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Carnaxa

W hen I was a girl, I wondered what death would be like. I was curious how those called by the Goddess truly felt when they walked into the sea for the last time. I wanted to know how my mother felt when her heart stopped beating even though the Goddess never called her. I often look towards the moon and the stars wondering if they are our ancestors looking down on us from Mohasha as the stories claim, or if we were told such things to try to comfort us.

If it’s anything like this ... I don’t want it. This darkness has surrounded me for what feels like ages. I am floating in a black starless sky with nothing to see or hold on to. I can’t even feel my body, and yet I know it’s here, but when I try to move or touch anything, I can’t.

“It’s time, Daughter.”

The voice echoes repeatedly to me. The voice is familiar, as if we are old friends. I had hoped my mother would be here, but so far it appears I am alone besides the voice that plagues me.

“It’s time, Daughter.”

Time for what? I’ll never know, since my life was forfeited as we entered Shaston. I can only hope that somehow those I left can maintain peace for Antalis. After trying to do what was best for my kingdom I find myself here, trapped and alone.

“It’s time, Daughter.”

At first I think the voice is of my mother, calling me daughter as no other would. But then I realize it’s not the same tone at all. Next, I consider it is the Goddess finally showing herself to me, but the words do not change and give no answers when I speak back. I think that’s what I’m doing ... speaking. It’s hard to tell. I try to beg the voice to let me go back to my friends, my family, and my twin drops. But I just continue to float and listen.

“It’s time, Daugh —”

The voice cuts off quicker than before and a moon appears for the first time in this dark unending sea. I look towards the leak of light as my body pulls towards it. The woman from my vision when I first entered Shaston’s borders comes into view. Although slightly melancholic, her smile possesses a gentle quality. Her hair is a darker hue of blue than my own before it turns to silver as it reaches the ends like the caps of a wave, and her piercing eyes are a dark blue as she meets my gaze.

“ A ko?pi t?mi??, ” she says through her thin lips, but I can’t understand the words. She tilts her head, watching me. “ A Si?shaka ... you do not yet speak Antihana?”

“No, it was not taught fully to me.”

She nods her head. “We do not have long.” She looks back behind her. “I didn’t know he would have his plans too when the cycle began. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand.”

She smiles at me, reaching out as if to touch me before pulling her hand back. “You’ve grown up beautifully, Carnaxa. ”

She waves her hand and I feel my breath catch, and then the impact of falling into my body takes over.

My fingers curl beside me, feeling silk beneath my fingertips. My eyelids flutter open and I take in my surroundings. A fire crackles in the corner, casting shadows against the sand-colored walls. Above me a canopy of black gauze covers the top of the bed and waterfalls down the four posts. There is a large decorative door — or maybe it’s a window — to my right. I begin to shake, this isn’t Antalis. Where am I ?

I sit up, pulling the black silk around me, keeping the cold at bay, and stand on weak legs. I walk toward the door, the cold stone floor beneath me makes me look around, hoping for a pair of shoes to slip into, but I don’t see any. I touch the windows. They are thick and cold, beyond them all I see is sand. My fingers tremble and a gasp leaves me. I know of only one place that has this much sand. Shaston.

When did I arrive in Shaston?

“Carnaxa!”

Siphonie’s squeal echoes through the room and she runs, grabbing me to pull me in for a tight hug. I hug her back, letting her warmth and familiarity take over. I can’t help but feel insecure in the smile that crosses my face.

She’s in a brown dress in a style I’ve never seen before. It’s long and touches the floor, but unlike our normal gauzy material, it’s heavy. The arms of the dress are long and go past her fingertips. She wears a hood in a matching fabric that covers her pink hair. Still feeling confused, I step back from her. “When did we get to Shaston?”

She runs her hand up my arm. “Let’s get you sitting back in bed and have the healers come check on you. We arrived a day ago. Everyone will be so happy to see you awake. We’ve been so worried about you, Naxa.”

We walk back to the bed, and she sits beside me, still beaming up at me. She pushes the hood back, revealing her pale pink hair pulled tightly up on the top of her head, with wisps coming down to frame her face. “You’ve been asleep for thirteen days. We worried you wouldn’t wake up, and with everything happening since we crossed the border — I just couldn’t imagine you not waking up.” She kisses the top of my head. “Let me go get the healers.” Siphonie stands, putting her hood back up, and hurries out the door, leaving me alone once again.

I wait and listen for her to come back. Shivering from cold and worry, I walk towards the fire and as I reach out my hands to the warmth coming from the flames, I notice a rounded door to the side. I walk to it, opening it without making a sound. I take a step across its threshold. It’s another room. Similar to mine, a fire flickers in the hearth on the back wall and I can make out another bed in the center.

I swiftly start to feel as if I shouldn’t be here and turn to leave, accidentally kicking something that clangs against the still-open door. The sound of swords being pulled from their sheaths fills the air and I stop and turn toward the sound. I’ll just apologize and leave at once.

“I’m sorry...” I see the glint of the curved blades from the person who holds them on the bed. “I just woke up and I’m confused. I’m sorry. I’ll return at once.”

“Princess?” A deep voice I vaguely recognize as Prince Ereon’s slips through the darkness. “Stay right there.”

I freeze, unsure why I am attached to his room and worry about what he’ll do finding me here. Ereon tosses his swords to the ground before lighting a candle. He pulls up the sheets as if making his bed. He mumbles something, but I can’t make out what it is .

He walks to me, running a hand over his face to clear the sleep from his features. My eyes are drawn to his shirtless chest and the muscles that are there. He puts his hands on my shoulders, his stare piercing through me before leaning in to kiss my forehead and turning me back to my room. I shake, unsure of why he would show such affection to me. He walks me back into my room, all the while running his palms up and down my shoulders.

“How long have you been awake? You shouldn’t be walking yet,” he asks as he sits me back down on my bed, reaching for a pitcher of water that I didn’t see the first time. He pours a glass for me and I eagerly take a drink. I notice for the first time that my lips are cracked and dry.

“Siphonie” — I take another sip — “she went to go get the healers.” I look at his chest full of scars and marks and wonder how many he’s kept hidden while he was on Antalis soil. He reaches out and grabs my hand, running his thumb across the back of it. I snatch my hand away from him. He looks at me with concern. A hesitant smile crosses his face and he bites his lip nervously.

“Prince Ereon, I’m sure Siphonie will be back shortly and can help explain everything. Please return to your room. I’ll be fine now. Thank you for escorting me.”

“Prince?” As his finger caresses my chin, he lifts my gaze to meet his, his eyes ablaze with a mixture of intensity and tenderness. “Princess, are you okay?”

Suddenly a door opens and Siphonie comes barreling in with who I assume is a healer behind her. “Oh, good. Ereon, she found you. I brought the healer here to see her.” He stands and moves away from me as the robust woman comes to sit beside me.

The next few moments pass in a blur as the healer listens to my heart, my breathing, and everything in between. I feel Ereon’s eyes on me and I don’t understand why he won’t just return to his room. He had no interest in me these past ten months. Why does he seem to care now? He put on a black robe at some point that matches the long flowing black pants he wears.

The healer smiles at me. “Princess Carnaxa, I consider you pretty lucky to have survived. We still aren’t sure what happened to you, but I’m happy to see you pulled through. I’ll have someone bring something up for you to eat. Get your rest and I will be here again tomorrow to check on you.”

She opens the door right when a man bustles through. His black hair is piled high up on his head and he wears the colors of my kingdom. He runs forward and wraps me in his arms as he kisses my temple. “ Noh? .” He runs his hands up and down my back as he continues to kiss my temple, my forehead, my cheeks. I try to pull back, but he doesn’t allow it.

Finally, he releases me, and I stumble back, tipping my head up at him. The scruff along his chin has scratched my cheeks and I rub at the sting there. I take a deep breath and take a few steps away before addressing him.

“I’m sorry ... who are you?”