Page 158 of Serpent In White

My fingers rake through my hair, and I pull hard, until it stings.

I took his virginity last night. It was an awakening for my soul, having him inside me. His body in mine and his breath in my lungs, filling me with every beautiful bit of his perfect.

I never knew how much I needed something until Abdiel Harmony stumbled into my bed.

But I ruined it. I blundered our time with the truth, and while he needed to hear it, I just wish I could’ve hung onto that bliss for a little while longer. Just a few more minutes of blind love, before I decimated it all.

I’m a disaster.

It’s just after dinner. Abdiel was nowhere to be found tonight, bringing my inner turmoil to the surface. Everyone’s been watching me, wondering what’s up. Speculating.

They can tell something is off with me, and I’m too exhausted, too strained to hide.

Abdiel worked a morning shift, then he took off before I could attempt speaking with him. I haven’t seen him since he fell asleep by my side with the pale light of dawn streaming in through my bedroom windows.

Ineedto talk to him. I just need him to understand that I don’t want to hurt him.

I need him to know that I love him, too.

And I know where he’ll be so I can try…

It’s time for reflection. Night is upon us, and I decide to walk, with the wives, to the fire pit. Abdiel is set to sing tonight. Everyone’s been looking forward to it.

Usually, he sings once a week or so, but he hasn’t done it in a few weeks. I can’t bear to think it’s because I’ve been distracting him from the things he loves, but I also can’t deny my own insecurities. I’m fucking the kid up, and that’s the last thing I want.

I want him to prosper. I want him to soar…

We get to the fire, and it’s a packed house. Hundreds of my family are gathered around, talking, conversing, laughing together. It’s the first time in a while that all five of my wives are here, too. It’s a big night.

I just can’t wait to see him… To hear his exquisite voice.

I pray he’ll give me another chance. That this isn’t over before it even began.

The noise of the crowd dies down, and my eyes shift all around, searching for Abdiel. When I spot him, my heart tries to jump right out of my chest. He looks gorgeous, if not slightly tired. His grin is warier than usual, and I hear him thinking about me. His thoughts are on me before his eyes are. It gives me some peace, to know he’s thinking of me, even in our times of trouble.

He sits on a bench, by Jordan’s side. Jordan tunes his acoustic guitar while Abdiel gazes around, smiling and waving at his family. There are so many people here, it’s difficult to see over the crowd. But the wives and I are in our usual seats, off to the side.

And then his eyes find mine.

He blinks, and I hear him.Hi…

Hi, baby,I bite my lip.

A flush rises to his cheeks, but he looks away, forehead lined in apprehension. I physicallyloathemyself for doing this to him. I never meant for any of it to happen this way.

It’s not like I sought him out knowing he was my former lover’s son. It just happened, and I don’t regret it.

Because I’m in love with him.

I know Abdiel hears my thoughts, but he’s forcing himself not to look at me. Jordan strums the beginning chords of their song, and immediately, everyone cheers.

It’s a song I know well. A song Drake and I used to listen to when we first ran away…

Nutshellby Alice in Chains.

A sad song, still sung so beautifully by the blonde boy with the evergreen eyes. He’s breathtaking to look at, and even more so to listen to. I’m mesmerized as I watch him, his harmonies floating through the air, draping over us all like a protective sheet of serenity.

Out the corner of my eye, I see movement and my head turns to find Drake, off in the woods, a few feet from where we’re all gathered. He’s wearing his white linens, leaning up on a tree, staring directly my way. My eyes plead with him to come to me, but of course, he doesn’t.