Page 71 of What He Always Knew

The new year had snapped me from one person to another, from old Charlie to new, and they sat on opposite sides of the spectrum. Where I used to place others before me, I now only thought of myself. Iwantedthings — truly wanted them — and I took them instead of waiting or asking. I acted first, thought later. I hurt those around me without realizing it, or maybe Ididrealize it, and I just didn’t care.

It was like staring in the mirror and seeing a completely different person, like a bad dream I couldn’t wake from.

I couldn’t go back to the woman I was before. I didn’t even know who she was anymore.

I also didn’t know what — or who — was the catalyst that sent me from old Charlie to new.

Was it Reese? Did he wake me up, change me, ignite an old burning flame when he came back into town?

Was it Cameron? Did we hit our breaking point, one coming all along? Was it his lack of care, his years of apathy, that somehow transitioned me from one point to another?

Or was it me?

Was it a quiet giant within my soul, one that had been sleeping, waiting, hoping it wouldn’t have to emerge? Was it the real me, the one who’d always been there, only just freed from her chains?

The answers never came, not with the chamomile and not as the minutes ticked by, taking me later into Friday night.

“I brought you more hot water,” Cameron said, shaking me from my thoughts as he entered the aviary.

He held his hand out for my cup, pouring it full with steaming water from the tea pot in his hand before he sat it on the table beside me.

I was seated in the hammock, folded into it like it was a chair instead of lying down flat, and I swung back and forth lightly, pushing off the ground with my bare toes.

Cameron dunked my old tea bag in the new hot water, handing me the cup before grabbing one of the small stools from the corner. He sat it down right in front of where I was on the hammock, folding his hands between his legs with his elbows balanced on his knees as I steeped the tea.

“I have wondered about the thoughts inside that beautiful mind of yours for the last few months,” Cameron said, his eyes bouncing between mine. “It’s maddening, knowing there is so much that troubles you, and yet not knowingwhat.” He paused. “This must be how you have felt with me our entire relationship.”

I traced the lip of my tea cup with my finger. “If it makes you feel any better,Idon’t even know what’s going on up here,” I said, tapping my temple.

Cameron reached forward, taking my tea cup from my hands and sitting it on the table next to the pot. He wrapped my hands in his then, covering my cold knuckles with his warm palms.

“There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “Not tonight, okay? It’s been a long day, and I—”

“No, I have to say it tonight,” Cameron insisted, squeezing my hands. “This has waited long enough.”

There was an urgency in his voice, mirrored in his soft caramel eyes, and that tone had my heart accelerating before I even knew the subject on his mind.

“What is it?”

Cameron swallowed, his eyes dropping to where his hands held mine before they resurfaced. “We need to talk about Natalia.”

And with just the sound of her name off his lips, my stomach dropped, landing somewhere below the hammock.

“Cameron, please,” I tried, shaking my head. She was the absolute last thing I wanted to talk about in that moment.

But he squeezed my hands, smoothing his thumbs over my knuckles.

“I know it hurts,” he said. “Trust me, I know. But, we never talked about her, about what happened — whatreallyhappened — and with everything…” His voice trailed off, and he swallowed hard, his eyes on mine. “I just have to tell you this, okay? You need to know the truth.”

“I know the truth,” I told him, pulling my hands from his. I crossed my arms over my middle, sitting farther back in the hammock. “Isawthe truth, remember?”

A flash of red struck behind my eyes — her red nails, red lips, red bottom of her heels. I could still see Natalia straddling my husband like it was happening right here and now in the aviary.

“You saw only part of it, and the part you saw told the wrong story.”

I cocked one brow, honestly curious. It was the first time Cameron had talked about what happened, other than the night he simply apologized and asked me to forgive him. He hadn’t stuck up for himself, hadn’t offered any excuses or lies.