Page 146 of Serpent In White

Stalking away, into the en suite, I immediately turn on the shower. I feel for the water to get warm and then hop in, not waiting for Darian. I know he’s there, though. I’m not facing the doorway to his bedroom, but I can tell he’s standing there staring at me. Ifeelhim.

Closing my eyes, I let the water run over my tired mind, my aching muscles. I just lost my virginity. I should be in bed with him, loving him. Instead, I’m in the shower, all torn up.

I hear Darian approach, then I feel him step into the large shower stall behind me, circling my waist with his big arms. He does so slowly, hesitantly, as if he’s not sure I’ll want him. As if he’s afraid I’ll push him away.

It breaks my heart in half.

I spin in his arms and hug onto his waist, so hard that his back bumps against the wall of the shower. Burying my face in his neck, I let his warm, wet flesh comfort me. It takes him a second, but he accepts my embrace, fingers running up and down my back. He clutches my head in his hand, stroking my wet hair.

Tears slip from my eyes, masked by the running water, soaking into his skin while he holds me, and our hearts beat in truth, together.

Mornings in the forest are especially beautiful.

I’ve never really been a morning person. I have a tendency to resemble an ogre who lives underneath a bridge, and it takes me a solid hour to maneuver myself back into a functioning human being.

Out here, however, I wake up early. Well,everyonewakes up early here. You can hear people up and mulling about as early as four-thirty. Which makes sense, since a lot of them are farmers, fishermen—fisherpeopleactually, a few women—carpenters, and such. They have to be up early.

And I’ve seemingly caught the bug. I enjoy being up to watch the sun rise over the lake. Sipping a nice cup of coffee and feeling the breeze brush my skin, before it gets too hot. The weather has been exceptional lately, but the temperature at sunrise in the summer is now my favorite.

It’s seven-fifteen, and I just finished my coffee. I haven’t seen Abdiel yet. I was hoping to catch him, to apologize for our disagreement last night. I’m guessing he spent the night with theHead Priest…

It’s not that I’m salty, or jealous or anything, though it probably seems the opposite. I’m genuinely just concerned for Abdiel. In the short time I’ve known him, I’ve come to realize how sweet he is. It’s basically unheard of, for someone to be that damn kind. He’s a generous, accepting soul, with loyalty in his marrow. People like that are hard to come by in regular society, let alone guys my age.

There’s no other way to say it. Abdiel Harmony is a unicorn.

And the last thing I would want to see, now that I feel so personally attached to him, is someone abusing his never-ending trust. Especially someone he’s madly in love with.

Darian. I want to like the guy as much as everyone else does, but it’s hard. He checks off so many narcissistic asshole boxes.

Older. Beautiful, almost unbelievably so. Strong, capable. A leader, a manipulator. Someone who looks at you like he can hear every thought happening in your head.

That part isn’t specific to him. Abdiel does that too, and so does Darian’s creepy brother, Drake.

Drake is another interesting piece of the puzzle of this cult I would love to figure out. That’s why I have a plan for this morning…

I’m going back to that lab. I want to see him again. I need to.

The first time I set eyes on him, he was painstakingly familiar to me for some reason. It didn’t take me long to remember why…

I saw a vision of him, when Abdiel and I were in that clearing. Before I almost tried to off myself, completely unintentionally.

Now, I’m not sure what that means. Why out of all the people in the world, I would have seen his face, his bizarre snake eyes, in my mind at such a poignant moment. Especially since I’d never met him before.

My brain was showing me his face… Or whatever forces that live on the mountain were.But why?

When I saw him, he was just standing there, exactly where we were in the clearing. He was looking, staring, right at us. Right atme. And he was crying red tears.

It’s strange, but when I was talking with him yesterday, I got the sense that he was trying to figure me out as much as I was trying with him. Only he was doing a much better job of it. He has this way about him, this air as if he can see into your soul. Like he can read what’s happening in your mind, and he’ll have no qualms about using it to his advantage. It spooked me. I fear he’ll be able to see what I saw when I was up on that mountain… and that it’ll upset him.

But even so, I have to go back to him, back to his lab. I need more answers.

It’s not that I’magainstthis place. In fact, the opposite is true. I think it’s every bit the heaven on Earth Abdiel had described when we met. But the thing is, I’ve never fit into any societal molds outside of this cult, and the same seems to be happening in here.

People don’t trust me. It’s apparent when I speak to them. Darian doesn’t, and I think they’re all so brainwashed by him that his skepticism of me is trickling down to his people. Of course, I have Abdiel, when I’m not pissing him off by talking shit about his man. And his adoptive parents, Gina and Paul are just as sweet, if not still wary of me, since no one knows me well at all. But they haven’t tried.

The only people I’ve gotten along with even a little are two of Darian’s wives, Emithel and Gem. They’re the youngest of his five beards, though they’re all at least ten years younger than him. Another red flag in my humble opinion, but what the hell do I know?

They’re sweet girls. Actually, speaking of them, I see Emithel coming outside now, her jet-black bob of hair shifting just above her shoulders as she walks over, rocking worn Chucks and a hoodie with some logo on it for a band I’ve never heard of. She’s definitely the quietest of all Darian’s wives. She rarely speaks, a natural observer if I’ve ever seen one. I recognize it because I’m the same way.