Page 57 of Search My Soul (Taylor Family Saga #3)

Once I grabbed his medicine, I poured the correct pills in my hand and placed the bottle back where it belonged. Soul was in the shower, so I waited for him to finish up. I set the pills down on the nightstand then sat on the edge of the bed.

While I waited for him to come out of the bathroom, I reflected on our relationship for the last few months.

Although it happened so fast, I couldn’t help but smile when I thought of all the memories we had already created.

I had finally got my passport stamped after years of being afraid to travel out of the country.

I expected Soul to be uncomfortable in Japan, but he was the life of the party.

He made the natives smile even though they probably weren’t sure what he was doing most of the time.

I loved seeing him enjoy himself and step out of his comfort zone.

We tried so many new foods and really took advantage of everything they had to offer.

What I enjoyed most about our trip were the nightly walks around the city.

They were filled with peace and laughter as we talked about what our future would look like.

It shocked me to find out he wanted to get married one day.

I guess I assumed someone in his line of work wouldn’t want to settle down.

Soul was different though. For the first time in my life, I had a man who was intentional about what he wanted from our relationship.

He made sure to affirm his love for me and made it clear that he saw a future for us.

We had even discussed our future children and how we would navigate if any of them inherited his disorder.

I could tell it was something he thought about often and was more than likely one of the reasons he hadn’t had any children yet.

There was no cure or magical solution for bipolar disorder.

It was a lifelong battle that required patience, understanding, and firmness.

Soul wanted to make sure the woman he chose to create life with understood those things because he didn’t want his children to feel alone or misunderstood if it was passed down to them.

To be honest, it only made me love him more.

He was special, and even with all of his quirks, he gave me a love I’ve only ever dreamed of.

I would be a fool to let it go just because things weren’t always easy.

The sound of the bathroom door opening interrupted my thoughts, and I immediately got up from where I was sitting.

Soul stepped into the room and took a seat on his side of the bed with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Leaning over, I grabbed his pills and the water bottle before making my way over to him.

He was texting someone on his phone, so it took him a second to look up at me, but once he did, his eyes zeroed in on what I held in my hands.

There wasn’t much of an expression, so I couldn’t decipher whether he was still upset or not.

None of that mattered in the moment because I wasn’t going away until he took his medicine.

“Is this your way of saying I’m out of control?” Soul inquired, never taking his eyes off me. Instead of responding right away, I moved closer so that I was standing between his legs. He shook his head, then placed his hand on my thigh, stroking it gently with his fingers.

“You shot a man at a lounge without even batting an eye. To be honest, that wasn’t the only clue. You buying that hot dog toaster was a dead ass giveaway that something wasn’t right.” This time, he chuckled, then nodded his head.

“You might be on to something. I might have missed a few days. However, I would have shot that nigga regardless. I don’t give a fuck what’s going on, no man should ever feel comfortable enough to put his hands on you.”

“Did you really have to shoot him in the arm though? A warning shot could have sent the same message,” I reasoned.

“Nah, I couldn’t have. He was cradling you a little too tightly for me. I bet he understands the error of his ways. Touching something that doesn’t belong to you comes with consequences.”

“Are you still mad at me?” I murmured, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. It was something I did whenever I felt nervous.

“No. I had a moment to think about things. Plus, Patience called and cussed my ass out. As your man, I never want to see you acting crazy over anyone who isn’t me, and I would never give you a reason to act like that.

Once she explained the situation, I realized I may have jumped the gun.

I just feel this overwhelming need to protect you, and whenever there’s a situation I can’t control, I get a little upset. ”

“A little? Baby, there can only be one delusional person in this relationship, and it can’t be you.

I don’t like it when you’re upset, especially when I’m the reason behind it.

I thought you were gonna break up with me or something.

I was ready to come home and pull out my bag of tricks,” I explained.

“I’ll never leave you, but it doesn’t mean you won’t piss me off.

Hell, I know I get on your nerves at times.

It comes naturally with any relationship, so don’t trip about that.

I love you, Juicy. Even on the days we don’t understand each other or see eye to eye.

There isn’t anything you could ever do to get me to stop loving you.

” I appreciated his reassurance because I was wrapped in his love, and I never wanted to imagine a life without it.

“I love you too. It honestly scares me because I’ve never loved someone this deeply. The thought of being separated from you causes me physical pain. I never believed in soul ties until I met you. You bring out the best in me, and now I understand why they created the TV show Snapped .”

“Just when I thought we were having a serious moment, you want to be on some crazy shit. You might be able to fight a little bit, but you ain’t no killa, baby.”

“What does the song say, ‘I’m not a killa, but play with my feelings and I’mma turn your ass into kitty litter.’ Or whatever 2Pac said.” Soul furrowed his bushy eyebrows, and I burst into a fit of giggles.

“Bae, that’s not how the song goes.”

“Well, I like my version better. It’s more relatable.

” I shrugged, holding his pills out for him to open up.

He chuckled lowly, opening his mouth for me, then grabbed the water from me.

After he took his medicine, we stood in the same position for a while.

Soul held my waist while my arms were wrapped around his neck.

“I love you. I never thought I’d tell a woman that, but I swear it gets deeper every day that I’m with you.

You see me and not just the shit that everybody else sees.

You see the real me. The fact that you recognized that I was off my meds tells me that you really do pay attention to me.

I’m not used to that. My family loves me, but they don’t always see me.

“To my brothers, I’m the hot head. The nigga you call to handle shit or the one they judge when I do too much.

To my sisters, I’m the person they count on when something needs to be fixed in their lives.

If there’s any inconvenience in their lives, I’m the one they call to make things right.

I don’t mind it because my Pops made it clear that it was our role as brothers.

It’s just that everybody has all these expectations of me, but when I’m down bad, they don’t see me.

That’s why they always make comments about me being missing.

When I’m going through my shit, I try to stay away from them because I know they don’t get it. ”

“Have you ever tried to talk to them about how it makes you feel? I mean, if they were more aware of the signs, maybe they would be able to stay on you like I do,” I suggested.

I knew what it was like to be misunderstood by a family, but the Taylors were so different.

They genuinely loved one another, and I believed they would want to know how he felt.

“Hell no. What the fuck do I look like talking about my feelings to them?” Soul scoffed.

“Human, baby. You would look human. That is how communication is supposed to go. You tell people how they make you feel and then give them the opportunity to fix it.” Soul shook his head vehemently, so I already knew he wasn’t feeling what I was saying.

“I’m a street nigga, Juicy. What you’re saying goes against everything I’ve ever been taught.

Besides, I’m not tripping about my siblings misunderstanding me.

I’ve already accepted that shit for what it is.

I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you loving me enough to want to understand me.

As long as you get me, I don’t care if anyone else does.

“My family is gonna be here forever, and I love them the same way they love me. It won’t ever change. That’s just the way families are, and it’s cool. You want to fix everything, but all I need is for you to keep loving me. Can you do that?”

I crossed my arms with my lips poked out because I didn’t agree with his logic.

He deserved the right to express himself and have his family fully support him in the same way he supported them.

As his woman, I felt this sense of protectiveness over him.

I wanted him to feel whole, even if he didn’t think it mattered.

“I can see that little peanut head of yours thinking too hard. Let it go, baby.”

“I will for now, but not forever. The same way you love and protect me, I’m gonna do the same for you.

When I say I love you, that means that I’m always in your corner.

Even when you get on my nerves or I don’t agree with you.

I love you, Soulie, and I’m so proud of the man you are.

You might be a few crayons short of a sixty-four pack, but I never liked all those colors anyway.

” I giggled as he pulled me deeper into his arms.

“You’re silly as hell, Juicy. Let me find out you like your niggas crazy.”

“I had the biggest crush on the Joker when I was younger. He was so misunderstood,” I replied with a shrug.

“Man, get out of here with all that. I’d better be the only man you’re crushing on from now on.”

“Whatever you say, big daddy Soul.” We both laughed, and it shifted the energy in the room. I loved this man with every fiber of my being, and knowing he loved me the same made me feel so special.

Soul gripped the back of my head, pulling me into a kiss.

His lips were so soft and juicy. He hated it when I pointed it out, but I didn’t care.

It was one of my favorite features on him.

I moaned as the kiss grew deeper and more intense.

Before I knew it, we were naked as I rode him until we were completely spent.

I fell asleep with my head on his chest, and he was still planted inside of me.

These were the moments I lived for, and I prayed we would always be this way.