Page 171 of Serpent In White

This is my purpose…

We’re all connected. Darian and me… Abdiel to us… Then the girl. She fits into the puzzle, I know she does. I’m reluctant, because after the shit she pulled, it feels like a betrayal to Darian.

That said, I know she’s remorseful. I could feel it, the moment I stepped into the cell last night. Even before, in the lounge. She regrets what she did.

She was just confused. She didn’t understand her reason for being here. The others might not understand it, but Darian and I do. We remember what it’s like for Outsiders when they first arrive. We dealt with it for years.

Skepticism, suspicion. Doubt.

Still, it’s not my place to give her a pass. Darian has to do that himself. They need to work out whatever bad blood is between them. For me, it’s a bit more complicated.

She reminds me of him.

When we were younger, back in Michigan. Before the night we left…

And that’s what she’s been carrying this whole time. I feel it. It sits heavy on my chest.

I don’t know the girl at all, but I want to help her as if I do. Like it’s my purpose.

A blood-curdling scream jolts me out of my contemplations and without thinking, I jump, stumbling to my feet to an almost dust-scattering degree, darting back inside. Opening the trapdoor, I climb down the steps to another deafening wail of pain and devastation.

My heart is thumping hard as I race to the cell at the end, finding the girl on her side, arms covering her head while she thrashes about. Eyes wide, I fumble the keys out of my pocket, unlocking the cell door and whipping it open. I burst inside and fall to the ground by her side, looking over her small, fragile frame, where she wriggles on the ground, tears staining her flushed cheeks, eyes squeezing shut in her state of anguish.

I’m not sure what to do. I’m powerless, impotent and confused. Reaching out, I try to brush hair away from her face, but an arm surges out, whacking me in the gut.

“Sonofa—” I grunt, gripping my stomach, my jaw clenching in irritation. But then my muscles ease, because it was clearly an accident.

“No… no no no, please…” she whimpers and whines, digging her fingers into the cement floor. “Please stop!”

Blinking, I remember something…

Darian used to have nightmares.Not often, but every once in a while, when we first moved out here, he’d wake me up in our tent or our trailer, squirming all around, shouting in tears.

And then it stopped… But not because it actually stopped. Because I stopped sharing a bed with him.

For all I know, he could still have them.

A sickening feeling slithers through my chest, my hands fisting at my sides. I’m the worst.Worsethan that…

I’m an abomination. A plague. How he even still loves me is beyond all reasoning.

Making an impromptu decision I know I’ll probably regret later, I grab the girl in my arms, lifting her onto my lap. She’s still wiggling around like a worm on a hook, but I simply clutch her tighter, stroking her hair with my fingers. It’s as soft as pure cotton…

My fingertips brush it away from her forehead and temples, where it’s matted with sweat from her fear and strenuous movements. Sitting back, I prop against the nearest wall, and just hold her. I fasten her to my chest while she whimpers, her sobs eventually turning to easy mewls. She really is like a stray kitten…

The thought makes me grin. And then it falls away, when I remember where I am. In a cell, where she’s our prisoner, because I don’t know her at all, and she doesn’t know us.

Yet, maybe Idoknow her… It certainly feels like I do. Because right now, here in this moment, I’m holding my brother. Comforting him, easing his pain as best I can.

Maybe the evil can be good sometimes…

Something tickling my throat wakes me up.

My eyes flutter open, then dart around, confusion holding me, but only for a moment until I remember what happened.Fuck…

I came in to comfort the girl during her nightmare, and I must have passed out.When has that ever happened??

She’s still in my arms, and when I drop my chin to look at her, I find her gazing up at me. Her eyes are traced with sleep, but still so bright; a gleaming teal unlike almost anything I’ve seen in nature. It’s sort of mesmerizing, but I quickly push the thought away when I remember she can hear me.