Page 19 of Something Like Winter

Tim wasn’t sold on the idea until they were outside. A nice stretch of lawn—made secluded by strategically placed trees instead of a fence— awaited them. The bugs were humming a mellow tune, nearly drowning out the neighborhood air conditioners that clicked on and off in the distance. Ben helped Tim get settled into one of the wooden lawn chairs, adjusting the pillows for him. Then Ben lit the Tiki torches, and in the dwindling daylight, Tim found himself relaxing.

“Grab me a beer from inside, and this will be paradise.”

Ben hesitated. “Won’t your parents notice?”

“I don’t care. Get one for yourself too.”

Ben came back with only one can of beer, which he handed to Tim.

“Thanks.” He cracked it open and took a sip. Yeah, not bad at all.

They sat together in silence—just what Tim needed. That’s something else Ben was good at. He could read Tim’s moods like nobody else. Krista was a nonstop chatter box, but Ben was content to just hang out with him. Not that it was fair to keep comparing them, but it was hard not to. If things were just a little different, if Tim was gay or if Ben was a girl, he would be walking down the halls with Ben hanging off his arm. The thought made him laugh.

“What?” Ben asked.

“Nothing. Just thinking about school.”

“You miss it?”

“Are you kidding?” Tim took another swig and set the beer down on the patio. “I wouldn’t go again if I had a choice.”

Ben scrunched up his face. “Weird.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, I just figured that you’d like it more. I mean, you’re popular.”

Tim drew out his reply to make it all the more sarcastic. “Which is so… very… fun.”

“Isn’t it?” Ben challenged. “I have one real friend, and hanging out with Allison is the only thing that makes school tolerable. Without her, I’d go crazy.”

“So what’s your point?”

“Well, you have way more friends, so it would be like having more Allisons. That sounds like a good time to me.”

Tim laughed, but inside he wondered if he was missing something. Multiply the Darryls and Bryces, or even the Carlas and Brodys from back home, and it sounded like one giant headache. His friends kept him entertained and made him feel important, but they could also be tiring. They were just as demanding in their needs as he was, and probably felt the same way about him.

“Let me tell you a secret,” Tim said. “Popular people are insecure as hell. All they worry about is staying on top and being loved by everybody. To do that, they obsess about what everyone thinks of them. Most are downright desperate for any vote of approval they can get.”

“Present company excluded.”

Tim was sure Ben meant it as a compliment and not a jab, but he shook his head. “I’m just as bad, and I can’t even tell you why. Popular kids are just a powerful union of needy, insecure losers. Remember that next time someone stupid like Bryce mouths off to you. You’re better than them, Benjamin. You don’t have to be anything but yourself.”

Ben looked embarrassed, but he flashed Tim a goofy smile. And it made Tim sad, because he had been telling the truth. Come Monday, his life would center around keeping up appearances, because he needed people to love him. Maybe he didn’t get enough from his parents, or maybe he was just pathetic, but Tim lived for admiration. He’d been milking Ben for it the past two weeks, which probably wasn’t fair.

Tim rubbed his neck and sighed. He needed to go running. “Once this cast is off, I’ll never sit down again.”

“Do you want a massage?”

Tim was about to give a snarky response, thinking it was their usual fruitless flirtation, but Ben looked serious.

“Put the seatback down and flip over,” Ben said. “Trust me, I give great massages.”

Why not? Tim leaned the chair flat and rolled over, the foot of his cast banging against the patio, but he was doing so much better that it barely hurt. Ben sat on the side of the chair and started kneading the muscles at the base of Tim’s neck.

“So you’ve done this a lot?” Tim asked, wanting to keep their conversation going.

“Nope. First time.”