Page 186 of Shadowblood Souls: The Complete Series

Sixteen

Riva

T he rattle of the tracks shakes my nerves, jostling free memories I’d rather not dwell on. In the back of my mind, a different train roars toward me in the night.

I’m not sure the echo of that old hopelessness is the worst of the memories. Other fragments rise up of the early days on the run with my guys before they started to trust me again, when every word I spoke and action I made was met with wary glances or hostile remarks.

We’re stowed away in a cargo car just like some of those times, crouched in the darkness between stacks of crates. Across from me, barely visible in the dim light that flickers through the partly open doorway, Jacob’s mouth is set in a tight line.

Is he remembering those past journeys too?

Andreas has hunkered down next to me. He takes my hand in his and runs his fingers lightly over my knuckles.

The affectionate gesture adds a jab of pain to the turmoil that’s been stewing inside me since Balthazar offered his deal. There’s so much I need to say, but I’m afraid if I start, it’ll all spill out too fast, too awkwardly.

Griffin watches us from where he’s leaning against a crate near the door. He’s got to sense the roaring whirl of emotion I’m holding in, but he hasn’t said anything about it.

He wouldn’t. He’s always given me the space to decide how much I want to say and when.

Zian paces from one end of the car to the other, the floor creaking under his massive frame. “Should we get closer and scope things out? We don’t even know exactly what we’re dealing with yet.”

Jacob raises his head. “Balthazar seemed pretty sure about how well the secure car will be guarded. I don’t think we should risk getting close until it’s almost time to act.”

Andreas leans forward to peer through the gap at the landscape whipping by outside. We’re passing a stretch of warehouses now, security lamps washing over the tracks with a faint yellow glow.

“A little ways past this city, we should go by that smaller town,” he says. “It’s about a half hour after that when we’ll be in the ideal position to reach our pick-up vehicle.”

I drag all my attention to the task in front of us. “A half an hour sounds like a good amount of time to check things out and then take action. Once we’re on the attack, we’ll need to move quickly.”

Jake nods. “After the town, we move. We only need to go a few cars ahead. We can get there pretty quickly.”

As long as we’re not spotted beforehand. As long as we don’t stumble on any protective measures we aren’t prepared for.

Balthazar wasn’t sure all of us would make it back alive.

The last of the buildings on the fringes of the city give way to open fields. It’s a matter of minutes before we reach the town now.

If I’m going to say something, it has to be soon.

I close my eyes and reach through the chaos inside me to the one feeling that’s kept me steady over the past couple of days. The thrum of love, swelling to overwhelm the fear and anger when I picture Dominic’s eyes opening, his quiet smile curving his lips.

We’re going to make it back to him—all of us. We’re going to bring Balthazar what he wants and see our friend restored to life.

And the guys around me need to know how true that is too.

I look around the train car again, gathering myself. I don’t think I really move, but Zian pauses in his pacing as if he’s sensed that something’s coming.

I had some idea of making a carefully crafted speech, but when my lips part, the first thing that tumbles out is simply, “I’m sorry.”

Drey grips my hand and tugs it closer to him. Griffin lifts his head with thoughtful intensity.

Jacob’s frown cuts through the shadows. “Sorry? What the hell do you have to be sorry about?”

My head droops, but I keep my shoulders squared. “I—I know I’ve gone a bit off the rails since Balthazar grabbed us. It was so hard to see how we could ever be happy again, and I started shutting down, but I hated that too, and I just…”

I don’t know how to go on. But it turns out I don’t need to.

Andreas wraps his arms right around me. Jacob pushes himself away from the crates and kneels by my side, touching my cheek.

When I meet Jake’s gaze, his eyes are shimmering with anguished passion. “It’s okay, Wildcat. I told you before that you don’t need to be strong all the time, didn’t I? None of us expects you to take all the crap without ever wobbling.”

My throat chokes up. “But I—I haven’t been careful enough. I took risks I shouldn’t have because it was hard to care. What if Balthazar had decided to go ahead and kill Dominic?”

“He didn’t,” Griffin says softly. “And you don’t know if he’d have made us this deal if he hadn’t realized you weren’t going to follow his orders perfectly every time, just because he said so.”

Zian lets out a strained grunt and takes a few steps toward me. He stops just behind Jacob, his expression taut. “I don’t know how to make any of this better either, Riva. But we are still in it together. We’re right here with you, no matter what.”

Andreas hugs me and presses a brief kiss to my cheek. “Always. Even when it’s hard. Even if you stumble.”

Their devotion encircles me just as Drey’s embrace has, melting the edges off all the prickly emotions still churning in my chest. My next breath comes a little easier.

I tuck my hand around Andreas’s forearm and reach to grasp Jacob’s arm as well. My gaze lifts from them to the other two guys standing over me. “We have to finish this job, get what he wants, and make it back. For us. For Dominic.”

“We can,” Andreas says firmly. “Because we’re in it together. No one’s ever managed to stop us for long.”

He means not just the guards who’ll stand in our way on this mission but Balthazar as well, though we all know better than to speak our hopes of rebellion that blatantly. I inhale deeply and absorb the warmth of my men’s love down to my bones.

Zian manages a small smile. “We’ve even stolen a laptop before. This is just a hard drive. We’ve got practice.”

I sputter a laugh. “The laptop wasn’t behind a gazillion locks with very living guards standing between us and it—ones we’re not supposed to kill.”

Jacob shrugs. “There are plenty of ways to disable people without murdering them. Balthazar never said we had to leave them happy .”

The corner of my mouth ticks upward. It’s true—our keeper even gave us direct permission to get “creative.”

I’m not sure why Balthazar is against outright killing the guards, but I can’t say I mind. We have no idea whether they’ve done anything worse than get in the way of a man who’s clearly a sadistic psychopath.

It’s pretty obvious that we aren’t on the side of justice at the moment.

“We shouldn’t hurt them too badly,” I point out.

Griffin nods. “Nothing worse than necessary to get the job done. I’ll be placating them as well as I can the whole time.”

“I know.” I lean into Andreas’s chest for one more fleeting moment and then push to my feet to approach the door.

Tall grass sways in the fields beyond the tracks. When I crane my neck, I can make out the lights of civilization up ahead.

I turn back to the guys. “The town’s in sight. It’s almost time.”

I slide the door mostly closed to hide our presence. The guys gather around me, all of us peeking through the narrow gap as the train sways through a stretch of industrial buildings, apartment complexes, houses, and then more factories.

By the time the last of the structures falls away behind us, leaving only forest outside the window, my pulse is thumping at a brisk rhythm. I focus on that beat and the love that’s keeping me anchored.

“Let’s move.”

This time, we all pull on thin masks—even Andreas, in case he needs to blink back into visibility in front of our adversaries.

We already identified the secure car in the line of more typical freight cars before we got on the train. When we ease out into the night, one after the other, and haul ourselves onto the top of ours, I can see the darker, flatter armored surface three cars up.

We don’t know exactly how much manpower is stationed around and inside it, though. Or how many other precautions the owners of the apparently very valuable hard drive may have taken against theft.

A twinge of curiosity tugs at me—why does Balthazar want the contents of this drive so much anyway?—but I can’t jeopardize the job and Dominic’s recovery with a search for answers.

We slink along the top of the car and spring from ours to the next roof. It’s an easy jump for me and Zian. Zee holds out his arms to help catch the others and make sure they don’t lose their balance.

We repeat the process at the next car, but stay at the far end. Griffin cocks his head, his eyes going distant as he feels out the additional human presence nearby.

“They’re all in pretty similar moods,” he says after a moment. “A little bored, but still alert and determined to see through their jobs. It’s hard to distinguish all of them, but I think there are six. I can’t tell you exactly where.”

Jacob claps his brother on the shoulder. “That’s plenty. Zian, you can figure out more.”

Zee crouches down and creeps toward the secure car on all fours, staying low so his form blends into the shadowed roof. He narrows his eyes at the back wall.

There’s no door or window there, but Zian’s vision can pierce right through when he exerts his power. He stares at it for several seconds and then crawls back to us.

“There are some inner walls too,” he says.

“It was hard to see through all of them. It looks like there’s an outer area and then a smaller room inside the car that’s secure too.

Four men in the outer area: two right by the door on the side of the car and the other two spread out a little more by the edges. Two more inside the smaller room.”

I make a face. “Armed?”

He nods. “Semi-automatic rifles. We don’t want to be caught in that fire.”

Not without Dominic to set us right again.