Page 82 of Something Like Winter

“Chemo is an option,” Eric said grudgingly.

“Whatever keeps you here,” Tim said. “Don’t you dare give up on me because I’d be bored to tears without you. I told you that my new roommate collects basketball cards. Not baseball,basketball.Who’s ever heard of such a thing? Any time I’m in the room he reads the backs of them to me.”

Eric managed a smile.

“You’re my favorite person,” Tim said. “Stick around, okay?”

Eric nodded, but Tim knew it wasn’t as simple as making a promise. One thing he had learned from being in the closet is that coming out happened slowly. Now that Eric had confided in him, maybe he could convince him to do more for his health, but he would have to play this carefully.

* * * * *

Tim waited in the hallway, shoulders and one foot pressed against the wall. The temptation to talk to Allison again had been constant since their chance encounter, but Tim avoided giving in. For one whole week, at least. Today he had excused himself early from his Mechanics of Materials class just to be sure he wouldn’t miss her. When Allison did show up in the hall, she stopped in her tracks, wearing a deadpan expression.

“Buy you a coffee?” Tim said, pushing off the wall and walking toward her.

“I’m more of a cappuccino girl.” Allison resumed walking.

Tim fell in step at her side. “Okay. I’ll buy you one of those.”

“No thanks.”

“Can I walk you to your next class?”

Allison kept her head high. “I’m heading home.”

“Then I’ll walk you home.”

Allison cracked a smile. “You can walk me to my car. Final offer.”

“Sounds good.” Tim had gone over the questions in his mind all week, trying to decide which was the most crucial. The little details had him most curious. How did Ben look these days? Was he still a terrible driver? Did he still rub his nose when concentrating really hard? “Does he ever mention me?”

Allison sighed. “For a while you were all he talked about. Of course that was a long time ago. How long has it been?”

“Ninety-seven was when it all fell apart. Man, that makes it three years this summer.”

Even Allison looked surprised. “Time just flows on by, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. Too fast for my liking, sometimes.” Such as now. They had reached the exit door and stepped outside to the parking lot. He prayed that Allison had parked far away. “So you said Ben comes down to visit sometimes?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I mean no, I won’t tell you when so you can see him.” Allison glanced over at him. “He loved you, Tim. I mean, reallyreallyloved you. It took a long time for him to get over you completely, but he has. Seeing you again will just reopen old wounds, and I won’t help you hurt him like that.”

“I don’t want to hurt him!”

Allison shrugged. “Regardless, that’s what would happen.” She stopped at a car that was a lot nicer than the junk heap she used to drive in high school.

“You don’t like me much, do you?”

Allison considered him. “You know what sucks? I used to. It took me a while at first. I was sure you were just like the other guys Ben messed around with. They would have their fun and ditch him as soon as he got too close or they got girlfriends. But after everything you went through together, I finally accepted it was going to be different.” “It was,” Tim said.

She nodded. “That’s right, because you weren’t a horny straight boy who felt like experimenting. You’re gay, which meant you could give Ben what he needed. Then you got scared or lord knows what and threw it all away. But before that, I liked you just fine.”

“I fucked up,” Tim admitted.

“Yeah, and I honestly don’t hold it against you anymore. Ben’s an amazing guy, and I bet losing someone like that hurt pretty damn bad. You both paid for what happened, which is a shame, because love shouldn’t have a price.” Allison opened the car door. “The older I get, the more I realize it always does.”