Page 24 of The Sun Sister

‘Suit yourself,’ I shrugged as she left to go upstairs. I fixed myself another vodka and Coke, then wandered through to the hall and pushed open the door to Pa’s study. It was like a living museum; it felt as though Pa had just popped out for a while and would be back soon. His pen and notepad were still sitting centrally on his desk, everything immaculate as always –Unlike his youngest daughter, I thought with a smirk, sitting down in his old leather-seated captain’s chair. I studied the shelves of books lined up along one wall, stood up and went to take out the big Oxford English Dictionary that I’d used so often when I was a girl. One day, I’d come in to find Pa sitting in his chair and doing a crossword in an English newspaper.

‘Hello, Electra,’ he’d smiled as he’d looked up at me. ‘I’m struggling with this one.’

I’d read the clue –They go down for a sleep (7)–and mulled it over.

‘Maybe your eyelids?’

‘Yes, of course, you are right! What a clever girl you are.’

From then on, during school vacations and if he was home, he’d beckon me into his study and we’d sit together and do a crossword. I’d found the pastime soothing – I still often grabbed a newspaper from a departure lounge while I was waiting to catch a flight. It had also given me a very good English vocabulary, which I knew surprised journalists who interviewed me – they all presumed that I was as thick as the make-up that was piled regularly on my skin.

Putting the dictionary back, I was about to leave the room when I was stopped in my tracks by the strongest smell of Pa’s cologne. I’d know its fresh lemony scent anywhere. A shiver went up my spine as I thought of what Ally had said earlier about feeling that Theo was there with her...

With a shudder, I hastily left the study, slamming the door behind me.

Ally was back in the kitchen, doing stuff with bottles.

‘Why is that milk in a jug?’ I asked. ‘I thought you breastfed Bear.’

‘I do, but I expressed this earlier so Ma can feed Bear when he wakes tomorrow morning.’

‘Ugh.’ I shuddered again as I watched her pour the milk into a bottle. ‘If I ever have a kid, which is doubtful to begin with, I couldn’t go through all that.’

‘Never say never,’ Ally smiled at me. ‘By the way, I saw a photo of you in some magazine a few weeks ago with Zed Eszu. Are you and he an item?’

‘Christ, no,’ I said, dipping my fingers into the biscuit tin and taking out a piece of shortbread. ‘We go out to play together in New York sometimes. Or to be more accurate, we stay in.’

‘You mean you and Zed Eszu are lovers?’

‘Yeah, why? Do you have a problem with that?’

‘No, not at all, I mean...’ Ally turned to me, looking nervous. ‘I...’

‘What, Ally?’

‘Oh, nothing. Anyway, I’m off to bed to try and sleep while I can. You?’

‘Yeah, I’m gonna join you,’ I said.

It was only when I’d downed a tooth mug of neat vodka from my holdall and clambered into my childhood bed, feeling nicely woozy, that I remembered the outline of the door behind the wine rack down in the basement. Maybe I should go now and investigate...

‘Tomorrow,’ I promised myself as my eyes fell shut.

The next morning, I woke to the screech of Bear’s crying, then reached for my earplugs, hoping to catch another couple of hours, but it was too late. I was wide awake. I threw on my old robe that still hung on the back of the door, then padded out of my room to find some company. The crying was coming from Ma’s suite at the end of the corridor, so I knocked gently on the closed door.

‘Entrez.’

I went inside and had the rare sight of Ma still dressed in her robe too.

‘Close the door behind you, Electra. I don’t want Ally to wake up.’

‘Well,’ I retorted as I watched her pace the room with Bear grizzling over her shoulder, ‘he sure wokeme.’

‘Now you know what it was like for the older girls to be woken by you every night,’ Ma smiled at me.

‘What’s wrong with him?’ I asked as I watched her pat Bear’s back rhythmically.

‘Wind, nothing more. He is not good at getting it up.’