Page 87 of The Sun Sister

‘Can I sit down now? I feel so dizzy...’

‘Let’s walk a little more first, and then we’ll sit you down and you can have a nice hot drink.’

The coolness of the air began to work as Tommy paced me up and down the terrace. I opened my eyes and swayed a little as he counted our breaths in and out.

‘You’re doing fantastic! Feeling better?’

‘A bit,’ I nodded.

‘Okay, that’s great. So, let’s sit you down here.’

He eased me into a chair and seconds later I smelt the strong scent of coffee wafting up my nostrils, which made me heave again.

‘I don’t think there’s anything left inside you to throw up,’ he said. ‘Here’s the coffee, sweetheart.’

For the first time, I focused on his face and grasped the cup as he handed it to me.

‘I’ll go and clear up in the bedroom,’ said a female voice, which I now recognised as Mariam’s.

‘No! Please don’t. It’s disgusting!’

‘Don’t you worry about me, Electra. Remember, I have five brothers and sisters at home. I am used to vomit,’ she added cheerily as she stepped inside.

‘Sip the coffee, Electra, it’ll help.’

I did, but also managed to spill it everywhere because my hands were shaking so much.

‘Hey, I’ll feed it to you. Here.’

Tommy lifted the cup to my lips and I took small sips as my head began to clear.

‘How come you’re here?’ I asked him.

‘Mariam came by to check on you, ’cos your sister had called her in a panic. I was outside and she told me your sister thought you might have OD’d. She wanted to call 911, but I said I’d take a look at you first, because I have some medical training from my army days, and I know you wouldn’t have wanted the hospital, would you?’

‘No, and thanks, Tommy. I feel so ashamed. That wassooodisgusting.’

‘Hey, I’m an army vet and I’ve seen any number of guys turning to drink and drugs on their return to civilian life. I went there myself for a while too.’

‘Okay, well, thanks again.’ My stomach churned with the aftermath of what I’d put inside it and what Tommy must think of me. ‘Not much of a goddess tonight, am I?’

‘Hey, Electra, you’re just flesh and blood, like all of us. Human, y’know?’

I looked down at myself, at my vomit-covered jeans, and felt utter revulsion at the level I’d sunk to.

‘I’m gonna go have a shower, if you don’t mind.’

‘Course I don’t. Need some help gettin’ there?’

‘No thanks, I can manage.’ I stood up, still feeling wobbly, but able to walk unaided into the living room.

‘Almost done in here,’ Mariam said, coming out of the bedroom. ‘You might want to sleep in your spare room for tonight, though; the smell of disinfectant’s pretty strong.’

‘Okay, thanks.’

In the shower, I scrubbed my skin until it was almost red-raw, as though the chemicals I’d taken had infected that too. I stepped out, wrapped a towel around me and sat down heavily on the toilet seat. And only wished I could stay in here and not face the mess I’d made of myself, and the people who’d tried to help me who had seen it.

‘You’re a goddamn screw-up, Electra,’ I whispered as I rubbed my hands up and down my thighs in agitation. ‘They’re right; you need help. You. Need. Help.’