Page 115 of Something Like Winter

Aaron’s expression was a little snide, but he said, “He’s lucky. It’s sort of romantic what lengths you went to. I mean, it’s twisted, but also kind of sweet.”

“Thanks. Listen, I’m sorry if I sent any mixed signals. It’s been a very weird year.”

Aaron rolled his eyes but didn’t look angry. “No big deal. I figure I’ll find the right guy while cutting hair. If I get a job at a ritzy salon, I’ll have my pick of rich old—”

Aaron never finished his sentence because someone grabbed him and spun him around. When Tim saw who, his stomach sank.

“You go to school here?” Ben said incredulously.

“What the hell?” Aaron snapped before he caught up with the plot. “Oh god! Leave me alone!”

Aaron tried pulling away, but Ben kept his grip on his shoulder, grabbing the other. Tim hadn’t seen him like this since their brawl with Bryce and his cousin.

“I thought you were from out of town.” Ben snarled. “You’re a student here, aren’t you?”

“Ask Tim!” Aaron whined. “Leave me out of your little love triangle.”

Aaron was released, backing away before he turned and fled from the building. The fight had gone out of Ben, but his breathing still came fast as he stared into space, the puzzle pieces coming together. Then he glanced over at Tim, abhorrence in his eyes before he turned away.

“Benjamin, wait!” Tim started after him, ducking in front of him. “Let me explain.”

“You lied! And I was stupid enough to believe you. And now Jace —” Ben’s voice strangled to a halt, Jace’s name little more than a whisper. He looked at Tim, shaking his head as if the truth was too horrible to believe.

Tim was losing him. Again.

“I would do anything to be with you.” Tim put all of himself into his words, desperate to convince Ben that this time he was telling the truth. “Yeah, I lied, but I don’t regret it. If that’s what it took to get you back, then it was worth it.”

He tried embracing Ben, hoping he would cry this one last time, get it all out so they could move on. Instead Ben exploded, arms lashing out and knocking Tim away. Unrestrained, he rushed toward the daylight at the end of the hallway.

“I fucked up, okay?” Tim called after him.

Ben kept moving.

“I didn’t know how bad leaving Jace would hurt you.”

Ben reached the doors and shoved them open, Tim hot on his heels and struggling to find words powerful enough to make him stop.

“You kissed me! It’s not like everything was perfect between you two. You wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with you.”

Ben was beside his car now, shaking his head and fumbling with the keys.

“You wanted to believe the lie.”

The keys clattered to the ground. Tim felt one feeble thread of hope reach out to him.

“You wanted an excuse to come running to me. You wanted your relationship with Jace to fall apart just as much as I did.”

Ben turned and leaned against his car like he was about to faint. Tim took hold of his arms, happy for the excuse to touch him, to breach the distance that threatened to consume them.

Ben was incredulous. “What is it with us? Our lives are always so fucked up when we’re together. Is that what makes us attracted to each other?” He shook his head again. “It’s like those studies where a woman meets a man on a swinging bridge over a crevice and finds him extremely attractive, but when she sees him in a safe environment she barely gives him a second glance. We like each other now, but what happens when the danger dies down, when our love is no longer forbidden or a secret? What’s left between us then?”

“A lot,” Tim said. “I promise.”

The way Ben looked at him, he might as well have been speaking gibberish. “How can I even trust you anymore? You lie about coming out, you hide your paintings. Is there anything real about you? Do I even know you?”

“Don’t say that,” Tim pleaded. “You know me. You might be the only one, but you know me.”

“Well, maybe I don’t want to anymore.”