Page 73 of What He Always Knew

I couldn’t cry, couldn’t scream, couldn’t do anything but sit there in his grasp and stare at the man I thought I knew. Shame seeped through me like dark ink, tattooing me with the truth.

Cameron had never cheated on me.

He stared at me, lifting my fingers to his lips every now and then, and all I could do was stare back. The guilt I’d felt over Reese before was nothing compared to the kind I felt now. Because before, at least a little bit anyway, I felt justified. An eye for an eye, a heart for a heart. I wasn’t doing anything to Cameron that he hadn’t done to me.

But I had been wrong.

My husband had never betrayed me, not the way I had him, and now that the truth was laid out in front of me, I felt more lost than I ever had before.

“We should try to get some sleep,” Cameron said after a while. “I know this is a lot to process. Just… let me hold you tonight, okay? And if you have any questions for me in the morning, I’ll answer them. No matter what they are.”

His words were muffled, like we were on an airplane or like I was half asleep. I think I nodded, though I couldn’t be sure, and the next thing I knew, we were climbing the stairs together.

We both crawled into bed, and Cameron leaned over to turn out the light before he pulled me into his chest. He ran his fingers through my hair, his other hand resting easily on my hip, and I could already sense how much lighter he felt now that he’d gotten everything off his chest.

But it was the law of physics. That weight had been transferred, landing on my shoulders instead. And thought it didn’t make any sense whatsoever, it was under that pressure where I finally drifted off to the best sleep I’d had in months.

Cameron

I held Charlie close all that night, listening to her sleep, knowing I would not. But for once, I wasn’t scared of being alone with my thoughts.

I could distinctly recall the chapter breaks in my life.

I knew where each one began, where each one ended, and what each new chapter had held for me. There was the chapter that ended when my father killed my mother, when he went to jail, and the one that began next as I moved in with my grandparents. There was the chapter that ended with me getting the scholarship to Garrick, and the one that began that first day of orientation.

There was the chapter that ended my sophomore year on a night I slept with one of five girls I’d had that week. I left her room early in the morning, swearing to myself that I was done with that lifestyle. I couldn’t even see another chapter in sight, I just knew this was the end of one for me. I knew the meaningless sex wasn’t what I wanted — not anymore.

The next chapter brought me Charlie, and nothing was the same again.

The chapters with her were my favorite.

There was the one where we said we loved each other, and the one where I asked and she said yes. There was the one where we bought a house together, and the one where she started her dream job. There was the one where she became pregnant with our children, and sadly, the one when we lost them.

And even though the chapters after that were the hardest ones I’d lived, they were still some of my favorites — because Charlie was in them.

I realized during my time talking with Patrick that my life had been split into two — before Charlie, and after Charlie. I was a different man in each part, and I knew that if there were to be a third section where I existed without her again, I’d be a different man then, too.

It was the absolute last thing I wanted, to live life without her as my wife, but I had to come to terms with the fact that it might be reality soon. The next chapter in my life could be the worst one, and I had to prepare.

After tonight, all my cards were on the table.

I’d laid everything out — my heart, my truth, my vows. She knew how I felt, she’d seen inside my heart, and now, finally, she knew the truth about what happened.

But, was it enough?

I didn’t know.

I was fighting against a rip tide, clinging to survival, but I was growing weary. Time was running out, and I knew I was down to my last chance to prove I was the man she loved.

And the man she deserved, too.

Next Friday was the end-of-the-year gala at Westchester, and the following day was when we would break ground on the house we were building for Jeremiah’s family.

That day would also mark two months.

So, I held Charlie a little tighter that night, kissing her as softly as I could so as not to wake her. In my heart, I couldn’t imagine a life where she wasn’t mine, but in my mind, I had to paint the picture, anyway.

Prepare for the worst, fight for the best. That was my motto.