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thirty-three

Anara

“ G ood, Princess.” I swipe at Carnaxa with the end of my staff but she jumps, avoiding the maneuver I’ve used so many times to take her down. She’s been a quick learner and I hope she’ll stay that way. She’ll need to.

She grunts as she lunges toward me and I barely escape her. A quick learner indeed. I charge, throwing a jab at her feet that she blocks with the heel of her staff. Quickly, I push the tip of my own weapon towards her face, the wood hitting her chin, red blooming from the contact.

“Ow!” she yells.

The men are still occupied in the council meeting, otherwise they would be furious. They can pretend they want her to learn, but she won’t learn if they continually make it easy for her. The pain is a reminder. I expect her to call a cease, but those bright blue eyes grow and change for a split moment to an almost-white before she blinks and charges me again.

There it is.

She moves so fast that anyone watching us probably wouldn’t see the swings happening as she glides like water through the ring. I block her from the left, then the right, but then I realize my mistake too late as she swiftly swipes out her staff, and I fall on my back against the snow. The chains between my wrist fall across my abdomen and my feet are cold from the wet boots that cover my feet, as if I’ve jumped into a puddle.

Carnaxa walks over to me as I’m trying to catch my breath, and holds out her hand. I grasp the glove with my own and stand, dusting the snow from my rear.

“Are you okay?” she asks. The sun flashes through the clouds.

“Don’t ask your opponent if they are okay. They are your enemy for a reason. The first time you show weakness, they will capitalize on it,” I tell her, grabbing for the canteen.

“I wouldn’t ask an enemy — but you aren’t one,” she says directly, gathering her things back into the pack she carries. She rubs her jaw and I notice the mark around her wrist. It’s getting worse. She told them it burned, but she must not be letting them know how badly it’s hurting .

“How is your leg?” I ask, because she’s no longer walking with a limp like she once did.

“It’s ugly, but it’s healed.” She runs her hand over the inside of her thigh. “Thank you for the ointment.”

“Shaston uses snakes as a symbol for their kingdom, but truly, snakes are wonderful. They can shed their skin and start over. They have stood for so much before Shaston began using the symbol as their own: rebirth, transformation, life. Remember that.”

She smiles at me. “I will, thank you.”

I gather my long hair in my hands, twisting it up into a knot at the top of my head and securing it with a leather tie. The soldiers of the Prel stand close enough to watch the show, but not hear our voices. They rapidly learned to stay away from us during training after Ereon and Thylas started talking with their fists at any soldiers who leered.

We walk back to the main camp, not saying anything between us as we go to the fire to warm our hands. Telling Thylas about my magic was something I didn’t realize I needed to do. It’s nice for once, not having to hide who I am. I haven’t told him everything, but he knows enough.

Carnaxa stands with her back toward the sputtering flame. I reach my hand out and gradually increase its size, letting the feeling of the magic in my veins burn and come alive. I move the flame with a simple twist of my fingers, watching it move and dance. I don’t have full access, not yet ... but soon ... I’ll be like the ones they are afraid of. Using the heat from the flame inside me, I warm my feet and dry my boots from the inside out.

The madness . How little they know, people are scared only because they still believe magic does not exist on this continent. A legend lost to time, along with the Goddess who brought it here. When it first manifests, it’s like an explosion, but soon it’s easy to wield. It’s a part of you — not that they are letting anyone live long enough to learn that truth.

“You control it, don’t you?” Carnaxa’s hushed voice startles me and I snatch my hand away from the fire. I look at her, unsure of what to say. “I’ve watched you ... the flame responds to you. It’s the madness isn’t it?”

It’s obvious her silence these past few moons has been one of choosing, observing everything around her. I lick my lips that are becoming chapped from the icy wind before I respond, “Yes.”

She looks away, then back at me. Her eyes are filled with a mix of curiosity and skepticism. “The shackles inhibit you then,” she remarks.

“Yes.”

She opens her mouth to speak again, but shuts it as her cousin runs up to us.

“I felt the baby move, Naxa!” Siphonie is grinning from ear to ear. “We’ve got to go get Rhenor.” Carnaxa pulls her cousin into an embrace and I think of how many times I’ve seen this joy before in San’doma. Babies were always blessings because we knew someone was coming home again. At least I used to think so, until my mother had me. She brought me back into this world, tainted with the blood of an outsider.

“Anara, will you be okay by yourself?” Carnaxa turns to me .

“I’ll be fine. I’ll go prepare your tent and make sure the fire is burning before nightfall.”

I stand shuffling through Carnaxa and Ereon’s things in their tent. I should have tidied better before now, but I’m trying my hardest to avoid him. I place Carnaxa’s dagger beside her bed, hoping that she’ll never need it, however, should she, it will be within reach. Running my hands along the trunks in their room, I notice a leather-bound tome hidden — not very well — under a discarded scarf. I pick it up and run my fingers along the front cover. Where the symbols for the original four are prominently displayed on the cover, a missing piece demands my attention. I sit on the edge of their bed, my blood humming at the power coming from this book. Carefully I open it up, feeling the brittle pages beneath my fingertips as I read the first line. My Antihana is rusty, but I only need to read one word to realize whose book this is.

A pelo Drāhēn?, he se is a koso a ya ke ap? she p? , ote popo ya kat? p?.

Drāhēn? — one of the Has? — an original.

“Are you done pretending like you hate me now?” Ereon’s voice startles me. “I miss you.”

In one quick motion, I slide the book under her dagger on the makeshift nightstand and get up. Turning around, Ereon stands in front of the tent, his arms crossed. His hair has grown longer since we started this journey. He’s weary, the toll of everything since his arrival in Shaston is becoming evident in the dark circles forming under his eyes.

“I’m here to clean up Princess Carnaxa’s things and nothing more. I’ll be on my way now.” I walk to the door, but when I inch past him, he grabs the bend of my arm and turns me toward him, pulling my arm against his chest.

“No ... you aren’t running from me anymore.” He reaches up and grips my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “Anara, I know things are complicated. Everything is. I’m trying. I don’t know what I’m doing … and I don’t know what I did to offend you so. Please just talk to me.”

“It’s not any of that, Ereon, just let me go.” I try to pull my arm away from him, but he refuses to let go and instead walks forward, pushing me to the center of the tent. My thighs hit the edge of the bed behind me.

“I love you, I have since the first time I saw you. I was ready to run away with you, and I still will find a way to release you. Is that why you are mad? Do you want to leave? Are you mad because I love her?” His words spill out in a rushed and panicked tone. “I didn’t plan for any of this.”

I look down at his chest and the shell embedded there. A permanent display of the drop between them. I knew Carnaxa would awaken magic, but I didn’t plan for him to be her twin drop. But it makes sense now. I should have always realized .

“Stop. Anything I say will only hurt you. Let me go.” I pull away from him.

He lets go of my arm and licks his bottom lip, his eyes searching mine for answers that I won’t give him. I take a step once again towards the door.

“Do you love someone else? I’m twin drops with Carnaxa, but I also feel love for you — I have from the moment I saw you. She has two twin drops. Has Thylas told you that? Maybe I do too.”

He won’t let me go, not until he knows the truth. One more moment is all I’ll allow. A piece of me was his for a time, as it has been for others in my long life. My fingers trail up, running through his beard, and he leans down kissing me softly, his hands raise to grasp my shoulders. I let the coolness of his presence envelop me for only a moment before I pull away.

“I tricked you.” The words slip from me so quickly that I almost hope he didn’t hear them.

He looks down at me confused. “What?”

Tears brim my eyes and I look away from him before the fire inside me burns away my resolve. I have to do this. I have to break him so he can let me go. “When I first arrived here, I was scared. I was desperate. I just wanted to go home, I had people in San’doma waiting for me. I had love. So I made a deal.” My words come out clipped as I try to collect my thoughts, the fire slowly rising inside of me.

“Your father — he knew, he always knew who my people were and how we could help him. I told him what he wanted to know. Simple words that I’ve known since the beginning, but I didn’t expect for him to make me use the last of my magic to make you love me.”

“I don’t care what deal you made my father. You couldn’t have made me love you.” He reaches out to touch my hand, but I pull it from his grasp.

“Ereon!” I pull my hand up, fire flaming at my fingertips. “I am myach myom . It is not a name you gave me, but the name of my people. The fire we hold.”

He backs away from me, startled by the flames I hold. He rubs at his eyes, as if trying to comprehend the surreal sight before him. As I try to calm myself, my heart starts to slow, beating in sync with my deep breaths. I do not want to startle him any further; I shouldn’t have shown him this. Not yet, not now. I pull my hand into a fist and the flame extinguishes.

“I made you love me with the last bit of magic that still clung to my veins using the firestone that I brought. I knew I was to meet you that night and I knew I would be used as a bargaining chip when you went to Antalis. I used the magic stored inside of the stone to make you fall in love with me. I knew that bringing the Princess back would awaken the other magic — ‘the madness’ as you call it. I am the reason that all of this has happened.” I stop, trying to gather my words. “What we had was forged from nothing but pain. We found each other broken, and we didn’t have a choice but to fall in love. It wasn’t real love, not like you have with her.”

He still stands there, speechless for once in his life. His once unwavering confidence vanishes as his eyes dart nervously around the room, struggling to comprehend my words. Everything he’s done since he met me, was all because of a lie I made him believe.

I can’t stand to watch him anymore and I shuffle past him as he still stands there. Ereon doesn’t reach out this time, instead, letting me go. I pull up the scarf to protect my head from the snow. I sprint out into the bitter cold, ignoring the sounds of things being thrown behind me.