Page 203 of Shadowblood Souls: The Complete Series

Twenty-Seven

Riva

T he wind outside is biting, but it fits my mood. I roll my shoulders to pull the hood of my sweatshirt farther forward and keep my head low as I stalk around the villa.

The guys follow me, silent but a concrete presence around me. Their concerned anticipation weighs on my spirits, but not half as much as the news I need to give them.

Around the back of the building, the wind eases. The autumn air there still holds a chill, but one that’s not outright snapping at us.

Part of me wants to find a bench to sit down on so I can hunch in on myself. So I can let go of the need to ensure my legs hold me up while focusing on the conversation.

But if I sit, then I know the guys will gather even closer, tucking themselves against me, and the thought sends a pang of terror through my chest.

I was made by our greatest enemy, to an extent way beyond what any of them could guess. I have the sense of a toxin as potent as the one lacing Jacob’s hidden spines winding through my veins alongside the shadows, one that might somehow seep from my skin and into my guys if I’m not careful.

One that maybe already has.

How are they going to look at me when I tell them? How is it going to shake them up, knowing that their connection to me also ties them to Balthazar in ways they’d never have wanted?

He infiltrated our group of six from my first moment of conception, well before I was even born. He’s been present for every moment of our friendship and the very first glimmers of love.

And there’s nothing I can do to cut him out of me, out of us, not completely. Not any more than I can erase the brutal monstrous power I’ve never wanted.

I turn toward the guys. They watch me, waiting, standing in a close semi-circle.

I can tell from the sway in their stances that they’d all like to draw in around me and wrap me up in love and reassurance, but they must be able to tell from my own tensed posture that I can’t tolerate any attempt at comfort right now.

Not when they don’t even know what they’d be reassuring me about.

Jacob motions to me with a twitch of his chin, his jaw clenched. “What’s going on, Wildcat?”

The blaze in his bright blue eyes says, Let me at whatever’s bothering you so I can pulverize it.

But he can’t. Not with this.

I open my mouth and then close it again to swallow through the tightness of my throat. For a little while, as I forced myself to put together an early breakfast and then drifted through the villa while the guys ate theirs, I entertained the thought that maybe I didn’t have to tell them.

Maybe it would be better for them if I didn’t, if they never had to wrap their heads around the revelation like I’ve needed to. Maybe it wouldn’t even be safe to try, when no matter what steps I try to take to conceal the conversation, our captor will realize I’m telling them.

Those are just excuses to protect myself from the fallout, though.

Balthazar has to know that I’ll reveal this secret. He wouldn’t have told me anything he wasn’t perfectly fine getting passed on to the guys one way or another. He never even warned me not to tell them.

He might like the idea of their reactions to me shifting with the new knowledge. I’m not sure what exactly he was trying to accomplish by provoking Jacob a couple of days ago, but he definitely wasn’t looking to encourage group harmony.

And hiding things from each other has never helped us in the long run. I’m not a great actor—the guys will be able to tell something’s off. I can’t hide my emotions from Griffin.

No, keeping this to myself and leaving them to worry and wonder will cause more tensions than spilling the beans.

I just wish I knew how we’ll pick up the pieces after I shatter their idea of who I am. I still haven’t figured how to put my own sense of self back together.

I wet my lips and tuck my arms around my chest in an anxious embrace. “Balthazar called me to the drawing room to talk to me this morning.”

Zian frowns. “He has a job he wants you to do alone?”

“No. Not exactly.”

A hysterical bubble of laughter forms behind my clavicle. In some ways it’s both not a job at all and the most immense possible job our captor could ever have laid on my shoulders.

I give myself a squeeze and yank my focus back to the conversation. “We already realized that he’s part of the founding families. The third one—I guess it was Engel and the Clancys and the Balthazars.”

He had said that his parents—my grandparents —fought the shadowkind too.

Andreas nods. His mind goes to the same place mine first did. “Is he still working with the guardians after all?”

I shake my head. “Nothing like that. He thinks they’re useless, ineffective. He still wants the same things, but he figures he can only eliminate the shadowkind by taking bigger steps, stuff they’d never have agreed to.”

Dominic frowns. “All of the things he’s had us doing, it’s somehow working toward destroying shadowkind beings?”

“Yeah. In a roundabout but incredibly ambitious way.” A little of that laugh escapes me, dry and raw. “He figures he’s going to take control of the whole world, or the important parts anyway, and force all kinds of countries into going to war with the ‘monsters.’”

Jacob lets out a sound that’s both scoff and curse. “He’s even crazier than we thought.”

Griffin has kept quiet until now, observing me. He takes an even gentler tone than usual. “That isn’t what you’re really upset about, though.”

“No.” My gaze drops to the ground. To my frustration, tears burn behind my eyes, threatening to spill over.

“We know that we’re part human as well as part shadowkind,” I force myself to say.

“Obviously the human parts came from somewhere. Well, Balthazar says that for me, he swapped out whatever genetic material Engel was going to use for his and his wife’s.

They wanted another kid, and they couldn’t get one otherwise. I’m his daughter.”

The last sentence comes out strained, and then my throat closes up completely. There’ve been times before when admitting something I’ve held in felt like a release, but not this. Saying the words out loud only makes the weight in my gut expand until it’s almost suffocating.

It’s Dominic who speaks first, firm and calm in the startled silence. “You’re not. Not really. It’d take more than donating genes to be an actual parent.”

I blink hard. “But he still—whatever he is, some of that is in me too. Look at how much our monstrous sides dictate who we are and what we do!”

I hug myself tighter and drag my eyes up to meet their gazes again. That’s the real problem, isn’t it?

I don’t have a monstrous side and a human side like they all do. Even my human side is horrifying.

Andreas steps forward and slides his arms around me, echoing my private embrace. “You’re still who you’ve been the whole time, Tink. It doesn’t change you.”

It makes me rethink the person I’ve been, though. Would I have hurt Billy so easily if I had no biological heritage of hating shadowkind? Would I have found it easier to trust Rollick and ignore the guardians’ claims?

How can I be sure that I’m really making the best choices for any of us when I have such a direct connection to the man who wants to manipulate and kill everything he decides is monstrous?

And even if my heritage hasn’t had any impact on me, which seems unlikely, would he have dragged us all into his plans if he hadn’t specifically wanted me? For all I know, we could have made our escape from Clancy and lived in some kind of freedom if it wasn’t for this blood tie I never knew about.

Jacob shifts on his feet, his expression turned even more ominous. “Why did he tell you now? What does he want from you?”

There’d be no good in hiding that aspect either. “He was hoping I’d join the family business. Take his side instead of resisting.”

Jake lets out a snort, and Andreas strokes a comforting hand up and down my arm.

Zian’s forehead furrows. “What did you say?”

“No fucking way.” I grimace. “But maybe I shouldn’t have.”

I’ve been wondering about that since I cooled down enough to think clearly, although I can’t say everything I mean out loud. What would have happened if I’d played along and pretended to accept Balthazar’s offer?

Would I have been able to convince him I meant it? Would he have given me the chance to meet him in person? To get access to areas of the villa I could have used to help us?

It’s probably too late to change my tune now. Not enough that he’d trust me.

But then, I find it hard to believe that he’d ever trust me all that much no matter how I’d reacted in the moment. Even if I’m his daughter, as far as he’s concerned I’m still also a monster.

Jacob raises his chin. “That asshole is fucked up. I don’t care if he hears me saying it—it’s true.”

“Do we even know if he was telling the truth about you being his daughter?” Dominic asks.

“He was.” I can say that with total confidence, even though I don’t have concrete proof. The flickers of hope I saw in Balthazar as he worked up to telling me, his anger when I rejected him… None of his reactions felt like the way he’s laid out his plans or responded to our defiance before.

This was personal. He honestly believes I’m his daughter, in any case, and surely he would know.

Griffin sets his hand on my shoulder. “Drey is right. It doesn’t change who you are—or anything else. Not if you don’t want it to.”

I wish it felt like I had that much of a choice in the matter.

Zian seems to gather himself, a look of protective determination coming over his face. “Let’s go inside where it’s warmer and just… hang out together. Let us look after you while you’re getting used to the idea. It definitely doesn’t change anything about how we feel about you.”

“Not at all,” Andreas murmurs, and kisses my temple.

An ache fills my heart. I want to go along with them, to curl up within their warmth as if it can wash away everything else in the world.

But is that the right move? How will my next actions affect what Balthazar does to me—and the guys I love—after?

Can I trust any choices I make?

I rub my forehead, grappling with my conflicted thoughts—and Zian’s head jerks around. He stares off toward the side garden, knitting his brow.

I tense automatically. “What?”

“I…” He pauses, his lips pressing flat as if he’s realized he shouldn’t say whatever he was about to. “It’s nothing. I just started thinking it might be good to get a little more fresh air and exercise first.”

It’s not the best excuse ever, which only makes me more convinced that something else is going on. When he tips his head to beckon us, we all follow him.

Andreas stays next to me, letting one arm drop to sling around my waist. Jacob falls into step at my other side with a familiar murderous air.

I think it’d probably be best for everyone if Balthazar’s employees avoid making any appearances while he’s in this mood.

Zian ambles across the lawn and between the hedges and planters. By the time we’re halfway to our destination, I hear it too—a faintly cajoling voice like the one that drew me in a couple of days ago.

“Shadowbloods, over here.”

Zian comes to a stop by the outer wall. After resting his hands on it for a few moments as if he’s taking in the view, he bends to scoop up a rock from the ground.

It’s smooth like the one I found before, but gray rather than black with a speckling of mica. I guess the exact type of stone doesn’t matter for Rollick’s purposes.

Zee looks down at it with a thoughtful expression and then raises his eyebrows at us. I shake my head—as soon as he picked it up, I couldn’t hear anything from it.

“This should be okay,” he says, and passes it to me.

The second my fingers close around the warmed surface, Rollick’s voice drifts into my senses. He told me before that the magic would make the message only audible to beings with shadowkind essence. Apparently we have to be touching the source too.

“Little banshee and friends,” he says in greeting.

“We want you out of there fast, but we’re still working out our best approach.

Your new keeper built his fortress well.

If you know anything that could help us get access, let us know.

Otherwise we may have to resort to simply burning everything up there to the ground…

and I’m sure you’d rather we didn’t risk barbequing any of you shadowbloods in the process.

Tap the stone five times in a row, and it’ll absorb whatever you say after.

Then toss it over the wall. We’ll find it. I’ll wait.”

When his voice fades, I pass the stone to Andreas so he can listen next. As the guys take the message in one by one, my thoughts spin even faster.

Your new keeper has built his fortress well… help us get access. Rollick’s people must have figured out about the protective metals built into the mountainside like Matteo mentioned.

Matteo also said there was some route shadowkind could use, but Balthazar controls that. And we have no idea what it is. What good will the information do our rescuers?

How the hell does he think they can burn everything down if they can’t even get up here? I don’t know how we could avoid a blaze so huge they could reach us with it from a distance.

Escape lies just beyond that wall… and I have no idea how we’ll ever pull it off. We don’t have an answer for Rollick yet, that’s for sure.

Even if I could come up with a plan, should we trust anything that comes from my mind?

The mind of our captor’s daughter.