Page 160 of Something Like Winter

“Good,” Tim said. “That way future generations can clone me.”

Ben laughed, but his face grew somber as he stared down into the ditch. Was he remembering? If so, why did he look so damn unhappy? Tim had brought him here to show how far they had come, that they had started from something small and could do so again. Maybe Tim needed to take it a step further.

“I feel faint,” he said, groaning dramatically before toppling over and rolling down ditch’s slope. The keys in his pocket hurt like hell, but this time his fall was controlled. He managed to stop just before hitting the rock.

“Are you crazy?” Ben shouted after him.

“No, but I think I jacked up my ankle again.”

“Whatever. Get back up here!”

“I can’t!” Tim groaned. “You have to come rescue me.” He stared at the sky until Ben’s head appeared against the blue and white backdrop. He was smiling. That was something. Tim extended a hand. “Help me up.”

The second Ben took his hand, Tim pulled him down on top of him. Ben’s knee landed dangerously close to his crotch, and the wind was nearly knocked from him, but he didn’t care. He wrapped his arms tight around Ben, who squirmed in protest before giving in.

“You’ll have to let go of me eventually!” he said.

“Nope.” Tim shook his head. “Never again.”

“What if someone sees us down here?”

Tim gasped sarcastically. “Sounds like something I would have said.”

Ben laughed and howled while trying to fight his way free, and eventually Tim loosened his grip. When Ben pushed himself up on his elbows, his eyes were wet from tears. And although the tears had come from laughter, Tim could still see something sad there.

“What’s going on?” he said. “Whatever it is, tell me.”

Ben sighed. “I get what you’re doing today—taking me around to all these places. And standing up to your parents like that. That was both horrifying and wonderful at the same time.”

“They had it coming,” Tim said before searching Ben’s eyes again. “So why do I feel like you’re sad?”

“These places,” Ben glanced around them. “I know exactly where you hurt your ankle because I came back here countless times. After we broke up, I’d walk by here or your house or even the playground by the lake. You asked if I ever wished I had a time machine, and the answer is yes. For months, maybe even years, I wished I could turn back time and stop that night from happening.”

“Would you still?”

Ben rolled over on to his back. “No. Yes. I don’t know. Part of me wishes we could have been together our entire lives. The other part knows that if we hadn’t fallen apart, I never would have met Jace, and I wouldn’t wish that away. Ever.”

Tim sat up and turned to face him. “That’s okay. I’ve thought the same thing before. I regretted leaving you for so long, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met Eric. I love him. Not in the same way you love Jace, but I’d hate to have never met him. Maybe I would have anyway, except we would have met him together.”

Ben frowned. “I don’t think that would have worked with Jace.”

“I guess not.”

“I want to be with you,” Ben said. “You coming back into my life feels like a miracle. It’s just that we both have so much baggage. All the bad things that happened here or in Austin, which is worse, because it’s also full of happy memories with Jace. I wish we could start over somewhere without—”

“We’ll move.” Tim said. “New York, Canada, Europe. You name it. I’ll sell the house and we’ll start over again.”

Ben shook his head. “It’s not that easy. Austin feels like home now. I love my work, and Allison is there. And what about the gallery?”

“None of that matters.”

But he knew it did. The gallery was part of Eric’s legacy, and taking Ben away from everything else that made him happy wouldn’t be good in the long run. Tim’s pulse raced, feeling he was losing Ben again.

Then he took a deep breath and forced himself to relax. They had made it twelve years. Even if they weren’t together for all that time, their feelings for each other had lasted that long. They just needed a neutral place to start over.

Tim reached out, taking Ben’s hands and pulling him into a sitting position. “Let’s get away from it all. Not permanently. Just for a little while. We’ll take a trip but leave the baggage at home.”

“Yeah?” Ben considered the idea. “I could push my appointments at the hospital back a week. Think that’ll be enough?”