Page 81 of The Substitute

I’m still thinking about it at breakfast the next morning.

“You okay?” Lovelace asks. This is our second year living together, and other than the guy being weirdly secretive aboutwhat he does outside of the team, we get along well. I’d probably call him my closest friend on the team, even if he likes to push my damn buttons.

I look up from my bowl of Fruity Pebbles and nod, though I don’t feel it. I’m rethinking everything, and that’s never a good place to be in. “I’m good. Why do you ask?”

“You never did strangle me.” He winks, opening the fridge. “I’m a little concerned you don’t love me anymore.”

I hold up my middle finger while I finish chewing. “I thought not strangling you was love since we are both the strangler.”

“But if you don’t get it out, it’s going to emotionally back you up, and then it will fuck up your game. A lot of us need this season to end well for any chance at being drafted.”

I know not planning on playing hockey after college puts me in the minority, and I know how important this is to them all. The timing of meeting Tobi sucks. Coming off winter break is when we really need to step things up, and it’s when the season gets really intense, leading into the Myth League Championships and then the Frozen Four. I will barely have time for schoolwork, let alone to try and win a war with my brother. My only saving grace is that he will have hockey occupying as much of his time as I do.

“I’m not emotionally backed up.” I get up to put my bowl in the sink.

“You haven’t brought anyone here in months.” Lovelace’s words make me freeze.

“I didn’t know you stalked me so hard, baby doll,” I say in a fake flirty voice.

“I have to when you stop being open about your business.”

I turn to face him, leaning against the counter. “Says the guy no one knows any fucking thing about.”

“I value my privacy.”

“And I value mine,” I quip back, even though we both know it’s not true.

“I’ve seen you fuck in public.”

I narrow my eyes. “Maybe I’m turning over a new leaf.”

“What are you embarrassed about?” Lovelace crosses his arms, scowling.

“What are you?”

“Not all of us can be queer in public, let alone queer and kinky. It’s easier to be secretive than ruin my life. You never know who will end up a real friend or a fake one and leak something. I’m not trying to overcomplicate my life.”

I tilt my head because I haven’t ever seen him with anyone, so I guess I didn’t put much thought into who he liked. He stayed out some nights, so I assumed he hooked up as much as the rest of us, but I don’t know why I put Lovelace in the default straight box in my mind. I guess that’s my issue. As a bisexual guy myself, I shouldn’t just fucking assume anyone is anything. “Kinky? No shit?”

He lifts his shoulders, clearly still unsure of me.

“Me too.” I flash him a massive grin.

“Fuck, we both really are the strangler, aren’t we?”

I nod excitedly. “We’re going to have a couple of beers and talk shop.”

“I’m down. When are you going to stop sneaking around long enough to make that happen?” Lovelace’s humor has always been dry, so I don’t take it personally.

“I’m not sneaking around. I’m seeing someone, and it’s complicated. But I’ll figure out what’s going on this week with him and let you know.” I wait for his reaction to the pronoun I just dropped.

His brow ticks up. “Cool. Let me know.”

“I will.” I shoot Tobi a text while getting my shit for class.

Savage: What are you up to tonight?

Tobi: Ambrose and I are going to watch a movie.