Page 74 of Something Like Winter

Travis seemed determined to pass Go as quickly as he could, so Tim pulled away and stood, feet spread on the hot tub bench. With Travis still seated on the edge, their roles were reversed. Tim wasn’t any more gentle than Travis had been. They had a lot of frustrations to work out. When he got close, he glanced down to see Travis pumping his fist, muscles tensing. They were both teetering on the brink, so Tim focused on keeping his balance as he let out a guttural growl of pleasure. Travis lasted a few seconds after he did, Tim watching him in satisfaction, but suddenly he was slipping backward. Tim’s fall was broken by the water, his head barely missing the far edge of the tub. Had Travis pushed him? He righted himself and looked at Travis in confusion just in time to see him spit into the snow.

“You all right?” Tim asked.

Travis glared at him.

“Sorry.” Tim chuckled. “I should have warned you before I came.”

Travis nodded, then cast his eyes downward. “Cold,” he said, slipping back into the tub.

Tim waded over to him, wanting to be close. He sat on the bench and slid over, pressing his leg against Travis’s and putting an arm around him, but Travis shrugged him off and moved further down the bench. He still couldn’t look at Tim.

Cold indeed.

Timknewhe should have waited. He had wanted it to be romantic, to have some sense of emotion when they slept together. Instead it had been feral, only physical. But he wasn’t giving up. They still had three more nights to get it right. Tim sank into the tub, water all the way up to his neck, getting himself warm again before he got out.

“You hungry?” he asked.

He didn’t have to wait for an answer. They hadn’t eaten since that morning when Tim drove into town for some doughnuts. Time to heat up Eric’s lasagna. Good food, wine, a little candlelight, and music. This was the ritual needed to summon up Cupid. The night could still be saved. * * * * *

Tim lit the candles and stood back, examining the table and wishing he knew some fancy way of folding napkins. Still, for his first attempt at laying out a table, it wasn’t bad. He went to the door, flipping the lights off and examining his work again from afar. The setting looked pretty damn romantic to him. He could smell the lasagna from the other room, the juices sizzling on the baking sheet when they splashed over the edge. Elsewhere the television blared, brief moments of silence every other second as Travis flipped through the channels.

Tim’s chest went tight. All of this felt familiar. He didn’t have to dig far into his past to figure out why. A night when his parents were out of town and a thunderstorm had killed the power. Ben had lit candles so they could keep eating dinner. He had joked it was romantic, and though Tim wasn’t ready to admit it then, it had been. A simple meal together in their private little world. What had it been, frozen pizza? Or something Ben had cooked? He hated that he couldn’t remember anymore. Some memories should never fade, should be forever retained in perfect recall, but he supposed all of it slipped away eventually. All but the essence.

“How much longer?” Travis called from the other room. “It smells done.”

That it did, so Tim hurried to the kitchen. Good ol’ Eric! The lasagna, when pulled from the oven, looked heavenly. Wrestling with a knife and spatula, Tim got two thick pieces on to plates without making too much of a mess. He hurried with them to the table, noticing that he hadn’t poured the wine yet. Oh well. He could do it like waiters at the restaurants Eric took him to, uncorking the bottle in front of Travis and pouring a tiny bit for him to taste. Of course if Travis rejected it they were screwed, since Tim had only brought one bottle. He didn’t want them getting too drunk. Just a little to help loosen up.

Dinner was ready. A small boom box in the corner played classical music. Tim wasn’t crazy about that, but all the other stations were marathoning Christmas music, so classical would have to do. Food served, candles lit, wine ready to flow. All he needed was his date.

“It’s ready!” Tim hollered. “Get your ass in here!”

He chuckled nervously to himself, feeling the tension that came with giving someone a present and being desperate for them to like it. Tim held his breath when Travis came into the room, watching his face closely. He looked sort of amused. That was good, right?

Travis laughed. “What the hell is this?”

“Dinner for two,monsieur!” The amusement fled from Travis’s face. Was Tim’s French accent that bad? “Take a seat.”

“No.” Travis looked angry.

“What’s up?” Tim said. “It’s just dinner.”

“Acandlelightdinner, like we’re a couple or something?”

Tim clenched his jaw. “Fine, we can blow out the candles if it makes you feel better.”

“And the stupid music,” Travis huffed. “Turn the freaking lights on! We’re not on a date.”

Tim left the lights off. The food was getting cold, and Travis wouldn’t even sit down. “What’s your deal?”

“You! You’re trying to make this all so… We’re not a couple!”

“No, we’re just in a cabin alone together on Christmas Day after screwing in the hot tub. Completely platonic. Nothing gay about it, right, buddy?”

Even in the candlelight, he could see Travis’s face turn beet red. “You know what I mean! We’re not a guy and a girl. You can’t pretend it’s the same. This is stupid!”

Travis tried leaving the room, but Tim moved to block his way. “Why can’t we, huh? What’s stopping us from doing whatever we want? It’s just you and me here, Travis. We can be anything we want for each other.”

“No, we can’t!” Travis jabbed a finger in Tim’s face. “You can’t give me kids! I can’t have a family with you! All you’re good for is a blowjob, which I can get from any cheap hooker.”