Page 159 of The Substitute

“Is that how he died?”

“It is. We didn’t know that until the autopsy because that’s when CTE is diagnosed, but the damage in his brain was prettybad.” I’m not going to lie to him again. Even if that means he doesn’t want to be with me. “If that gives you reservations about our relationship, I understand.”

Tobi looks confused. “No! I just feel bad you went through that.”

“You know that could happen to me, right?”

Tobi hugs me again, this time careful not to get ice cream on my face. “It could happen to Ambrose and my brother and Rhys, too.”

“Yes, but they don’t fully understand it. What if some people are more susceptible?”

“I wouldn’t break up with you because of a risk. Any of us could die tomorrow.” He’s right, and I know it, but this feels so much heavier.

“It’s really hard to watch someone you love turn into a monster. I wouldn’t blame you or anyone else for leaving.”

“I’m not going anywhere, and I don’t think you’ll ever be a monster.”

I hug him tighter, pressing my forehead to his. “I wouldn’t blame you if you ever do. If I show signs?—”

Tobi cuts me off. “Would you leave Ambrose if he started showing early signs?”

“No, of course not. I’m the best person to be there for him since I know what it looks like and can help take care of him.”

“And I love you, so I’d want to be there too.”

“You love me?”

Tobi’s eyes go wide, realizing what he said. “Yes.”

“I love you too.” He wraps both of his legs around one of mine and gives me a watery smile.

“So you’ll stay if I get dementia, but want to vomit because I’m a goalie?”

“Because you’re a goalie, I’m basically fucking my brother.” Tobi looks like he’s on the verge of vomiting.

“What do you think Eiffel Towering you with Ambrose is?”

“What is Eiffel Towering?” Tobi asks.

“Being on either end of you,” I say, giving him a look.

“Oh!” His cheeks flush, and I love it. “But you’re not actually touching, so it doesn’t count.”

“You know we made eye contact while inside you yesterday.”

Tobi giggles, and it’s the cutest fucking thing. “You still came pretty hard.”

“Which arguably is worse!”

FORTY-EIGHT

AMBROSE

“Hurry up!” Tobi whines, bouncing on his toes.

“Will you relax? We’re fine.”

“We’re going to be late! I don’t want to miss him!”