Page 21 of The Substitute

“It’s not?—”

“It is,” I say coldly but it sucks. “Can we just start over?”

“How do we do that?” he asks carefully

“I don’t know. But I want to figure it out.”

After practice, I’m still stewing, so I grab the subway to the Gods’ campus to confront my brother. I bang on his door and wait for him to answer.

“Yes?” Savage asks, like he has no idea why I’d be here.

“Why the fuck do you need to involve yourself in every aspect of my life?”

“I wasn’t aware I was.” He’s such a dick.

“You know what you’re doing.”

“What am I doing?” he asks.

“Getting involved with Tobi to piss me off.

“What if I like him too?”

“You don’t like him. You’re just doing this to get me to talk to your mother.”

He shrugs noncommittally.

“Don’t fucking deny it. I know how you operate. You’ve never met a person who would make you date one person.”

“I’m not denying anything, nor saying anything. I can like him. I can pursue him. That’s mine and his business. Not yours.” Savage isn’t giving me an inch.

“What is your fucking end goal?” I don’t give him a chance to reply. “This isn’t going to make me stop going after him, or go see your mother.”

“Our mother,” he corrects.

“She’s not my mother.” I grind my teeth.

“She’s raised you since you were little. That counts for something, doesn't it?” He’s always playing an angle, and I hate it. Yes, I love his mother, but at some point, I had to admit to myself that she’s enabling my father.

“I’m not having this fucking argument again.” I ball my hands into fists.

“You gonna fight me?” Savage laughs, amusement flickering in his eyes.

“What if I am?” I step up to him.

“I welcome the fucking release. I’ve wanted to kick your ass every fucking day for upsetting Mom.”

He’s delusional. He knows if I went home, she’d tell my dad, and I’d have to see him. “She picked his side when she let him kick me out of her house.”

“It’s their house.” He sounds exacerbated.

“No, it’s hers. Her first husband bought it. Your dad. Maybe you remember him? He’s the fucking reason your college is paid for, and you have a fucking trust fund and aren’t living under their thumb. I don’t have that fucking luxury, and I’m done taking whatever he decides to fucking dish out this week for money.” It’s a low blow, bringing up his father, since I know the guy was a grade A douche bag too before his dementia got bad.

“Fuck you. You don’t know what I’d give to have him back, including the asshole parts of him, instead of having to make all his fucking medical decisions.” Savage grinds his teeth. His dad used to play professional hockey and was pretty good, but he’d dealt with CTE for years. “I have no idea what your dad put you through, but I do know what he’s put my mother through, and she loves you. She cares about you and wants the best for you. This has nothing to do with him.”

“That’s where you’re fucking wrong. She’s allowing him to be who he is by staying with him. You can see it differently, but she doesn’t have to be with him.” I don’t even know why I’m rehashing this. I could say it until I’m blue in the face, and Savage won’t ever see it, and I just don’t care anymore. He tries to speak, but I cut him off and keep going. “Can you just stay the fuck out of my life?”

“I’ve left you alone. I can choose to study with whomever I want.”