Page 123 of The Substitute

“Sometimes I do, sometimes he does. When it happens, we pause hookups and do a lot of talking, reconnecting, phone sex.”

I close my eyes and let the fear out. “I don’t know if I can get past it, and I think I’m already losing him.”

“Talk to him. Tell him how you’re feeling, what you need to feel more secure. If he cares about you, he cares about your feelings too.”

I nod and force myself to my feet. I need to get home before Savage finds a way to steal more of my time with Tobi, even though he has a game tonight.

“Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”

Osha stands too and squeezes my shoulder. “I understand the fear. It’s hard to put your shit out there when you know people will have something to say about it, but you have to take care of you first.”

THIRTY-EIGHT

SAVAGE

I’m riding high the rest of the week and practicing even better. This last semester of college couldn’t be going any greater. I know I probably shouldn’t be, but I’m looking at med schools in the city. I never really wanted to leave New York, but with Tobi here at least one more year, it’s even more important to stay close. Maybe I’m rushing into it, but it doesn’t feel like it. It feels so right.

“Morning.” I nod to Lovelace when he comes down for our pre-practice run.

“Fuck you.”

“Damn, baby cakes. Bad night?”

He grabs a mug and sticks it under the espresso machine. “I didn’t sleep well.”

I wait for him to get his coffee going before I say anything else. “Why? What happened?”

He shakes his head, bringing the cup to his lips to take the first sip of his latte. “Fuck. That machine is worth its weight in gold.”

“It is.” I grab two shaker bottles, put pre-workout in both, then add some extra supplements in mine before filling them both with water. “Anyone else coming?”

He lifts a shoulder, eyes still closed, sipping the coffee. “They know where we’ll be. We’ll see if those bitches are lazy.”

“You don’t have to come with me if you’re exhausted. We play the Monsters this weekend. We need you feeling good.”

Lovelace finally opens his eyes. “I’m fine. Just need a minute to get my brain working.”

“Boyfriend issues.”

“No, not exactly. More like I don’t know what I’m even fucking doing issues.”

I clap a hand on his shoulder. “I was there a few weeks ago. I get it.”

“Better now?” He looks me over.

“Much.” I offer him his shaker.

“I didn’t expect to meet him so soon.” He takes it and finishes his coffee before chugging it.

“Me either. That was a bit of a surprise, but it went really well, I think.”

“I mean, for the ten seconds I saw him.” He puts the shaker in the sink, then sits on one of the stools to put his running shoes on.

I stretch out my arms and do a few twists to get my back warm. “I’ll have him over again so you can properly meet him.” I’m just glad all my hockey stuff is at the rink, so it wasn’t all over my room like Ambrose’s usually is.

We both grab light jackets and hats before heading outside. Winter is keeping a stranglehold on the city, so we need the warmth until we start sweating, then I’ll be annoyed carrying the hat, but better than getting sick. I lock the door behind me and zip the key in my pocket.

“Which way are we going today?” I ask as we both stretch out for another couple of minutes, seeing if any of the other guys show up.