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T he sun beats down on our backs, and we are taking care to shield even the smallest parts of our flesh from the sun’s rays. There are so many protection cloths over Carnaxa that I check often to make sure she’s not getting overheated.

We had no choice but to leave the small village at the border. The village is one of the few places in this entire kingdom that makes me feel like everyone doesn’t want to stab me in the back when I turn around, they stay here out of choice and are far enough away that my father doesn’t have complete control of their everyday lives. They stay on the outskirts and close to Midaeliea so they can flee if they want to. They can leave Shaston any day. But they won’t, this is their home, and they feel a loyalty to it. I would run if I were them, to get away from the sun and my father. It never made sense how the sun burns those in Shaston and yet gives tans to those in Antalis.

Ryul is beside me and slips his canteen from under his hood for a drink. He’s staying near to me the closer we get to the castle. We’ve had an Antalian soldier come down with the deluc, she remains in the village with the healers, along with two Shastonians who have fallen ill to the madness already. While we’ve been at Carnaxa’s side, my father swiftly passed a law that states: anyone found to have the madness should be executed. Anything to prevent the spread, or Carnaxa catching it.

I glance over at Thylas as he takes a swig from his own canteen. He has maintained a stony silence ever since our conversation earlier. I know he saw what I did that night because I didn’t miss the soft strand of silver connecting them, nor the gold ripple flowing between Naxa and me. The fact that he thinks my only intention at this point is her throne baffles me.

I sat and prayed with him while we waited on any update, bad or good, concerning her health. I uttered a prayer I’d never believed, only taught to me by my mother, but when I heard him mumbling the words, I knew it. I even tried praying to Ra Syam , the God of Shaston, even though he, as far as I know, has never cared for his people. And now Thylas is going to throw Anara in my face, as if I can control the feelings I have for her.

I watch as Thylas’ eyes flicker from in front of him to Carnaxa’s carriage. He must learn to control his facial expressions if he expects my father to not notice. Everyone in this troupe can tell his feelings are more than they should be for a guard and his charge — as if it wasn’t obvious when she fell from her horse. I thought because everyone was affected, it wouldn’t have been as noted, but no, instead everyone recovered quickly and witnessed it all. To make matters worse, as the soldiers arrived at the village, I was still on my knees next to him, praying to the Goddess — a sight I’m sure they reported to my father.

Pulling the top of my hood further down over my brow, I wipe the sweat that lingers there. I thought I wouldn’t miss Antalis, but I do. Antalis has a beauty and a peacefulness I rarely see.

“Look, Prince...” Ryul says, pulling me from my thoughts as he points ahead. “We’re home.”

Over the horizon of red sand, the castle gradually appears in the distance. The dark sandstone silhouette appears like a mirage, standing tall with five towers reaching high into the cloudless sky. I can’t help the smile that creeps across my face.

Though not a paradise, it is home. It is the place where my mother comforted me during my nightmares, where I learned that I loved cinnamon butter, and where I met Anara.

“What should we expect?” Thylas’ voice causes me to flinch. Sneaky little shit.

“With what?” I reply.

“Our arrival. ”

“Don’t expect the pomp and circumstance you are accustomed to, at least until we get closer to the castle. When we get there, I’ll meet with my father first. You, Siphonie, and Rhenor can help take Carnaxa to her chambers — they should be prepared by now.”

“Are we sure she’ll be safe in her room?”

I swallow harshly. He’s not going to like this next part. “I will ensure that she is just as protected as I am. Her chambers are attached to mine.” These preparations were completed long before I left Shaston. My father claimed a wife should always be available to her husband’s needs. They began clearing the chambers out the day I left.

Thylas rolls his head from side to side. “Of course they are. And will I sleep outside with the horses?”

I chew on the inside of my cheek. “If you wish. You will, however, have your own room somewhere. I’m sorry, I don’t know where exactly. We’ve never had an ambassador stay with us before. But ...”

I consider what is about to spill from my lips. I will probably regret it, but Carnaxa will be furious with me if she wakes and finds out on her own that he could have been nearby. “I’ll show you the tunnels so you can find her. My father and I have used them for years for different things,” I say casually, preferring not to tell him they are dubbed “the whore road.” It would only give him more reason to doubt my intentions with Carnaxa.

Thylas nods his head before nudging the side of his horse to turn around and trots back to her carriage. Rhenor and Siphonie are nearby on horseback, and Siphonie waves towards me .

When King Clennom suggested a female ambassador — I knew I would have to deny the request — but watching her over these last few days has allowed me to see why he wanted her to be Antalis’ representative. Siphonie is strong. Even though she is heartbroken at Carnaxa’s state, she has quickly gathered herself and started taking care of things for Carnaxa. She’s been studying with Rhenor as well, to learn more about Shaston. Everyone had to listen to the complaining in Carnaxa’s room when she learned about the lack of voice she will have here, already telling us that she will be doing what she can to change that.

Shiw, my horse, tosses his head in excitement. The blankets put on him for protection flap around. He knows we are close to home.

I pat his neck. “You’ll get to see your woman soon, old friend.”

He responds with a neigh, and I look up again at the castle. Somewhere, Anara is there. She’s waiting for me, and I only hope that I can keep her and Carnaxa safe within those walls.

As expected, the city is quiet. No one comes outside to greet us or to praise our names. Not yet. As we get closer to the castle, they will only hope to gain favor from my father. He gives out extra portions of food when he’s greeted “as a proper king.”

Those on the outskirts of the city are so thin, he must not have been providing their rations. I make a mental note to see if I can have Ryul bring something out to them. Having grown up on the streets of Shaston before becoming a part of the Prel , he is willing to help bring our subjects supplies, despite my father’s wrath if he’s found out.

A child comes running through the streets in front of us. His skin looks wet from the open and oozing blisters covering him, living unprotected from the sun will do that to those who can’t afford the proper clothing. The people of Shaston hope their small homes, peppered with holes, can keep them from burning to death. Those who stay out in the sun for too long catch fire and turn to ash.

I look towards the whipping post stationed in the center of the street ahead of us and my knuckles grip the reins tighter. They are erected every few streets in Shaston, my father’s favorite punishment for those who disobey his commands. A punishment for me in its own right, since I am forced to execute the sentences. I’ve held the whip countless times, felt the weight of its leather handle in my hand as it cracked through the air and lashed against sun-scorched backs. It’s my duty, he claims, as the Prince of Shaston. It’s supposed to help me learn what makes a king, and yet it makes me realize exactly the type of king I don’t want to be.

I roll my shoulders and hope the memories will disappear, even though I know they never will. They haunt me every day and I imagine will continue to do so even when Carnaxa wakes, if not more so. It would have served her better to let her keep believing me to be a monster. Now she’ll forever think somehow I can be that man again, the man she glimpsed. For a few nights, I thought I could be that version for her, but now I know I won’t have a choice.