Page 91 of Something Like Winter

Tim nodded.

“Good. Now get back to work and make sure these men are all drunk and horny before I ask them for their hard-earned cash.”

Tim laughed as Marcello floated back into the crowd, graceful as a Zeppelin. All around voices were babbling, laughter filling the air. Life went on. Painful and treacherous as it may be, life went on.

__________ Part Three: Austin, 2002 __________ Chapter Twenty-one

Ben.

Tim had dreamt of running into him countless times. Usually these fantasies were triggered by a visit home, especially around the holidays. Tim would go shopping, hit the mall, Walmart, or even the grocery store, and part of him would always be looking, just in case Ben was home visiting and needed to buy markers or whatever in the middle of the night.

One time Tim saw him, or so he thought, in the greeting card aisle. The person’s build was the same, the hair color right. Any other discrepancy in resemblance could be explained away by age. Tim browsed the cards, eyes never on the folded cardboard in his hand, until the other person had finally looked at him. And didn’t react. Not his Benjamin, then.

Outside these odd moments, Tim went on with his life, struggling through his last year of college and trying not to think about what the past had been or what the future held. So when he entered the coffee shop, annoyed by the loud espresso machines and bean grinders, his thoughts weren’t on the past at all. Instead he was looking forward to getting an Italian soda so he could return to the sunny weather outside. The clueless person in front of him was sounding out the words on the menu, so Tim glanced around in exasperation.

A pair of eyes darted away as he did so. Big expressive eyes that stood out against dark skin. Well, well! Allison Cross. Tim hadn’t seen her since the end of sophomore year. As always she looked good, if a little nervous, her attention locked stubbornly on the person she sat across from.

Blond hair, medium length, half covering the ears. His build was right too, but Tim didn’t need more evidence. If asked to paint those ears from memory, he couldn’t have. There was nothing significant about them, but seeing them now, even half obscured, got his neurons firing. Tim was already moving around the tables, feeling detached from the world, like in a dream. He could see the person’s profile now—the nose that curved upward ever so slightly at the tip, the brow cocked in an alltoo-familiar “what the hell?” expression. Tim opened his mouth to speak the impossible.

“Benjamin?”

As soon as their eyes met, Tim felt light, as if the molecules in his body were separating and would soon dissipate, floating away in a happy cloud. Maybe this heady sensation caused him to reach out and place a hand on Ben’s shoulder. Even through the light blue T-shirt, Tim felt sparks—real, honest to goodness tingles.

Tim caught his breath. “It’s really you, isn’t it?”

Ben looked just as taken aback, mouth hanging open as he stared. Those lips, the pointy incisors, every detail was still so familiar. “Yeah,” came the answer.

They were together again. Finally. Already it felt so good. Except the feeling wasn’t mutual. Ben’s watery brown eyes turned hard as he jerked away his shoulder, breaking physical contact.

Damn.

“Man,” Tim breathed, grasping for a lifeline. “So are you just visiting or what?”

Ben’s jaw clenched. Tim could see a hint of afternoon stubble. That was new. He stared as Ben’s mouth formed words that puzzled him. “I’m enrolled here.”

“Since when? I thought you were in Chicago?” Tim looked at Allison for an explanation, but she focused on Ben, trying to explain everything in a meaningful expression.

“I’m guessing we go to the same school?” Ben asked her.

Allison pressed her lips together and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Jesus!” Tim took a seat. All these years and they had been so close without even knowing it.

“I have to go.” Ben stood, his chair scraping across the floor. He practically tripped over it on his way out the door.

Tim stared helplessly before turning a glare on Allison. “You should have told me!”

“Why?” Allison crossed her arms over her chest. “What would be the point? You might have pushed him away, but he made the decision to move on and never once said he regretted it.”

“Fine.” Tim watched through the window as Ben rushed off. “I know I fucked up, but things are different now.”

“Are they?”

He didn’t have time to answer her, not unless he wanted to risk another five-year separation. Maybe Tim should have searched for Ben in that time, and maybe Allison was right and there wasn’t a point. But now that Tim had seen Ben again, he wasn’t going to let him get away without at least telling him one thing.

Tim was on his feet and out the door, leg muscles pushing hard against the concrete when he saw Ben was already halfway down the block. Not this time! Tim was running to him, not away. The world seemed to move in slow motion, as if no possible speed was fast enough to close the distance. Tim called his name, and eventually Ben halted, but he hung his head like it was the dumbest thing he’d ever done. The world sped up again, Ben just inches away from him now. Tim wanted to reach out and touch him but didn’t dare.

“Hey,” he tried.