Page 129 of The Sun Sister

‘Oh, and I’ve had a couple of enquires from designers who’d like to talk about collaborations, in the same vein as the one you did with Xavier last year.’

As I’d listened to Susie, for a couple of brief seconds I’d thought back to my sketchbook and how much I’d loved designing. But then again, I’d promised myself not to take on too much.

‘Maybe next year,’ I’d told her.

The upshot was that I had just enough work to keep me busy up until mid-June, and after that, I’d go away to Atlantis for the sisters’ sailing trip. Then I hoped to go down to the Hacienda Orchídea to organise the building works I wanted done.

Excitement bubbled up inside me every time I thought about my new home-to-be. Casey, my business manager, had confirmed that I could easily afford it, so I’d called Manuel with an offer and he’d accepted. He’d also agreed to sell me Hector and said that he’d find a ranch hand to look after him and other horses I might care to add to my stable.

‘But you must come to choose,señorita. Horses are a soul choice,’ he’d said.

I was buying it fully furnished, at what even Casey said looked like a good price. I was also planning on adding a pool and an extra wing to provide further bedroom accommodation; I had dreams of inviting all my sisters to come stay with me at Christmas...

As for Miles, he’d moved out of The Ranch and was staying in a motel nearby the hospital, as he waited for Vanessa’s team to complete the red tape needed to bring her back to New York and get her onto the programme the doctor had suggested. There wasn’t much news on Vanessa herself; since I’d left, they’d put her on what Miles described as heavy-duty antidepressants, and she’d been sleeping a lot. I called her on her cell, but she didn’t answer, so I sent her a text every night, and occasionally received the odd ‘okay’ or ‘thanks’ in return.

Talking to Miles on the phone felt different to talking to him in person; perhaps it was because he had such a warm, rich tone to his voice and a clever sense of humour, but I’d started to see our calls as the highlight of my day. It was partly because he knew exactly what I’d been through and how the transition back to reality was one of the hardest moments of staying clean. I could talk to him freely about the way I was feeling. Which, for the main part, had been positive. Yes, it was still hard to open the fridge and take out a can of Coke or some juice when a month ago there had always been a bottle of vodka in the icebox. At night, when I was watching TV or drawing in my sketchbook (I hadn’t dared venture out to any social functions – I wasn’t strong enough for those just yet), I knew it would take one call to bring my dealer to my front door. Life on the level was tough; I missed the highs badly, but at least there were no lows either.

Mariam had the list of therapists and the dates of local AA meetings sent through to her by Fi for my arrival. I’d needed her to force me to go to AA the first time; she’d driven with me there, squeezed my hand and told me that she’d be right outside. She’d even walked me to the door.

‘What if people recognise me?’ I’d asked her as I stood outside, abject terror filling me.

‘It’s anonymous, remember? No one is allowed to tell on anyone else. Now go, you’ll be fine.’

I did, and I had been. To my utter surprise, I’d seen other well-known faces at the meeting and when I’d stood up and announced that my name was Electra and I was an alcoholic, everyone had clapped and I had cried.

Then the meeting leader had welcomed me, and asked me if there was anything I wanted to say. When I’d done this for the first time at The Ranch, I’d shaken my head and hurriedly sat down, but to my utter shock, this time I’d nodded.

‘Yeah, I just wanted to say that I’ve just come out of rehab and at first I hated it and didn’t understand the Twelve Steps or how they could help me. But...I held on, and then I just got it, and I want to say thank you to, well, the higher power, and everyone who supported me, because people like you guys have saved my life.’

There had been another round of applause (and some cheering) and I’d felt so warm and welcomed that I’d actually started to look forward to my daily meetings.

Surely it’s all too good to be true?I thought as I pounded the pathway, which was exactly what I had said to Miles last night.

‘It’s anything but,’ he’d countered. ‘You’re in the honeymoon phase at the moment, thinking you can deal, but it’s when you’re really back to reality and you’ve been off the stuff for a while that it gets dangerous.’

Every time I felt the urge – which was like a red haze that descended, with a devil voice in my ear telling me that just one shot wouldn’t hurt, would it? Because honestly, I deserved it for getting through a day without and for going to the AA meeting, or taking a run – I visualised instead the redness of the blood that had poured out of Vanessa’s arms as she lay on that bathroom floor. And that made me want to gag in horror and helped take away the craving.

Mariam was the perfect housemate, I thought as I ran out of the park and along Central Park West to get home. She’d insisted on staying ever since I’d come back, and seemed to know instinctively when I needed company and when I didn’t. I also took inspiration from the fact that she’d never taken a drink in her life and was one of the calmest people I knew. She’d proven herself to be a superb cook, especially with curries, which I lapped up because the spice was still helping the cravings. Even though I’d said we could easily order take-out, she’d refused.

‘I love cooking, Electra, so it’s my pleasure. Besides, I know what I am putting into the food, and that makes me happy that we are both eating well.’

‘Morning, Tommy,’ I said, giving him a big smile and coming to a halt by him. There’d been a small posy of flowers waiting for me upstairs when I’d arrived home. Mariam had said they were from Tommy – picked illegally from Central Park, she’d added.

‘Morning, Electra,’ he greeted me. ‘How are you today?’

‘I’m good,’ I said. ‘You?’

‘Oh, I’m okay,’ he shrugged.

‘You sure you’re okay, Tommy? You look a little low.’

‘Oh, it’s probably because I’m having to get up a whole deal earlier to see you these days,’ he joked weakly.

‘Well, why don’t you come and join me on my run sometime?’ I asked him suddenly. ‘I could use some company.’

‘Hey, I just might do that. Thank you, Electra.’ He tipped his baseball cap to me and I ran inside.

‘Breakfast will be ready in ten,’ Mariam called from the kitchen.