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nine

Thylas

R henor wraps his arm around Siphonie’s waist as he glares at Shache Ataiun. I grind my teeth at the Shastonian title for a military general, an honor he doesn’t deserve. Ataiun has his arms crossed against his chest as he stands in front of the door as if we plan to fight him in an effort to enter. I know Carnaxa is mostly safe with Ereon beside her; I can give him enough credit for that. I requested to see King Atlas as soon as we arrived, hoping to discuss what is expected of me as Ambassador. I also wanted to determine if he could send aid to Antalis to assist with the deluc, or send soldiers to Midaeliea to fight back the khind, but I was denied an audience.

Rhenor ushers Siphonie down the hall and nods his head for me to follow. Even though I may outrank him now, I follow like I was taught in the Shayi when he was my superior. I need him here just like I did then, the father I never had, someone to help guide me. As we walk back down the corridor, he puts his other hand on my shoulder.

“I cannot find our soldiers, any of them …” he says, before his eyes look ahead.

“I’ll request an introduction … again. I was so wrapped up with Carnaxa that I don’t know where they went.” I curse myself, another reason I should have never been given this title.

“Give her time,” he says with his voice lowered, hopefully to keep the others scurrying about the hall from hearing.

“I am trying.” I run the back of my hand across my forehead, sweat already forming in the morning hours. The heat of the day is something I don’t know if I’ll get used to. I thought since I was born on these sands I would acclimate to the temperatures sooner, but I’ve spent too much time in the pleasant climate of Antalis.

“You are going to have to try to control your facial expressions when it comes to her. I could see your temper flaring when Shache Ataiun said you couldn’t enter the throne room. He’s not one I would suggest going up against if you don’t have to. You need to keep your temper in check,” Rhenor chides, before running his hand through his dull fiery locks.

“And Siphonie, I need you to make sure you don’t have another outburst when I’m not around. I don’t know what these Shastonian men will feel justified to do to you.”

“Well, I don’t like the general or his king,” Siphonie quips from beside Rhenor. “I don’t like being here and if it wasn’t for Carnaxa, I would have told you to take me home already.” It’s the first time I’ve heard her speak in such a tone. She’s usually the happy, carefree one. Carnaxa and I usually carried the weight of anxiety and fear, Siphonie always made the most out of a situation.

Turning the corner, we find ourselves outside of Siphonie and Rhenor’s room. He unlocks the door and we all enter. Their room is similar to Ereon’s but not as grand. Their balcony already has the shade curtains pulled to prevent the sun from filtering into the room. The one lit candle is all the light we can see by, and even the heat from the small flame makes the room feel suffocating.

While I am from Shaston, I didn’t grow up inside the castle like Ereon. I lived out there with my mother and father. I remember how the sun felt when it burned the skin, despite my mother trying to keep me covered as much as she could. I wonder if she’s still out there, if she still thinks of me.

“Did Sheche Ataiun do anything to you or Naxa while he was in her room? I’ve heard rumors, but I don’t think even he would attempt that with the pair of you.” Rhenor’s words pull me back from my thoughts of my past.

“No, not in any physical sense, anyway. But his words, and the way he looked at us, it wasn’t proper. For someone who is no more than a Ke Neye here, he sure does think highly of himself. No offense, Thy,” she says as she sits down and unwraps herself from one of the long thick dresses she’s forced to wear here. Underneath she already has on a pair of Antalian pants paired with a short top. The thick gown drops to the floor and she sighs with relief.

“No offense taken, I am proud to be Captain of the Ke Neye, although I’m sure that title has now been assigned to someone else. Shaston doesn’t have a Ke Neye . They just have him — the Shache — and then the rest of the Prel . It’s not the same. We were trained to be dutiful to the whole of Antalis royalty and their people, he’s only loyal to the King.” I sit down on their chaise, adjusting the sword at my hip. The gold armor I’ve made sure to wear since we arrived digs into my shoulders, increasing my temperature.

“Both of you, stay out of his way because you are right, only Atlas controls him.” Rhenor pours himself a glass of water.

“How is Carnaxa?” My question comes out as barely a whisper.

Siphonie looks at Rhenor before she stands up and sits beside me. She wraps her tawny fingers around my callused ones. “I don’t know, truthfully. I tried to tell her as much as I could remember without causing too much confusion. I don’t know if I helped.”

“And what about me and our story?” Images flash in my mind’s eye. The time she saved me. Us running through the halls of Antalis as I stole cheese from the kitchens. Her mother’s death. The whipping and her screaming as I was scarred down my back by her father’s hand. The way her nails left crescent-shaped marks along those same scars as she was in pleasure beneath me.

Siphonie bites her bottom lip. “Not yet. But she will. I didn’t know what you wanted me to tell her so I didn’t say much to her last night. She never said what happened the night you left the love marks on her neck or anything thereafter. I know something happened between you and Naxa ... perhaps even you, her, and Ereon.”

I take my hand from hers, not enjoying the pitying look crossing her features. Rhenor’s face mirrors Siphonies as he stands just a few steps from us. I squeeze the bridge of my nose and exhale deeply. I look up at Rhenor knowing this story is one I wouldn’t normally tell him, but if anyone can understand, surely it’s him.

“I don’t know if I will be able to tell her myself ... I don’t know if she would believe it right now in her condition. So, I’ll tell you ...” I lean back against the pillow behind me, then look down at my feet, gathering myself to tell them what happened on our journey.

“I’ll start with the first time I kissed her, the night of T?ht and Mar ...”

Once I started telling our story, every emotion I had held back started to spill forth. The morning of T?ht and Mar , when I made sure I matched her dress. The kiss I had to steal before I let her go. The moment with Lanie when Carnaxa found me. Arguing with Ereon. The night I denied her after leaving a lover’s mark along the freckles of her neck, hurting her through my own indecision. Naxa being taken by the rogues. Ereon permitting us such a gift, a night I knew wouldn’t last but a night I had to have. The night I saw the twin drop current connecting us .

Siphonie held me as I expressed through tears the happiness I felt as I held her in my arms as morning came. I thought somehow, we would make it work. Rhenor sat beside me and put his arm over my shoulders as the emotions wrecked me. I didn’t know how much I needed such a release.

“We didn’t know it was serious.” Siphonie’s eyes are puffy and red as she cries right along with me. “I thought” — she wipes her nose on a tissue — “it was a simple love. I didn’t know you were her drop. She’ll certainly remember. If someone has a twin drop, a bond so rare, the Goddess wouldn’t bless them and then take it away.”

I bite my lower lip until I taste metal and look up at her. I had left this out of my story, hoping I wouldn’t have to tell them, not knowing how it would change the circumstances.

“I’m not her only twin drop. Ereon is one too. When we were together — the three of us — she had two currents. One of gold which ebbed towards Ereon. Another of silver that met my own. Two drops, both from Shaston … maybe it should have never been.”

I see Siphonie blink as I reveal where I’m from. She won’t hold it against me, but I’m thankful Rhenor kept it between us all these years.

Rhenor leans down beside me before he says, “Then she was blessed twice-over. Don’t take it lightly. The Goddess doesn’t make mistakes.”

His words jar my memory of something. The night her father told me I was to keep Carnaxa on her path.

“I have an idea, but I need you to make me this vow: keep her safe, but keep her on her path.” Her father says as he’s already admitted to knowing I harbor feelings for her.

I would do anything to keep her safe, even if that means reminding her of the path she must follow. So I do the only thing I can. I bow before the King, kiss the hem of his robe, and make my oath.

“I swear to the Great Goddess above, on my sword and my life, to protect Princess Carnaxa, now and forevermore. I will defend, honor, and serve her as we travel. I will guard her in the Kingdom of Shaston as she becomes, and reigns as their queen. I pledge to be at her side while she walks a path known only to the Goddess, and to uphold her best interests at all times, denying my own wants. If I should fail, may I never feel the Goddess’ presence again.”

The night Ereon gave us, I had forgotten my oath. I had forgotten I was to deny my own wants. I made a vow to keep her safe, protected, and on her path towards becoming queen with Ereon. I took an oath that if I should fail, I wouldn’t feel the Goddess’ presence.

My eyes connect with Rhenor’s. “I think I caused this ... ”

Bile burns at the back of my throat as I remember the words no one forced me to say, ones which felt true. I had only ever wanted to protect her. I stand up, swaying from dizziness as I’m invaded by my words again.

“If I should fail, may I never feel the Goddess’ presence again.”

My hands become clammy as I vaguely hear Rhenor and Siphonie saying my name as they try to sit me back down. I shake them off. My chest hurts as my heart beats roughly against my rib cage.

“To uphold her best interests at all times, denying my own wants …”

I clutch the armor attached to me, feeling as if it’s suffocating me, and begin to rip at it. I need to make this right. My knees feel weak as I take a step to the door; I need to see her. The door to the room becomes fuzzy, and then everything goes dark.