Page 89 of Serpent In White

“You were the one who told me Imust not squanderthe Empyrean. Remember that?” Abdiel lifts his brow at my brother, and I have to suppress my smirk.

I can’t believe he’s already giving Darian the business like this. It should make me jealous, but I actually happen to think the kid is pretty adorable, and I’ve always enjoyed watching my brother squirm.

“That’s true, I did say that,” Darian rumbles, approaching us slowly. “But I didn’t know your rebirth would include journeying up a dangerous mountain for days by yourself.”

“I won’t be by myself,” Abdiel counters. “I’ll have Mother.” I can see the grin trying to pull at Darian’s lips, and it makes me want to smile, too. We both hide it. “Plus, the Tribe is always around, aren’t they?”

Abdiel looks to me, and Darian raises a brow in my direction.

“They don’t typically go up farther than the lab, unless they have to.” I breathe out a sigh. “Look, little mouse, I won’t tell you not to go because I understand why something like this is important. But I will tell you that the mountainisdangerous. We’re not just saying it to stifle you. Your parents’ deaths are a mystery for a reason.”

Abdiel looks between Darian and me. “But you can’t tell me exactly what’s up there, can you?”

“It’s… not of this earth,” Darian murmurs.

A new, different chill sheets my flesh.

Abdiel blinks over wide, green eyes, as vibrant as the trees outside. The color he possesses is beautiful and bright. I’m not sure what I would do if something were to happen to him.

That said, I live on that mountain. Not all the way up, of course, because I’m not a total psycho. But I’ve seen things up there. Things no one else on the Expanse has seen and lived to talk about. Not even Darian.

“I have to do it.” Abdiel shrugs on a strong exhale, his eyes staying with my brother’s. “It’s my one request.”

Darian stares at him for a long time, so long that it appears he’s staring at both of us. It’s strange, this little threesome we’ve entered into. I don’t know what to make of it, maybe because it’s still so new. Or maybe because I know eventually I’ll need to walk away…

At last, Darian hums and rubs his eyes with his fingers. “If you must go, at least wait until after the solstice festival. We’ll be requiring your culinary services. Plus, I… I need you here. Please.”

Darian is distraught. I hate seeing him this way, and for the first time, it’s not my doing. I guess I should be pleased by that fact, but I’m not.

“Wait… what?” Abdiel’s head shakes. Darian grins. “You mean… I get to cook? For the festival??”

“As Ryle’s sous chef. But yes.” Darian steps up to Abdiel, brushing dirty blonde curls with his fingers. “Collectively we all agreed your talent needs to be showcased.”

Abdiel smirks. “Really? It was a collective decision?”

“Fully.” Darian’s lips curve, and Abdiel lets out an elated chuckle.

He kisses Darian, hungrily, yet apparently lovingly tender. It gives my bones an ache.

I look away until I feel something… A hand on my hand.

Abdiel’s fingers graze over mine as he kisses my brother, and suddenly, I can’t breathe. I’m gasping for air, but there isn’t enough in the room.

He wants me to be with them…

Moving my hand away, I stalk toward the door.

If I can’t be with Darian, what on earth would lead me to believe I could be with both of them? It can’t work, and I’m a fucking idiot for hooking up with Abdiel in the first place. Now I’ve dug myself into a goddamn pit, and it’ll take all of my stored-up self-loathing and misery to get out.

“I should go,” I mumble, going for the door. “Glad I could be of assistance.”

I hear them both say my name, but it’s too late. I can’t stay.

I just fucking can’t.

Leaving the Den quickly, I storm off into the night, scolding myself all the way. My ATV is where I left it in the garage, and I hop on, starting it up and pulling away. I drive slowly past Domestic housing, then Regnum housing, heading toward my home. The mountain.

Once I get to the farm, I can speed up, and I rip it past the crop fields, then up to the Field of Influence. My guards on patrol nod at me as I zip by, maneuvering the trails I know like the back of my hand, leading through the Field and up to the lab.