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seventeen

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I kick open the door to my bedroom, my blood still pumping from watching my father brand Carnaxa. I fought as hard as I could, but my father was prepared for that. I know he wasn’t fully expecting me to act against him like I did. I’ll pay for that later.

I carry Carnaxa as gently as I can and place her on top of my dark sheets. Carnaxa’s eyelids flutter as she stirs. I grab for the soft leather pouch I hide inside the table beside my bed. Her fingers twitch and I know soon that she’ll wake. I grab out a small vial that contains the last bit of a sleeping aid. She won’t like that since she is just now waking up, but it’s better than dealing with the initial shock and pain of the brand. I want to give her time to heal some and let the worst be past her, hopefully. I’m reaching for the ointment when she screams. As I turn around, I am met with her pale face full of anguish. Her fingers dig towards her wound and I grab at her.

“Princess ... Carnaxa,” I stumble, not knowing what to call her right now. Everything is so confusing. She doesn’t know me, but her soul does. Her body remembered me. The ripples were still there. “I need you to calm down. I’m going to take care of you.”

She fights against me and screams, “Get off me!” Tears pour down her face. I try to put my hands on the top of her shoulders, but when she looks at me, there’s a subtle glaze in her eyes, as if she’s lost in a memory.

“Princess ... Ryehro!” I yell at her, trying to calm her down. I put my arms around her, burying her in my chest and holding her as still as I can as she fights against me. Her fingers dig into my flesh and push against me, trying to tear herself away from me. Her sobbing mingles with screams. My own tears fight to escape because watching her hurt and knowing it is my fault — kills me. I wasn’t the one who put the iron to her, but I’m the reason she’s here. When animals feel scared, it’s important to maintain distance and show your hands — but she’s not an animal. She’s my wife. So I pull her closer into me, letting her take her anger out on me if she must.

As time passes, she starts to breathe more easily, her breaths gradually slow down. I sit and rub her back. I sing a song my mother taught me, the one that Ryehro comes from. I softly whisper the words into her hair in Shamilish, hoping they will comfort her before translating.

“Aryem re pyowat shir snil cho irnir yati toshuw i ryehro s wow mlung i sroskaph shiw nesh yo hyemtohlo i srel ung tosuwor keshi nyamat snil i nlem nle pra nyawur sesyu”

“When you’re feeling sad, and hope feels rare, Remember the moon’s light in the midnight air. It freezes the dark, makes shadows take flight, and brightens the world to set things right.”

Since the darkness often brought my father’s wrath, as he worked to hide it in the light from prying eyes, she sang a song to help me remember that if the moon’s light can slice through the darkness, there is always a glimmer of hope in the darkest of moments. Carnaxa, the moon I didn’t know I needed, still weeps in my arms, but she seems to be more in control.

“Can … I … help with the ... burn?” I ask. Nothing is going to make this pain better. Noth ing can.

She nods her head before breaking away from my hold. I reach down, my fingers trembling as I draw up her leg to gently drape it across my lap.

I pull up the side of the slip as she looks away. “What is it?”

As I gaze at her with confusion, it becomes clear to me that she is completely unaware of the symbol that now mares her body. “A snake. The symbol of Shaston.” I take a soft cloth and tip a vial of medicine water onto it before lightly dabbing at the spot that covers her from almost the top of her inner thigh to her knee. She hisses and I glance up at her. She’s still not looking at the burn. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

She quickly turns her head to look at me. “You knew? I assumed I had just forgotten.”

I almost want to laugh at the irony, even if I had told her she wouldn’t have remembered. I could lie now and keep myself out of trouble with her, but I won’t. “I knew. I thought I wouldn’t care, but with everything that happened … I wanted to tell you. I planned to when we arrived in Shaston.”

Her leg begins to shake from the pain. I reach for the numbing paste I usually keep on the table but I can’t find it. “Fuck. I must be out of the ointment. I’ll go see if the healer can give me some — if they’ll even let me out.”

I move her leg from my lap, but she grabs my hand. She looks up at me through her dark lashes. “Stay ... I don’t want to be alone. I may not remember, but I saw it too. The twin drop ripples. I felt it. I feel it now. I don’t fully understand, but I am tired of being in the dark. Siphonie hasn’t had a lot of time to talk to me and I can see her holding back. I can tell she is trying to make sure I’m ready for whatever she plans to tell me. But I need to know. I can’t let something else like this catch me off guard. Not again ... it’s happened before too, I think. I refuse to let it happen a third time.”

Behind the tears in her eyes, behind the fear, I see it — the same look I saw the night the ripples ebbed. The strength she holds inside, the strength she’ll need.

“I need to get the cream. I think you’re still in a bit of shock, but the pain will return.” I look around and see the sleeping aide. “I can give you something to help you sleep. We can find the ointment tomorrow when you feel better.”

She looks at the vial with suspicion. Yet, she directs her eyes towards the shell buried within my chest. She responds with a nod. I give her the vial and she sips the liquid down.

“It will work fast. Do you want to change clothes? I need to.” I look down at the blood that splatters my skin, still wearing the traditional garment. I’ll need to wash the blood off once she goes to sleep. “I can go to your room and get something or —”

“No. Just give me one of your tunics.” Carnaxa moves her leg from my lap and releases my hand.

I stand up and walk to the wardrobe, grabbing two of my softest tunics. One for her and one to cover my bloodstained chest for now. I lay the dark brown garment on the bed beside her and turn around.

I hear the rustling of clothing before a soft chuckle. “You turn around like we didn’t just consummate in front of a room full of people. I think you’ve already seen everything. ”

The sleep aide is already taking hold. It always makes me a little foolish too before it fully sets in. It makes even the worst things humorous. I glance over my left shoulder and see her back to me. Her curves are enough to make me want to fall to my knees and worship her right here, right now. She’s perfect. As she slips the tunic over her head, I turn back around.

“Let’s get you into bed, Ryehro . The medicine will take you under soon.” I pull the blankets from the bed and hold her hand, noticing how she obviously favors her unbranded leg. She slides into the bed and I stop and ask, “This is my bed. Would you like me to take you to yours?”

She yawns before scooting over to Anara’s side. I shake my head and let out an exhale. I can’t think about her. Not right now. My relationship with Anara is something I can’t handle right now. She disappeared before everything happened, I know she is safe. My father would have loved showing off if she wasn’t.

“Your bed or mine, it doesn’t matter. Both are unfamiliar to me. But I feel ... safer ... with you here. I saw you trying to stop your father.” Her words slur as the medicine takes hold. “Stay with me...” She pats the bed beside her.

I shouldn’t. She could change her mind in the morning, but I stay anyway. As I slide into the bed, I let her head rest against my chest, her smell of sea salt and sugar overtaking me. I make sure not to touch her leg.

“Thank you,” she mumbles, even though I’m not sure what she is thanking me for .

My thumb rubs against the soft skin of her shoulder as I stare at the ceiling. I know my father will want to make me pay for my public distaste for him tonight. But right now, at least for a little while, he can’t come in here. As exhaustion takes me, I think I hear a soft knock, but when I don’t hear it again I pull Carnaxa closer before falling asleep.

I stir the fire in front of me with a piece of wood. I threw out all the iron pieces for the fire last night after I cleaned myself up. I want nothing to send her into a shock, not in this room. I want her to feel safe. I glance over my shoulder at her where she sleeps in my bed, her bright strands of hair cascading across the dark fabric.

Members of the Prel stand outside both our doors, refusing anyone's entrance. This is a tradition in Shaston, following the Nle Shom and plal ryow. The couple gets the night of their union, the next day and the following night — men get full access to their woman with no interference. Most of the children in Shaston are conceived during this time.

I put down the stick and wipe the debris off my knees before standing up. The sun will set soon and come morning, our time will be over. She slept all day. I check on her every so often, making sure she’s alive, but she just mumbles something about a valley before going back to sleep.

Last night, I thought I heard a knock at the door, but I knew the guards wouldn’t knock, so I checked the door that leads to the whore road. I’ve avoided it since the last time my father was the one who came barreling out of it. When I opened the door this morning, all I found was a jar of healing ointment. I knew without a doubt it was from Anara. It was her recipe that was inside the jar. I could tell by the minty scent, the ones from the healer don’t smell so good.

“You think she is any better than the whore you’ve loved all these years? The one who made a deal with me before she ever stepped foot in your room.”

I shake my father’s words from memory. He is Ashonera’s best liar. I’ve lived a life of him taking and turning and twisting everything around. He was just trying to irritate me further. I’ve learned to take his physical torture, so now he works harder on my mental stability. She would never betray me. Anara was scared when she was sold to Shaston. I remember the sad look in her eyes and the way my heart tightened when I met her gaze. What will I do now that both of them are inside my home and I’m unable to protect them?

I hear Carnaxa stirring and then she sits up and looks around the room. The way my heart tightened when I saw Anara is nothing compared to the way it feels right now.