Page 87 of Search My Soul (Taylor Family Saga #3)

I hated the idea of her moving on with another man, but it would be selfish of me to try and stop her from being happy when I’m the one who messed things up.

My nana used to say that if you loved something, you let it go, and if it's meant to be, it will find you again. Juicy deserved a man who would love her wholeheartedly and never make her cry. I thought I was the one who would do those things, but I hadn’t lived up to the man I told her I would be.

I couldn’t imagine there was a man out there better for her than me, but if that were the case, then I needed to get my shit together to become that man for her.

Juicy knew me better than to ever think I would sit back and watch another man love her.

I would let her make it for now, but when the time came, I was coming back for what was mine.

I was a selfish ass nigga, and she was well aware of that.

When I turned to head back inside, I noticed DJ’s Lambo in the parking lot.

I called in a favor from one of my employees and sent them some money for their trouble.

Juicy would probably be upset with me, but I was okay with that. I needed her to know this wasn’t over.

“What the hell are you smiling about? I know that look in your eyes, so tell us what happened.” Duke pressed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrugged, then flagged the waitress over for another drink.

“What did she say? She came back before you, but I couldn’t see the expression on her face.

She and ol’ boy seem like they are into each other.

What’s up with that?” he inquired. I couldn’t even bring myself to look back over there.

Even though I was in the wrong, the idea of him touching her made me want to kill him.

DJ and I have been cool for years, but I wouldn’t necessarily consider us friends.

I was closer to some of his cousins, so we hung out by default.

“She told me they were in a relationship. She also read me my rights about the way I handled things after the Remi shit went down and after she got shot. I feel like a fuckboy, and I don’t even know what to do.

I’ve never been the type to run from shit, but I really dropped the ball.

She said we could work on being friends, but I don’t know if I can do that. ”

“You already know you are my brother for life, but I’ve never been the type to sugarcoat shit. You fucked up, and to be honest, I don’t know if this is something you can come back from.” My nostrils flared as Murk attempted to reason with me.

“Naw, hear me out. You don’t accept disrespect or betrayal from anyone, so you can’t be upset that she isn’t ready to forgive you.

I’m not saying you’re completely wrong, because had I been in your shoes, I likely would have made similar mistakes.

The fact that she still wants you in her life means she still loves you.

You might not be able to get her back right now, but it’s an opening.

Work on the friendship and then see where things go. ”

Everything he said was true, and it fucked me up inside. I’ve done a lot of dumb shit over the years, but even I could acknowledge that I reached my limits. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would never forgive someone for trying to kill me.

“Fuck. This shit is crazy as hell. I’ve never dealt with a situation like this before.

I don’t even know what to say because, for once in my life, I don’t have a plan.

How the fuck did we even get here?” Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on the table.

Poppa Meech used to lecture us about controlling our emotions in all areas of life.

He said that to make the best decisions, you must remove emotions from a situation so that you can use your cognitive thinking.

I never wanted to hear any of that shit though.

In my mind, if my emotions were involved, then it was for a good reason.

“A part of me wants to walk away from her for good and let her move on in peace. Then there’s the other part of me.

The one that never knew what it felt like to be in love until I met her.

That shit doesn’t go away overnight, and I don’t know what to do with my feelings.

A simple apology won’t make up for the damage I caused, but my mistakes don’t erase the love we both have for one another. ”

“For now, I think the best thing for you to do is to focus on the things you can control. Your businesses and the Taylor Gang. You still have your little situation with ol’ girl, so maybe this break is necessary for both of you. If it’s meant to be, then it will be.” Duke chimed in.

“I agree with the fellas. You’ve been on a rampage lately, and I can tell you still aren’t a hundred percent right in the head.

You’ve been dropping bodies like flies, and I’m surprised Pure hasn’t called an emergency team meeting to cuss y’all out.

” Huncho made a good point because I’ve been making the city bleed for months.

“He hasn’t said shit because he’s been right there next to me. After I killed Emilio, we damn near wiped out everybody in Emilio’s bloodline, plus a few of his old soldiers. I even had to drop a few bodies internationally. This shit has been wild.”

“What is Salvador saying about this?” he inquired.

“He just hit Pure up for a meeting. He wants us to call a truce because things are getting out of hand.”

“Salvador wants a truce? Damn, you must have really been fucking shit up.”

“I’ll admit that I may have taken things too far, but they were crazy to think I wouldn’t avenge my son’s death. Emilio thought he could throw his weight around in order to get me to fall in line, and now his ass is somewhere in hell with his bitch ass son.

“Salvador only wants to call a truce because he was losing out on money. Taylor Gang generated more revenue than any other factor within his organization. Not to mention, some of the other members were afraid after I went to Colombia and blew up three of Emilio’s fields, where he harvested coca leaves for the production of his cocaine.

Everybody acted as if I was overreacting when I killed Remi, so now they all gotta feel me. ”

“You’re a fool for that shit, but that’s dope as hell. I would have done the same shit. Especially behind my woman and my seed. Behind Puma and Lynx, I’m burning everything down.”

“Damn right. Patience and my ladybug don’t even understand how far I’ll go to protect them.

You did what you needed to do, bro. Now it’s time for you to get back on track.

We aren’t stupid, so I already know you haven’t been taking care of your mental health the way you’re supposed to.

Don’t let that shit get too far,” Duke warned me.

I nodded because there was nothing else for me to say.

He knew me better than most, so he easily picked up on my behaviors.

It felt like I had been in a never-ending manic episode, but I chose to ignore it.

I would eventually have to get back on my routine, but I didn’t want to think about any of that right now.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I smirked because I already knew who it was.

Juicy:

Bring this man back his tires, Soul. This shit isn’t funny.

Me:

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Juicy:

I know you stole Darion’s tires. You’re childish as fuck. I thought we had an understanding.

Me:

Tell that bitch ass nigga to get new tires. Those shits were bald asf.

Juicy:

You are ridiculous. I see our talk went in one ear and out of the other.

Me:

I heard you loud and clear. I’mma get my shit together, and then I’m coming for what’s mine. Enjoy your time with that lame ass square.

Juicy:

I hate you.

Me:

I love you too, Juicy. You have no idea how much. Send me a picture of my pussy when that nigga drops you off.

Juicy:

That’s never gonna happen.

Me:

That’s okay. I’ll just watch one of the videos I already have on my phone. Tell that hoe ass nigga to enjoy it while he can, cause once I get it back, I’mma wash it off and rewrite my name all over that pussy again.

Juicy:

Stupid ass nigga.

I stuffed my phone back in my pocket because there was nothing left to say.

I needed a little more time, but once I handled all of my loose ends, I was getting my bitch back.

My world didn’t make sense without her in it, and I would never accept her being with anyone else.

Some might call me a hypocrite, but I never gave a fuck about what anyone thought about me.

I meant what I said, so she had better be ready.