Graham looked over at me, but I couldn’t meet his eyes. And I was glad I kept my gaze in my lap when the next words left his mouth.

“You’re having an affair.”

My thumb dropped from my mouth, and I gawked at my brother, at the calm, cool way he sat there and stared at me after what he’d just said.

“With Reese, right?”

My jaw dropped farther.