Page 28 of Shadowblood Souls: The Complete Series

Nineteen

Riva

G iven that the town we’ve stopped in is about the size of a postage stamp, it shouldn’t surprise me that the local version of a supermarket is all of three aisles and a single dingy wall freezer. I peer through the smudged glass at the offerings, feeling strangely adrift.

I’ve shopped for food before, but only to grab a quick meal during a mission. The idea of building up a stash of groceries to last across multiple days, even weeks… and there are so many different options I’ve never tried…

I guess regular people have their whole lives to figure out what they like and don’t, so they can casually stroll through a place like this and chuck stuff in their basket without even thinking about it.

Staying away from the frozen stuff seems like a good idea right now, considering we don’t even have a fridge. I pull myself away from the tubs of ice cream and meander to the pre-prepared food section, where at least everything is already organized into a full meal instead of separate ingredients.

Jacob stalks by and pulls a loaf of bread off the shelf behind me. My skin tingles with his passing, the sensation sharpening into prickles that dig deeper inside.

My limbs have felt shakier ever since he checked me over for hidden devices. Little aches have formed in my joints and in the back of my skull, not quite the same as the pangs and twinges set off by his poison.

But I’m not going to act like a liability. I won’t go begging Dominic to heal me up yet.

For however much longer Jacob keeps his stick up his ass when it comes to trusting me, I need to be more prepared. I need to adjust to this new normal of physical discomforts so they don’t slow me down if we end up in another fight.

So I’m never again tempted to let out that shrieking, vicious thing inside me.

If I had, even if I managed to focus it completely on our attackers, what would the guys have thought of me after? Once I started to wonder that, I couldn’t shake the question.

None of them are happy with their own talents. I don’t think they’d appreciate an even more horrible one from the girl they already see as a traitor.

Please, let this Ursula Engel woman know something that will help us turn back to normal. Or at least closer to normal. I can live with retractable cat claws and a sensitivity to bodily chemicals.

I pick up some premade sandwiches that look vaguely appealing, a smile crossing my face when I catch sight of one stuffed almost to bursting with three different kinds of deli meat. I wave it in Zian’s direction where he’s just come around the aisle toward me. “This one’s obviously for you.”

His gaze latches onto it, and an answering smile springs to his lips for just a second before his mouth flattens again. He pushes on past me without a word.

My heart sinks. Okay, after last night’s battle, maybe reminding him of his carnivorous tastes wasn’t the best call.

Naturally, I turn around and catch Jacob glaring at me as if he thinks I was rubbing the subject in Zian’s face on purpose.

I resist the urge to grimace back at him and meander farther down the aisle to the snacks and desserts.

Memories of past group meals flit through my head. A little of my good mood returns as I snatch up a box of chocolate fudge brownies and a bag of coconut macarons.

We meet up near the counter, and Jacob looks over my selections with a scowl but no complaints. I hope he remembers that I’m the one who provided the money so we can do this shopping at all.

Back at the car, we drop the bags in the trunk.

Andreas hits the gas the second we’re all inside, me crammed to one side next to Dominic and Jacob.

It’d make more sense for me to take the middle seat given how much smaller I am than even slender Dom, but apparently Jacob can’t stand the thought of so much as brushing up against me.

About a half hour outside the little town, Andreas veers down a scruffy lane and parks on the shoulder. We pile out to eat picnic-style in a secluded overgrown field. Zian does take the particularly meaty sandwich, I notice with a flicker of triumph.

I grab the two desserts and carry them over to our circle too, with a gesture toward Dominic. “Since you’ve got the real sweet tooth, I figured you should get to pick which we have today and which we save.”

Dominic glances up at me, startled in a way that’s mostly gratifying.

The other guys haven’t bothered with desserts when we were eating at the townhouse, probably because Jacob was in charge of the shopping and focused on practicalities.

But I haven’t forgotten how Dom’s face used to light up when the guardians would include cookies or chocolates with our shared lunches.

Now, he hesitates and seems to draw into himself a little more, like he can merge with the parka he’s switched back to wearing despite the warming weather as we veer south.

“Thanks,” he says without meeting my eyes again, as if it costs him something to accept.

I set my offerings down in the grass in the middle of our circle and sit down to take a bite of my ham and cheese sandwich, but my stomach has condensed into a solid lump.

Maybe I was too distant with them before, too cool and stubborn. Too focused on my own sense of practicalities and not considering the turmoil they’re obviously dealing with.

But I’m trying every way I can think of to show them that the friendship we shared hasn’t died, and nothing I do seems to be going right.

It shouldn’t be this hard. We’re blood; we have each other’s backs. We always did.

How the hell did Brooke manage to hit it off with all those friends just by hanging out and talking with them?

My frustration awakens a shiver of that caustic vibration in my chest. I close my eyes and then stand up to walk back to the car.

Maybe they need me to give them a little space—and maybe I could use some too.

I slide into the back seat, leaving the door open so the mildly warm air can flow through, and peel off my hoodie since I’m starting to sweat in it. I’m about halfway through my sandwich when Andreas ambles over, a couple of macaroons in his hand.

“Mind if I join you?”

The tightness inside me eases. I have made progress with one of my guys.

“Of course not,” I say, offering him a smile I don’t need to force at all.

He drops into the seat by the open door and holds out one of the macaroons. “I thought you might like one too. We can’t let Dom eat all of them. It’d be unhealthy or something. We’re saving him from himself.”

I laugh and take the lumpy cookie. My first bite dissolves on my tongue with a mix of sticky sugar and creamy coconut, and just for a moment, everything feels like it could be okay after all.

Andreas considers me as I alternate between the cookie and the rest of my sandwich, his own dessert polished off in a matter of seconds.

“Are you nervous about what’s up ahead?” he asks when I’m licking the last crumbs of coconut off my fingers.

Is that why he thinks I went off to eat on my own?

I swallow thickly, the sweetness that lingered on my tongue turning sour. I’m not sure I want to have this conversation.

But if I can’t talk to even him, then what am I doing here?

“A little,” I say. “But I know we can handle a lot. We’ll figure out what we have to do when we get there.”

“You just seem kind of tense.”

I look down at my hands and then at him. Andreas gazes back at me with his usual warm, open expression.

Just the sight of that handsome face with his dark eyes so focused on me makes my pulse flutter, but that’s not what my issue is really about either.

I wet my lips and make myself say it. “Everything’s all messed up. Between the five of us, I mean. Between you guys and me.”

Andreas’s smile falters with concern. “Riva, it’s not—it’s complicated. And you can’t let Jake get you down. He’s got his own stuff that he’s working through.”

I duck my head again. “It’s not just Jacob, and you know that. And I could tell things were wrong when I first got you guys out, I saw that you didn’t trust me, I just— I didn’t know it would last this long.” The last words catch at the back of my mouth, but I push them out. “I miss you.”

I missed them so much, for all those years, and now they feel farther away than ever. But saying that much only feels pathetic.

Andreas reaches over to grasp my hand. “I’m here. The others will come around.”

I clutch his fingers and speak past the lump in my throat. “I just thought you all knew me , that you would know I’d never have done anything I thought would hurt Griffin on purpose. It was a stupid mistake.”

I stop there with a flush of shame and embarrassment. I hadn’t meant to say that part.

Andreas studies me. “What mistake?”

Every particle in my body recoils from the idea of telling him about the silly, careless kiss. “Not paying enough attention to what was going on around us,” I say vaguely. “Not catching on that we were in trouble soon enough to prevent it.”

Andreas frowns as if he can tell I meant more than that, but I really don’t want to continue the conversation in that direction.

I grope for a change of subject, lifting my gaze to fully meet his eyes again. “That thing last night where you were… fading—has that happened before?”

It’s Andreas’s turn to hesitate. His gaze drops to our linked hands.

“Not like that. Sometimes using the power makes me feel a little strange, but it hasn’t had an obvious physical effect before. But then, in the past I’ve never gone back and forth between the two states so many times that close together either.”

“I guess that could do it.”

He manages a crooked smile. “Hopefully I won’t have to pull any more stunts like that again.”

Picturing him fading away sends a jolt of fear through my chest. I can’t imagine how he feels about the possibility.

I squeeze his hand tight, seeking out his gaze. “If you need to use that tactic again, I’ll do whatever I can to keep you with us afterward. I always will.”

My voice gets a bit rough with those words. Andreas blinks at me, emotion shimmering in his eyes, and then he’s scooting closer to me so he can wrap me up in his arms.

His warm, summery scent fills my nose. As my head tips against his shoulder, sudden tears prick at the backs of my eyes.

It’s like our embrace in the club—except my memory of that earlier moment is blurred by the alcohol, and I initiated it. This hug is all him.

He pulls me even closer, tucking my head right under his chin, one hand stroking over my braided hair and the other resting against my side. His thumb sweeps up and down over the thin fabric of my tank top.

With each movement of his fingers, a starker heat sparks beneath my skin. It flows over my limbs and through my veins, as potent as Jacob’s poison but exhilarating instead of draining.

I draw in a breath, and even more of Andreas’s scent floods my lungs. A hot, heady pressure forms low in my belly.

I think the hug was only meant to be friendly, but my body clearly has other ideas. With these guys, it always has, but the flare of attraction has never swept through me quite as strongly as now.

I haven’t been quite this close to any of the guys, not like this, since I found them again. And we’re nothing like kids anymore.

It isn’t just me, either. A new tang reaches my nose alongside the delicious smell of Andreas’s skin: a waft of pheromones that’s not stress but desire.

Of their own accord, my fingers curl into Drey’s shirt where they were resting against his chest.

Andreas’s hand dips a little lower to where my top has ridden up from my cargo pants. His thumb hooks under the fabric and glides over my waist skin to skin.

My breath catches. That simple motion lights flames across my torso.

I want him to tease his touch higher—lower—everywhere. I want everything.

If I tipped my head just a little back, I could brush my lips against his neck, flick my tongue across his throat. Taste his scent as well as breathe it in.

The rush of need blots out the rest of my thoughts for only a second before a chilling wave crashes over me.

What’s wrong with me? I can’t let myself get wrapped up in this crazed impulse that’s sending all my thoughts spinning.

The last time I got distracted like that, it ruined everything.

The image of Griffin’s slackening face and sagging body flashes through my mind, and I jerk out of Andreas’s arms. My hand fumbles for the door handle behind me.

Andreas stares at me as if he’s just woken up from a daze. “Tink?”

Somehow the old nickname makes the guilt punch even deeper. I shove open the door and scramble out into the sunlight.

“We should—we should probably get on the road again,” I say, as if that makes any sense when I’m getting out of the car while I’m saying it.

But the other guys are already heading over to us. I should be thanking the stars above that Jacob didn’t see Andreas and I before I broke our embrace.

Instead, my gaze snags on Drey’s uncertain expression, and a twinge of regret shoots through me.

He’s the only one who’s been here for me, and I just pushed him away.