Page 41 of What He Always Knew

Saying the words out loud hurt me more than when I’d heard Blake say them.

But I had to tell Charlie, I had to let her in on the full situation so she would understand. No, I hadn’t been honest about Blake, and yes, I had fucked up by sleeping with her.

Just like Charlie was giving Cameron time, I needed her to do the same for me. Blake needed me, and I could be there for her as a friend without crossing any lines — but Charlie had to trust me.

And I knew I didn’t deserve that trust from her, not when I’d already betrayed it.

“It’s complicated, Charlie,” I said after a moment. “I told you that. But I made good on my promise to you. I haven’t touched her since that day, and I won’t again. I’m just trying to help her through this time, okay? And I’m going to tell her about you. About us. Just let me decide when that time is right.” I paused. “Give me the time that I’m giving you with Cameron.”

She scoffed. “Whatever.”

My fists tightened around the steering wheel. I ran through all the words I’d wanted to say to her, but none of them felt adequate. She hated me, and she wasn’t going to let me in — not yet.

I had to figure out a way to break through.

But every rational thought was sucked out into the cool March air when she kicked open her door at the airport, not even looking at me as the last words I expected flew from her mouth.

“I slept with him.”

Then, she slammed her door, yanked her bag from the trunk, and made her way into the airport without checking to see if I followed.

Charlie

My mom used to say to me, “Be careful what you wish for.”

I never understood it, not until I wished for nothing but chocolate one year for Christmas. My parents delivered, as did “Santa” and my grandparents. I had more chocolate than I knew what to do with, and I ate as much of it as I could in one sitting.

Then, I got violently ill.

I still remember sleeping in the bathroom, hugging onto the toilet and telling my mom I never wanted to taste chocolate ever again. I begged her to take what I had left and give it away, and she’d just chuckled, reminding me of that warning she’d given.

“Be careful what you wish for.”

That lesson came back into my mind as I glanced over to where Reese sat, across the room from me. I didn’t understand how he could look so artistically beautiful, even under the horrid fluorescent lights of the conference ballroom. It was like resisting chocolate, trying not to stare at him, but it didn’t really matter — becausehiseyes hadn’t found mine since the car ride to the airport yesterday.

It didn’t matter that our hotel rooms were right next to each other, or that we’d been in several of the same small group break-out sessions, or that we’d been at the same dinner and the same after-party. Reese had avoided me every minute of the conference so far, and from the outside, it looked like he was having the time of his life.

Everyone loved him after just day one, which was a half day, and I couldn’t blame them. He was charming, lively, the life of the party even at a conference.

He made everyone laugh — except for me.

As if his thoughtful insight and perfect comical timing during the conference wasn’t enough, he was the center of attention at the mixer last night, too. He even played the keyboard at the little beach bar we all ended up at, with everyone gathered around him and singing along.

It wasn’t even nine before I skipped out of the event, no longer wanting to be in the same room with him — especially since it seemed like he’d completely forgotten I existed.

I’d told him about Cameron because I knew it’d piss him off, and I’d been right.

I’d wanted him to leave me alone, and he had.

But now, all I wanted was to get inside his head, to know what he was thinking.

It was immature and childish, pushing his buttons just to get a rise out of him. It was the same game I’d played with Cameron the night I’d gone out to happy hour and stayed out late. I’d wanted his attention, and it took drastic measures to get it.

But with Reese, he hadwantedto give me his attention — and he’d wanted mine, in return. But I was still pissed over Blake, and betrayed, and hurt. He had apologized, offered to tell me more, begged me for understanding — and all I’d done was act like the eight year old I was when I first realized I had a crush on him.

I think in a way, I thought I really did want him to leave me alone. After my weekend with Cameron, I was on a high with him. I wanted to give him my full attention, and Reese would have blocked that. So, I’d tried to push him away, to make him angry.

And I’d succeeded.