Page 42 of Search My Soul (Taylor Family Saga #3)

“I’m about to nut all in this good ass pussy.”

“Cum in me, daddy,” I purred, having no concern for the consequences.

“Fuck!” The two of us exploded together with Soul’s arms wrapped around me.

“I’m telling you right now, you might want to get on birth control. I’ve never been reckless before, but now that I’ve been nutting in your pussy, I’ll never pull out again,” Soul declared. I giggled, but I realized he wasn’t laughing with me.

“I’ll make my appointment this week because I don’t think we’re ready for a baby. We’re still in our honeymoon phase.”

“We’ll be in our honeymoon phase for a long time if I have anything to do with it.

” His lips brushed against the top of my head as I nestled into him.

As we lay on the couch together, I couldn’t help but think about our relationship.

I fell for Soul hard and fast, which wasn’t like me at all.

I couldn’t even explain when or how it happened, but I was completely consumed by him.

“You’re thinking so hard, your lace is about to start lifting. What’s on your mind?” My eyes rolled before I turned to face him. Running my nails through his beard, I admired the beautiful human in front of me.

“I’m still trying to figure out how we even got here. It feels like you cast some type of spell on me.”

“I warned you that night at the club. I told you this dick was an experience,” Soul remarked.

“Whatever. That isn’t what I meant. It’s way more than sex for me.

I feel this weird connection to you that I’ve never experienced with anyone else.

It’s scary, you know? I’m in foreign territory, and sometimes I’m tempted to run for the hills to avoid the heartbreak that I know is coming.

” Soul sat up on the couch with me, still cradled in his arms.

“Do you have any idea how much this scares me? I kill mothafuckas for sport, Juicy. I’m not someone who pretends to live a certain lifestyle for the aesthetics.

I’m a real killer. I’ve never been afraid of anything until you came into my life.

I might joke and shit, but what I feel for you isn’t funny.

It’s scary as fuck because I know how far I would be willing to go to keep you with me.

“I worry about whether I’m good enough or whether I can be the man you need me to be.

These are things I’ve never cared about a single day in my life.

You’ve opened up a part of me that I never knew existed.

You can run if you want to, but don’t be surprised if you wake up chained in my basement.

I hope that’s enough of an explanation for you. ”

Soul leaned down to kiss my lips as if he hadn’t threatened me. The two of us ended up falling asleep, and it was some of the most peaceful sleep I’ve had.

“Y’all following her around like she’s the one who feeds you,” Soul grumbled as Rosco and Apollo followed me around the kitchen. Soul swore they were bona fide killers, but they were the sweetest babies I’ve ever met.

“You sound like a real hater. Don’t be upset because they love me,” I teased, sticking my tongue out.

“Man, whatever. They are supposed to protect the house, but how are they gonna do that if their fat asses are in here slacking on the job?” Apollo wasn’t feeling his comment, and I swear he rolled his eyes at Soul before grunting.

“I don’t give a fuck how you feel. I’m the only one paying the bills in here. ”

“Baby, are you arguing with a dog?” I giggled, seeing the frown line etched across his forehead.

“Hell yeah. He’s over there looking like I’m interrupting him or something. I’ll put both of y’all bougie asses outside tonight.”

“Boy, please. My babies won’t be sleeping outside. Ain’t that right, boys?” Apollo and Rosco both moved closer to me as if they understood what was being said.

“I’ll put your ass out there too. I can’t believe I’m outnumbered in my own house.”

“You know how the saying goes. If you can’t beat them, join them.”

“Fuck all that. What are you cooking, baby? It smells good as hell,” he probed, hugging me from behind. I melted in his embrace, enjoying his warmth along with the scent of his cologne.

“I have some oxtail in the pot over there, and now I’m cutting up the onions and peppers for the cabbage. The mac and cheese is in the oven along with the cornbread.” I answered proudly.

“Damn, you’re in here throwing down. What you tryna do? Make me fat so nobody else wants me?” he joked.

“Your weight won’t matter as long as you’re still carrying that elephant trunk in your shorts. The hoes will always be there waiting.”

“Let me find out this dick is the only reason why you’re with me,” he whispered as he trailed kisses along my neck.

“Mmmm, don’t do that. I’ll mess around and let this dinner burn up.” I placed the knife on the counter before turning to face him.

“Trust me, there are a million other reasons I’m with you. The dick is a very nice bonus though.”

“Yeah, yeah. I hear you. I missed you. It seems like the more time we spend together, the more I hate being away from you. Murk and nem wanted to play Spades tonight, but I told them I would catch them another night. You might as well pack up your shit and move in. Then I would be able to see you every night.” His statement shocked me because I’ve never lived with a man before.

“You don’t think it’s too soon for us to be living together? Have you ever lived with a woman before?” I asked, knowing the answer already. Soul was very particular about everything in his home, and I wasn’t sure he would enjoy having a housemate as much as he claimed.

“Hell no. You’re the first one to ever get my real address. I’m very selective about who I allow in my space, and I don’t trust very many people.”

“Aww, I feel so special!”

“You should. Most people only see Rosco and Apollo when they are about to become table scraps. My sons love fresh bones.” Soul winked as if he didn’t say some wild shit out of his mouth.

“You are so crazy, and I must be insane because I love your unstable ass.”

“Speaking of that, I have something I need to talk to you about.” My heart pounded out of my chest hearing those words.

“Umm, okay. Can it wait until after we eat?”

“Yeah, sure.” His demeanor shifted, and it worried me. I decided to put it to the back of my mind until after dinner. If it was something bad, at least I would get to enjoy the food I cooked.

The energy at the table was awkward, and Soul seemed distracted throughout most of the meal. I wasn’t used to him being this way, and I wondered how bad his news was.

“You’re really quiet tonight. What’s on your mind?” I probed. The silence was killing me, and I was ready to rip the band-aid off.

“I need to tell you something, but I don’t want it to change the way you view me.”

“Lay it on me, baby. I’m sure it isn’t nearly as bad as you’re making it seem.” I tried to reassure him, but the faraway look in his eyes concerned me.

“I don’t get close to people, so this isn’t something I share often. However, I’m really feeling you, and I want to be open about my life.” I reached for his hand as he continued to speak. “I’m Bipolar,” he revealed.

“Baby, you didn’t have to tell me you were crazy.

I already peeped that a while ago.” I teased him until I realized he was being serious.

“Wait. You’re being serious. I’m so sorry, baby.

I wasn’t expecting you to say that. I’m not well-versed in the condition, so could you help me understand what it means for you?

” His face softened, and I could tell he wasn’t upset about my reaction.

“My moods shift during certain periods of time. Occasionally, I might go through mania episodes where I’m a little wilder than usual.

You might notice that I tend to sleep less during those times.

You’ll probably notice a lot of random things, such as shopping bags or packages, because when I see something, I have to have it.

My accountant has set up a mania account for me to use, so I don’t do anything too reckless, like buy an island or some shit. ”

“Are you on medicine to regulate your moods? One of my cousins had it, and my auntie would always complain when she went off her meds.”

“Yes, I am. I’m pretty good about taking it, but there are times when I do go off of them.”

“Are you supposed to do that?” I questioned. Since we’ve been together, I’ve never noticed him taking any medicine, so I assumed he took care of that when we weren’t around each other.

“No, but there are times when I need to tap into certain parts of my brain, and the medicine blocks that. I can’t really explain it without letting you into my other life, and I would like to keep you out of that as much as possible.

” A deep frown covered my face because I wasn’t feeling what he was saying.

“You don’t trust me?” I quizzed, wondering why he felt the need to keep things from me if we were supposed to be building together. Soul sighed, reaching for my hands after I pulled away from him.

“It isn’t as black and white as you think.

I wouldn’t be telling you this if my feelings for you weren’t real.

However, there are dark parts of my life that I don’t share in my relationships.

Even my sisters are kept in the dark about what I do for a living.

They know I run a drug operation, but it’s deeper than that.

Keeping that side of my life separate is for my protection as well as yours.

” I wanted to pry more because I wasn’t satisfied with his answer, but then I thought better of it.

He was opening up to me, so if he thought there was something I needed to know, he would tell me.

“Okay.”

“Okay? What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I appreciate you for sharing, and I trust that if there’s something I need to know, you’ll tell me.” I continued to eat, grateful that his news was something I could handle.

“So that’s it? I just told you that I have a mental illness, and you shrugged it off as if it didn’t mean anything.” Contrary to his words, his tone gave nothing away. I wasn’t sure if he was upset or surprised by my response. Setting my fork down, I gave him my full attention.

“I would never want you to think that I’m making light of your condition. I’m someone who likes to do my research when it comes to the people I love, so I’m sure I’ll be an expert on you before the month is out. I just don’t want to bombard you with a lot of questions at once.”

“This doesn’t bother you?” He seemed genuinely concerned, which caught me by surprise.

“Why would it bother me? This isn’t something you have control over.

It’s simply a part of who you are. How could I hold it against you?

I mean, I’m curious to learn more about it, but it doesn’t have any effect on my love for you.

” I shrugged, reclaiming my fork from my plate.

I could feel him staring at me, so I glanced up to meet his gaze.

I giggled because of the bewildered expression on his face.

“You love me, Juicy?” My eyes widened as I replayed my previous words over and over again.

“I-I didn’t say that. It was just an expression,” I blurted. Soul chuckled while I squirmed under his gaze. I’ve never told a man I loved them, and to be honest, I never thought I ever would.

“Come’re.”

I scooted my chair back and then made my way over to him. He pulled me into his lap, and I draped my arms around his neck. I couldn’t explain it, but this was where I felt the safest. Like nothing or no one could touch me as long as I was in his care.

My head rested on his chest, and I found myself getting lost in the rhythm of his heartbeat. We sat there in a comfortable silence for a while before Soul finally spoke up.

“My granddaddy was one of the toughest gangstas around in his day. If you ask him, he’ll tell you he still is.

When we were kids, he used to always tell us how important it was to find a woman who would accept our darkness as much as our light.

I didn’t get it then, but I’m beginning to understand it now.

I’ve never wanted to date because I was always afraid they would use my darkness against me.

My family has no choice but to accept every part of me, but with you, it’s different. ”

“Did you honestly think I would look at you differently?”

“I wasn’t sure, but it wouldn’t have mattered either way.” My brows dipped in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“I already told you, baby. We go together, and I’ll lock you in this house before I let you leave me. You ain’t never heard of Stockholm Syndrome?”

“I don’t know if I should be afraid or honored.”

“You don’t ever have to be afraid of me. Unless you do some flaw shit, then I can’t promise you won’t see the other side of me.” His tone was calm, but his words held an underlying threat. I wasn’t worried because I would never do anything to betray his trust.