Page 62 of The Substitute

“You’re the reason I have gray hair,” she huffs.

“Wait, are you adding ramen to your bath? Are you becoming soup?” Dad asking the important questions.

Ambrose: Jesus. I really thought you were kidding about the microwave stuff.

Tobi: He has a hotplate and is attempting to cook ramen. While sitting in a bathtub full of water.

“I’m uncomfortable being in the bathroom with this many people,” Dad says.

“What’s the definition of soup?” Teddy asks no one in particular, then looks up at the counter where I notice he’s got his phone propped up. “Probably not into group vore then?” He nods toward Dad.

Now I have questions, too. What the fuck does Teddy know about vore? And is he asking if our parents are into it? I shudder at the thought.

“We can give you lessons on vore if you want,” Teddy says to Dad.

“What have I done to deserve this?” I mutter to myself.

Ambrose: I really don’t know how he’s survived this long.

Dad looks between the screen and Teddy and asks, “Vore? Is that some new kid slang?”

“Don’t Google it!” Rhys yells so unexpectedly, Dad fumbles his phone and drops it.

Dad sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. “Maybe we need a family meeting.”

Tobi: Now we’re discussing vore. I swear he should have his internet privileges revoked

Ambrose: That sounds hilarious and terrifying with a side of electrocution.

Tobi: Not when I don’t get to take the toaster bath!

Ambrose: No! No toaster bath for you.

Tobi: I’m kidding but listening to Teddy is maddening.

Ambrose: Better than being alone in the dorm.

Now I feel bad. I forgot Ambrose doesn’t have anywhere to go.

Tobi: I’m sorry.

Ambrose: Don’t be. It’s lonely but it will be my first peaceful Christmas. I used to dread leaving boarding school to go home for the holidays, and that says a lot because school was hell.

Tobi: Do you want me to come back?

Ambrose: No, stay and enjoy your family.

I frown. Does he not want me there? Because I don’t want to be home. Not with Teddy and Rhys fucking like rabbits. But I don’t ask because I can’t take the rejection right now.

Mom looks like she wants to cry. “I don’t think I can have another sex meeting.”

Tobi: If my parents have another sex meeting, I’m leaving.

Ambrose: Another one?! How many have you had?

Dad puts a hand on Mom’s shoulder. “It’s better than standing in the bathroom, trying to prevent our son from cooking his meat.”

“That was Tobi’s fault!” Teddy points at me.