Page 59 of Something Like Winter

only one? Your friend Travis, for instance.”

“Exactly. The guy at the bar has since graduated, but there’s at least

one other besides us, and that’s a story I’m definitely not telling.” “At least not sober,” Eric said. “If you weren’t driving I’d offer you a

drink.”

“Thanks anyway,” Tim said.

Unfolding the check, Eric studied it. “I take it you’re still in the

closet?”

“That’s the other thing,” Tim said. “I acted like Alpha Theta Sigma

was all progressive just because I’m gay, but none of them really know.

That was misleading of me.”

Eric shrugged. “I’ve never needed any help in leaping to

conclusions.” He looked up from the check to consider Tim. “For

someone in the closet, you seem very comfortable with your sexuality.” “I’ve had a lot of practice.” Tim saluted. “Proud closet case since I

was seventeen!”

Eric gestured for him to continue.

Tim shook his head. “It’s a long story.”

“Then you have time for that beer after all.”

And when Eric came back with an ice cold bottle, plus a glass of

wine for himself, Tim told him everything. Talking about Ben again,

even saying his name aloud, opened up so many old wounds. Those old

emotions, both good and bad, had never left him completely. Even

though he tried to kill them—turn his heart to ice—all he had really done

was enter a fragile denial. These days he didn’t suffocate his feelings.

Like the dull throb of a toothache never tended to, Tim had slowly

learned to live with the pain.

“You know what the worst part is? I still remember that feeling when

we first moved to Texas. All the potential I saw, how my life was going

to be bigger and better. When I was with Ben, it was. Everything else

was Kansas, act two. Darryl was just another Brody, Stacy another Carla.

The only new thing was Ben. Once he was gone, the same boring pattern