Page 105 of Shadowblood Souls: The Complete Series

Thirty-Two

Riva

I ’m not really in any state to immediately head to breakfast, regardless of the gurgle of my stomach reminding me that I barely ate anything all yesterday.

I dig through my backpack for a change of clothes and then look up at Jacob. “I’m going to take a quick shower. Er, alone.”

The corner of Jacob’s mouth ticks upward with a hint of amusement even as his eyes smolder.

“I think I’d better grab one of those myself, with the water set to ice-cold.”

He gets off the bed and then reaches to give my shoulder a quick squeeze before he leaves.

“You are all right, aren’t you?”

After everything that passed between us last night, that question could refer to a whole lot of things. Maybe all of them.

I pause in the stream of sunlight pouring through the window and really take stock of my internal state.

A whole lot of me still feels tender when prodded. The lump of guilt in my gut hasn’t completely dissolved, and I can’t say my emotions about the guy I just got awfully close with are free of snarls either.

But beneath the jumbled, painful bits, or maybe around them, my sense of myself holds steady. I was shaken yesterday, but I seem to have found my footing again.

“I will be,” I say, and Jacob nods as if that’s the best answer he could have expected.

“I’ll see you in the dining room, then.”

I can’t let him just leave like that. He reaches for the door, and his name tumbles from my lips.

“Jake.”

He glances back at me, his forehead starting to furrow.

I find I can manage at least half a smile. “Thank you.”

For talking me down last night. For shielding me through the night.

For helping me work out other tensions just now…

Jacob’s stance relaxes, as much as the guy ever relaxes. “I should be the one thanking you.”

He strides out of the room with the athletic poise I can’t help admiring now that I’m letting myself feel more than angry at him.

In the ensuite bathroom, I scrub myself all over hastily, taking just a moment to enjoy massaging the fancy shampoo that was part of the bath set Andreas got for me into my hair. The citrus tang wakes up my senses even more.

To face the conversations ahead, I need to be alert and honest and bold. But I have my men with me, in more ways than one.

We’re going to get through this too.

I twist my hair into its usual braid even though it’s still damp after the toweling and slip out into the hall. Dominic emerges from his room at the exact same moment—which is probably not a coincidence, since he must have known I was on my way out.

It gives me a little thrill I can’t totally explain to see him standing assured with his tentacles out in the open. To stop them from dangling at his feet, they fall to his waist and then loop back around to hook over their bases, swaying a little as he steps to meet me.

He’ll have to cover up again when we venture out into normal society. But he isn’t ashamed for me or any of the shadowkind here to see them anymore.

Even with all the worries still weighing on me, I can’t resist pulling him into a hug. Dom hums happily as he hugs me back and presses a kiss to the corner of my jaw.

“You look like you’re feeling better, Sugar,” he murmurs by my ear.

The new nickname sends a giddier thrill right down the middle of me.

I tip my head against his chest. “I just… needed some time to come to grips with things. Jacob helped.”

Another blush tingles in my cheeks, but if Dominic can guess what some of that “help” entailed, I don’t think he minds. He strokes his hand over my hair before we ease apart to head to the dining room.

“I’m glad you and him are sorting things out. He was awful, and of course you’ve been angry, but I know that’s not who he really is.”

My smile turns crooked. “Maybe we’re all still figuring out who we really are now.”

Dom pauses for a moment in his contemplative way. “That sounds about right.”

The smells of buttery eggs and fried sausages tickle into my nose and set my stomach growling again. My mouth is watering before I even step through the dining room doorway—and then it dries up as I halt in my tracks with a stutter of my pulse.

Pearl has come back. She’s perched on the edge of one of the tables, talking with the hulking green-skinned shadowkind who’s occasionally emerged as part of Rollick’s crew.

As my legs lock, she tosses her glossy blond waves over her shoulder and glances around. When her bright eyes meet mine, the succubus’s friendly expression twitches.

I expect her smile to stiffen into a frown, but instead she hops off the table and ambles over to me, if with a little less energy than her typical pace.

“Have you eaten yet? The croissants are extra good today.”

My mouth opens and closes and opens again. “I— No. I was just going to get breakfast now.”

“Well, come on then. Rollick’s stalking around looking like he’s building so many plans in his head he’ll fall over if he doesn’t get the chance to let them out soon.”

I follow her tentatively over to the buffet spread. Dominic veers over to the other guys, who’ve all gathered around one table.

Zian nods to me, and Andreas shoots me a warm grin, but they seem to recognize that they shouldn’t interrupt.

I didn’t think I was going to see Pearl again. I didn’t think she’d want to see me.

I haven’t prepared for this conversation, but it’s one I know I need to have at least as much as whatever’s coming with our host.

Food ends up on my plate somewhat by random rather than any conscious selection process, because my mind is too busy spinning around what I’m going to say to focus on my options. Pearl grabs herself another croissant and plops into a chair at an otherwise empty table.

I’m not totally sure she wants me to follow, but a day hiding from my screw-ups is long enough.

I carry my plate over and sit down across from her. “I didn’t realize you’d come back.”

She shrugs in her artfully careless way and takes a bite of her croissant. “I like working with Rollick. And you all have been very interesting.”

Interesting isn’t the word I’d have thought she’d use. I hesitate, poking my fork into a sausage. “Is Billy healing okay?”

“Oh, yeah, as soon as we got into the shadow realm, everything started binding itself together just fine. It’s a pretty dreary place, but it’s easier to relax when you’re surrounded by the same stuff you’re made of.”

The reassurance only eases a little of the tension inside me. I force myself to dig into my breakfast, thinking she might bring up any grievances she has, but Pearl chews merrily away, apparently content in my silence.

“I don’t know if he’s going to want to see me again,” I say finally, “so the next time you visit him, if you could tell him how sorry I am. I never meant—I wouldn’t have done it if I’d been totally in control.”

Pearl snorts. “I didn’t think you would have.”

I peer at her, still struggling to gauge her reaction. “Aren’t you upset at me? He’s your friend, and I— It could have been you.”

The succubus hesitates, turning the last bit of croissant between her fingers. She glances at me.

“You think I don’t know how powers can get a grip on you when you haven’t had much practice using them?”

I stare at her. “I—I have no idea.” I’d kind of gotten the impression that shadowkind came into being simply knowing what they could do and how to wield those talents effectively.

Pearl’s gaze slides away from me again. “In one of my early feeds, I had my hand down the guy’s pants before I realized that he was terrified under the lust I’d stirred up.

He didn’t want it at all. We cubi can get glimpses inside people’s heads, you know.

To make sure they’re a good target. The more they’re into it, the better it is.

But I was really hungry, and he was curious at first, and I…

just kind of tuned out the bad signs until I’d practically… ”

Her mouth tightens, and my chest constricts in sympathy. I can imagine how that kind of realization feels all too vividly.

Pearl shakes herself and manages to brighten as she yanks her gaze back to me. “So I’d be an awful hypocrite if I got mad at you for not having perfect control over your scream-y power.”

Even so, I feel the need to make one thing clear. “I’m going to do some training with Rollick, like he’s been pushing for. I want to get as much control as I can.”

“I’m sure he’ll be very happy about that. He does like to get his way.”

Pearl pops the last piece of croissant into her mouth and lets out a pleased hum. Watching her, it’s hard to reconcile the bubbly young woman she looks like so often with the pained regret she expressed just moments ago.

After she swallows, she wags a finger at me.

“It’s everyone, really. I don’t know why, because I’ve never talked to another cubi who has this—although I guess I haven’t met a whole lot of them yet—but after I hook up with a mortal to feed, they always start spilling some deep dark secret they feel awful about.

Maybe they can tell I’m not going to blab to anyone they know, so it’s a safe way to unload. ”

I grimace. “That sounds… unpleasant.”

“Yeah, it kind of kills the mood. I haven’t figured out how to stop it happening. But hearing all those confessions has made it very clear that everybody’s done bad things. I figure what matters is whether they care enough to try to do better afterward.”

She sounds so genuine that more of the guilt congealed inside me disintegrates. I still want to apologize directly to Billy if he’s willing to give me the chance, but maybe I don’t have to feel like a total monster.

Or at least not more of one than the actual monsters.

As if summoned by that thought, Rollick saunters into the dining room and sweeps his gaze over all of us with an imperious air. “Are you semi-mortals fueled up yet? We’ve got decisions to make.”

I gulp down the rest of my breakfast at lightning speed and dart over to join my guys. Rollick stays standing, leaning his hands against the back of an empty chair as he considers us.