Page 262 of The Sun Sister

‘Is it? I didn’t know that.’

‘Yes. Even though Muslim men can marry non-Muslim women. Life really isn’t fair, is it?’

‘My pa always told me that all the old biblical texts were written by men, Mariam, so they could have it all their own way, you know,’ I shrugged, trying to lighten the atmosphere. ‘Could you guys not get married in a civil ceremony?’

‘I am the eldest daughter in my family, Electra. Our entire life, our community, has been based around our faith since I was young. A civil wedding would not be recognised – I would be going against all the principles that I have been brought up with if I married him.’

‘Mmph,’ I said. Not being a believer in organised religion myself, it was difficult for me to have an opinion, apart from the fact I knew how much it mattered to Mariam. ‘Could Tommy not convert to your lot – I mean, faith?’

‘Maybe he could, yes, but remember he was out in Afghanistan, Electra, and even though he has never said this outright, I know he saw some atrocities that were perpetrated by Muslim extremists. He has friends who died at their hands, blown up by mines or bombs...Oh, it is just all so complicated!’

‘Love always is, isn’t it?’ I sighed. ‘I mean, this probably isn’t a solution, but could you two just live in sin or something?’

‘No, never, Electra. That would be the worst sin of all,’ Mariam said firmly.

‘And what has Tommy said to all this?’

‘Nothing. As I told you, I said it was over between us a week or so ago.’

Which must have been around the time I heard him talk at the AA meeting, I thought.

‘So that’s why he hasn’t been here?’

‘Yes.’

‘And he knows why?’

‘Kind of.’

‘But have you actually asked him whether he would be prepared to convert to Islam? I mean, if that’s the only option?’

‘Of course I haven’t. He hasn’t asked me to marry him or anything, but given everything I’ve just told you, I just can’t see a future for us, so I decided that the best thing was simply to end it.’

‘Well, I get that it’s a little complicated,’ I replied, feeling like the mistress of understatement, ‘but oh, Mariam, I’ve known there’s something wrong for ages. I also need to tell you – well, I need to break one of the rules of AA confidentiality – and say that I heard him speak at a meeting last week. He stood there and told everyone that he’d fallen in love, but the person he was in love with could never be his. Me and my overblown ego thought he was talking about me,’ I smiled. ‘Of course, he was talking about you. He loves you, Mariam, truly he does. And if you love him too, I’m sure there’s a way that this can be worked out. But you guys have got to speak. You’ve just got to tell him what you’ve told me.’

Mariam sat there in silence, staring at the kitchen wall in front of her.

‘Anyway, I’m worried about him. At least give me his cell phone number so I can check on him.’

‘Okay,’ she agreed. ‘I deleted it from my own cell so I wasn’t tempted to call him, but I remember it.’

I took down the number and stared at her. ‘Listen, I’m not you and from my track record with men, I’m not going to sit here and offer you any advice. But there was something that my grandmother told me that stuck with me. This woman – Kiki Preston was her name – once said to a...relative of mine, that you have to work out who is important to you, and to hold fast to them. You have to do whatever it takes to make yourself and those you love happy, because before you know it, your life could be over. And I think she’s right. It’s what I’m trying to do myself.’

‘Forgive me, Electra, I feel so terrible burdening you with all my problems when I know what a difficult time you’re having just now. Never in my whole career have I had a situation where my personal life has interfered with my professional life. If you wish to employ Tommy as your bodyguard, then I have no right to stop you. I will cope, of course I will,’ she said.

‘Hey, I think we went past keeping our relationship professional when I had my meltdown before I went into rehab. You’ve been wonderful to me, Mariam, and I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise either your happiness or our future relationship. Promise.’

‘Well, that is very kind of you to say, but, I am a professional and you don’t need to take my feelings into account. Now, shall we talk about your design project?’ she said, putting on her brightest smile.

Shaken by my experience in the park yesterday, I decided to go to the gym to work out. As I pounded the treadmill, I thought about how my life had changed in the past few weeks. Before, all I’d done was travel from one shoot to the next. Now, it was one shoot every ten days or so, yet in between, my life seemed to be overflowing with personal stuff. And however tough some of that might be, I knew I could cope, because I had managed to gather a group of great people around me. One of them was my actual blood, and the others seemed to really care about me...

Which immediately brought me on to Miles.

I missed him. Not in a ‘I haven’t seen you in a while’ kind of missing, but in a permanent dragging at my heart – it was a feeling I couldn’t quite describe. It was as if I wasn’t whole if he wasn’t around, which sounded kind of weirdandserious. Maybe Lizzie was right, and he was too intimidated by me to say anything. Or maybe I just hadn’t shown him how I felt about him...

But I was scared too, because Ihadshown Mitch how I felt. In fact, I’d been so needy, I wanted to vomit when I thought about the person I’d been with him. I just couldn’t let myself go there again...

Later, in the car on the way to my AA meeting, on a whim I redirected the driver to take me by the Flatiron Building to the meeting nearby. If Tommy was in trouble – which I guessed he was – I had a feeling that’s where I’d find him.