Page 138 of Something Like Winter

“Well, that and some Google-powered stalking.”

“I may have indulged in that myself,” Ben said.

“You tried looking me up?”

“Yeah. I was curious. I didn’t find anything, though.”

Because Tim didn’t do anything. He hadn’t left his mark on the world, hadn’t made a difference in any way. The thought was almost as depressing as the cars that filled his driveway and lined the street. Ryan’s party. Tim had nearly forgotten. “Walk me to the door?” he said jokingly, relieved when Ben pulled over and killed the engine. Ben felt like a lifeline to sanity, and Tim wasn’t ready to let go just yet.

They could hear loud music blaring even before they got out of the car. Once they did, shouting voices were added to the din. And a howl that made Tim’s gut twist with guilt.

“I told him not to leave her out back. She hates being alone at night.”

“Chinchilla?”

“Yeah.” Tim nodded toward the house. “Come on. She’ll be glad to see you.”

Having property enough to not need a privacy fence was nice, but Tim was considering having one built. That way Chinchilla could be unchaperoned when outside. Currently he had to keep her on a leash tied to a tree. When Chinchilla saw them, she bounded around in circles, stubby tail wagging when Ben knelt down to pet her.

Tim squatted, unclipping the line and trying to get it untangled. “This happens almost nightly,” he muttered. If he wasn’t having a party, Ryan would get sick of the dog being in the way and put her outside, knowing Tim would bring her back in every time. Ryan probably did it just to piss him off.

“I don’t mean to state the obvious,” Ben said, “but why don’t you just break up with him? I know, I know, you said the sex is really great, but things are only going to get worse.”

“You’re right, but I don’t know how. You heard him last night. He always threatens to kill himself. The night he overdosed was because I suggested taking a break.”

Chinchilla was on her back now, Ben rubbing her belly absentmindedly. He suggested a scheme to get rid of Ryan, one about shipping him off to some tropical gay resort to find someone new. The idea was completely unrealistic and just crazy enough to make Tim smile. Ben still held that power, even now. Tim was miserable and felt embarrassed at the state of his affairs, but Ben could make him smile.

Their joking around was interrupted by the sound of smashing glass. What the hell was Ryan doing, trashing the place? Disturbingly, this was within the realm of possibility.

Ben sighed and stood up. “All right. Time for me to make everything better. Come on.”

As they entered through the back door, Tim saw the chaos around him through Ben’s eyes and realized just how screwed up his life had become. The house was full of guys, many of them probably still in high school, all of them intoxicated. Ryan’s circle of friends had spread beyond Marcello’s escorts and models. Many of the faces were familiar, but only from previous parties like this one that seemed to get worse every time. A group of teenagers stood next to a broken window, a potted plant on the other side.

Tim picked up Chinchilla, worried about her stepping on shards, and shut her in the laundry room. At least there she would be safe. Often Tim would take Chinchilla and retreat upstairs to his bedroom until it all blew over, but tonight he had a feeling things were going to become much worse before they ended.

The heart of the party thudded and beat in the living room. Ben marched in like he owned the place, walking over to the stereo and yanking the cord from the wall. At the sudden silence, every head in the room turned toward them, Ryan’s included, and Tim felt scared. Not for himself, but for Ben. As emotionally strong as Ben was, Ryan was batshit crazy and already moving toward them.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Ryan spat, clearly high on something.

“I’m here with my boyfriend,” Ben said.

Boyfriend?Tim was even more surprised when Ben took his hand. Okay, so maybe Ben was a little crazy too.

Ryan pulled his lips back in a snarl, then launched himself in Ben’s direction, pushing party-goers out of the way.

No. Absolutely not! Tim changed his stance, ready to deck Ryan before he could lay a finger on Ben.

Tim tensed as he felt a hand on his check, one that turned his head. He barely had time to process this before Ben’s lips smashed into his and everything was forgotten. The party, Ryan, the years of mistakes and regrets—all gone. There was only Ben, and he was everything love should be.

When their lips parted again, the room silent, Tim understood. Ben knew that Tim would never leave Ryan. He would have done so already if he could. But they could drive Ryan away if they convinced him they were an item. Tim didn’t need to pretend. Not about this. He looked over at Ryan, leaving his emotions exposed. When Ryan saw the truth, a sob escaped from his throat.

“I’m moving in,” Ben said, twisting the knife. “Tim asked me to. You are leaving and never coming back. All of you.”

When no one reacted, Ben mentioned cops and drug dogs. That did the trick. The street value of the illegal substances these kids were carrying in their pockets and bloodstreams was probably worth a fortune, and none of them wanted to lose what they had. The house cleared out quickly. That left Tim and Ben alone with Ryan, whose sorrow was shifting back to anger.

“I’ll kill myself,” he said. “I swear to God I will!”

“No, Ryan, you won’t.” Tim slowly walked toward him. “I know you won’t, because you’re too much of a coward. You’ve been running away since the day I met you, away from your family’s disapproval, away from the one person who loves you, but most of all you’ve been trying to escape from yourself. I was once that cowardly, and you still are.”