Page 210 of The Sun Sister

‘Good for you! I’m only hoping there’s enough money from Bobby’s army wages and from the farm to employ some help for me too when the baby comes. I must say, Cecily, you look positively sparkling today,’ Katherine said as she eyed her friend. ‘You’ve finally come out of your funk and it’s wonderful to see you and Bill so happy. I only wish Bobby was so dreamy over me, but we’ve known each other forever and I sometimes think he still sees me as that irritating little child who followed him around.’

‘Katherine, you have one of the happiest marriages I’ve ever known.’

‘I’m not sure he’ll be after me for my body once I’ve given birth. Honestly, Cecily, I feel like I’ve almost doubled in weight already! I’ll be the same size as one of his precious heifers by the time I’m due!’

After a very jolly lunch, they played some card games before Katherine said it was time to go home.

‘I’m utterly shattered, but it’s been the most wonderful day. Thank you so much. We’ll return the favour next year, promise,’ she said as she and Bobby hugged their hosts goodbye.

Bill had to hold his wife firmly by the shoulders as the pick-up disappeared off along the drive.

‘Wait for a few minutes, Cecily. You never know, Katherine might have forgotten something and come back for it.’

The moment ten minutes was up, Cecily was outside, calling Nygasi’s name.

‘Do you really have to fetch Stella straight back?’ Bill called after her. ‘I’d have liked to have you to myself for a while.’

But Cecily was already out of earshot.

Later that night, when Stella was tucked up in the nursery, seemingly no worse for wear after her day with Uncle Nygasi, Bill lit a fire not just because the evening had grown cool, but because it ‘felt more Christmassy’.

‘Tell me about your boyhood Christmases,’ Cecily said, curling up in the chair opposite him.

‘Oh, they were frightfully English. Stockings first thing in the morning, then walking through the snow to church...I’m sure there wasn’t snow every year, but that’s how I remember it. So different from here...’ He sighed and looked at her. ‘Cecily, I...I feel that perhaps we got off on the wrong foot from the start.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I believe that you presumed I was asking you to marry me merely to save your reputation and to provide me with a wife who would run the home I’ve never really had. In other words, it was a “deal” that suited us both.’

‘Yes, that is what you said, Bill. Did I get it wrong?’

‘Not entirely, no. I...well, I was certainly drawn to you the minute I met you. You fascinated me because you weren’t like the other women round here – you wererealand didn’t worry about what clothes you wore or being seen at the right parties. You were obviously bright, and easy on the eye too,’ he smiled. ‘And then we married and the more I got to know you, I saw your quiet tenacity and the fact you never demanded anything from me, but simply accepted who I was. I became, well, more than fond of you. Obviously, I felt it was very inappropriate for us to embark on a...physical relationship while you were pregnant, but I want you to know that it wasn’t because I didn’t want to.’ A faint blush rose up his neck. ‘And then, of course, the worst happened and I was not there for you when you needed me. Cecily, it was unforgivable of me to leave you alone here so close to the birth, especially without leaving word of where I was. And when I finally arrived at the hospital and found you sedated, your life hanging in the balance, I realised not only what a completely selfish arse I’d been, but also that I...that I loved you. Cecily, I sat by your bedside that day and Icried. And I hadn’t done that since Jenny, the girl who broke my heart, told me our engagement was off.’

Bill paused, his face lined with anguish. ‘By then, of course, it was too late: you were so sick and devastated and you believed I didn’t care a fig for you. And why should you have believed otherwise? I’d married you and then continued with the life I’d lived before you arrived. Then the war came, and although I didn’t want to leave you alone here, I had no choice. Besides, I understood that you didn’t want me near you. Even though – albeit in my own clumsy way – I did my best to show you I cared, you didn’t see it, did you?’

‘No, Bill, I didn’t think you loved me one bit.’

‘We were certainly at an impasse, and to be honest, I couldn’t see it ever changing. And then, when Njala came here, the grey cloud around you seemed to lift. I saw you smiling occasionally, and on the night that we entertained Joss, Diana and Jock, you looked utterly lovely. When we danced together, I really began to believe that we could have a future. Do you think we do, Cecily?

‘I...I think both of us have cut ourselves off from the world in our different ways.’

‘Agreed. We have. And more importantly, from each other. The burning question is, of course, did you...doyou have any feelings for me?’

‘I’m not sure I’ve dared to, Bill.’ Cecily shook her head in confusion. ‘Like you, I’ve learnt to rely on myself. I...I just don’t want to be hurt again. After all that’s happened, it would break me.’

‘I understand, of course I do. Perhaps we could go back to the beginning and start again?’ Bill’s eyes were glassy and he looked near tears. ‘I want to try to be a better man for you.’

‘And for Stella.’

‘And for Stella,’ he nodded. ‘Well?’ He reached out his hand to her. ‘Can we give it a go?’

After a short pause, Cecily took it. ‘We can most certainly try.’

‘Come here.’ Bill stood and pulled Cecily to him. Then he took her in his arms and kissed her.

Cecily woke the next morning to a full-scale wailing. She forced her eyes open and saw Bill standing above her, Stella in his arms.

‘I think she might be ill. I tried to feed her a bottle, but she kept spitting it out. What do I do?’