Page 269 of The Sun Sister

‘No, just the opposite. I’m just so damned proud of you, that’s all.’

‘Aw, Miles, don’t get me going too.’ I fanned myself as a young black woman walked up to our table, staring at me shyly. ‘Hi there,’ I smiled at her, glad of the distraction.

‘Hi, Electra. I...I just wanna say that, well, I’m a fan. Like, you bein’ black and successful and shit, you inspire me and my friends.’

‘Hey, thanks, I appreciate that.’

‘And I really like your new afro. Maybe I’m gonna give it a go – do the chop, cuz me and my posse just can’t afford the weaves and relaxers and stuff, y’know?’

‘Yeah, you go for it, honey, it’s the best decision I ever made.’

‘Can I take a picture with you?’

‘’Course you can. Come sit by me and my friend will do the honours.’

Miles duly did so, and the girl walked away from the table smiling from ear to ear.

‘Aw, that was cute,’ I said. ‘Maybe I could do one last photoshoot with my afro and it might encourage other kids to escape the tyranny of the hairdresser.’

‘Well, if you ever wanted proof that you’re a role model, Electra, and anything you do is gonna be seen and heard by the youth around the world, I think that was it,’ said Miles.

‘As long as she doesn’t tell the paps she’s just seen us together, otherwise you’re going to end up with your face in the papers.’

‘Yeah, I don’t know how you cope with that stuff. I couldn’t.’

If you were with me, then maybe you’d have to...

‘Anyway, let’s talk about something else, shall we?’ I said abruptly. ‘I have a situation that I wanted to talk through with you. It’s to do with my PA and I wondered if you had any thoughts.’

I explained the Mariam/Tommy scenario as Miles listened intently.

‘Yeah, that’s a tough one,’ he agreed. ‘She has her faith and he’s an Afghanistan vet...’ Miles shook his head. ‘What is it with us humans? We always seem to fall in love with somebody who presents us with all kinds of difficult dilemmas.’

‘But they love each other. They want to be together and if they could figure it out, selfishly, I’d have the perfect team. Tommy’s a great guy, Miles. And you already know how lovely Mariam is. I mean, you’re into the religious stuff; if you met, say, a Muslim woman or even a non-believer, would it stop you from moving on with the relationship?’

‘There’s two issues there, Electra. One is the fact there’s nothing specific in the Bible to say that women are forbidden from intermarriage. In Mariam’s religion, it is forbidden. The second, and to me the most important thing, is the social and cultural issue. Being part of a religion, whatever it may be, provides you with an identity, and a community of others who believe in the same moral codes as you. And in a world where morality seems to be slipping away day by day, those communities and that sense of identity become even more important. In my book anyway. So, for Mariam, I would have guessed that the thought of bringing an outsider into her “club” is just as big an issue as the fact it’s technically forbidden for her to marry him. And then you have Tommy, and his difficult experience out in Afghanistan, not to mention the Twin Towers and the hatred that’s left behind...The answer is, I don’t know. It’s a tough situation. Listen, why don’t I talk to him? Maybe I can explain a little bit better where Mariam is coming from. I know some about the Muslim faith – the good bits of it, I mean, of which there are many. He might need to be made aware of those right now.’

‘Would you, Miles? That would be amazing. Thanks.’

Then a weird silence descended on the table, which felt really uncomfortable. Miles was staring at the wall behind me, so I fiddled with my napkin, sensing the change in atmosphere.

‘Listen, Electra. Maybe this isn’t the moment to talk about it, but...’ I saw him swallow hard. ‘I, well, I spoke to my pastor before I came over for some advice and he said I should just spit it out. So, here goes: you might have noticed that I enjoy your company a lot. And the truth is that I – despite my best intentions not to – have developed feelings for you. The point is, as I’m sure you learnt in rehab, two addicts in a relationship is not usually a cool thing. You’re only in the foothills of recovery too, which makes it even more dangerous. There’s always the risk that we drag each other back down into the shit. Then there’s the fact that you’re an international superstar, and I’m a two-bit lawyer who just about earns enough to keep body and soul together in this crazy expensive city we live in. I’m gonna be honest with you now and say that I am just not sure I could deal with the celebrity lifestyle you have. And even if I told you that the fact you earn a million times more than I do wouldn’t affect me, it might, because maybe my sad male ego couldn’t cope with it. And then there’s the fact that, now that I’ve said all this, you might not be interested in any relationship other than a platonic one, which would make this conversation null and void anyway.’

At this point, he was leaning in towards me so that any listening ears wouldn’t be able to hear him. I could see he was waiting for an answer.

‘Okay, thanks for sharing, as they say in AA. Yup.’ I nodded. ‘I get everything you say.’

‘And?’

‘And what? Oh, come on, Miles, are you going to make me say it out loud or what? Like, surely I’ve made it obvious I’m interested in you?’

‘Well, yeah, I know you like me, but I thought it was just maybe on a friendship level, because of our connection through helping Vanessa.’

‘Yeah, it’s all of that, but it’s...’ – I gulped – ‘more than that.’

‘Right, okay, I’m not sure whether that makes me happy or just shit scared.’ Miles sat back, relief on his face.

‘Are you seriously telling me you didn’t know? Like, how I felt about you?’