Page 134 of The Substitute

The puck drops, and I force all the images of my dad and Tobi out of my head. But they bleed back through. Every flick of the puck brings one or both back to mind.

First shot of the game sails right past my head, and I barely bite back a scream, tightening my grip on my stick so I don’t throw it. Only a minute left in the period, and it takes everything in me not to walk off the ice.

Lovelace corners me when we make it back to the locker room. “What’s going on?”

“Who said there is anything going on?” I know he’ll see right through me, but I can’t let it out, not now, or I’m going to fully lose it. I keep thoughts of my father in a box in the closet of my mind for a reason. Opening that box is too hard while trying to be a functioning person.

“You could have blocked that shot in your sleep.”

“Everyone has a bad game sometimes.”

Lovelace raises his brows. “You’re not smiling, and you’ve never said a game was bad—ever, let alone before it was over.”

Fuck.

“You know me too well. Stop.” I take a seat on the bench and mess with my skates.

“We live together. Do you expect me to just not perceive you?”

“It would be nice, okay?” I laugh because I know how ridiculous it sounds.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on?”

“Tobi found out I play hockey.”

He doesn’t understand, and it shows on his face. “How the fuck would he not know you play hockey? It’s like half your life.”

“He doesn’t like hockey players. His brother plays for Summerset, and his ex-best friend… It’s a long story.”

“So you lied to him? That’s kinda fucked up.”

“I didn’t lie to him so much as strategically leave it out.”

Lovelace rolls his eyes. “That’s still lying.”

I hold up my middle finger even though he’s right. “I fucking know. It snowballed before I realized how important he is.”

“You in love with him, bro?”

“I think so.”

“Shit.”

“I know, and I may have just let hockey ruin it.”

“You’re in your head about your dad now, too, aren’t you?”

“Can you not read my mind? It’s kinda fucking low.” It’s taking everything in me to not walk out of the arena and get on a flight back. I can’t let this go another day. I have to see him.

“Not my fault I listen when you talk to me. I’m not going to be a worse friend because it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Dick.”

Lovelace grins. “It’s a nice dick, too.”

I make a face and pick up my phone. The text was delivered, but it’s not showing as read, and he hasn’t replied. I pull up Ambrose’s location, which he doesn’t know I have. My stomach drops when I see he’s in the dorm. I blow up the map as big aspossible, like I can possibly tell what part of the room he’s in. His phone looks like he’s in bed with Tobi, which is probably just in my head, but who else would have told him about hockey? They have to be talking.

Fuck. Did I fuck up by encouraging Tobi to talk to him?