Page 16 of Search My Soul (Taylor Family Saga #3)

For years, my mother attempted to regulate my weight by denying me access to food or forcing me to throw up any food I ate that could cause weight gain.

Most young girls and teenagers developed a complex on their own throughout puberty and the effects of peer pressure.

Not me though. My mother was the sole person responsible for my issues with food and weight.

I tried my best to keep my face stoic so she wouldn’t know how much her words affected me.

It pissed me off that she could even get under my skin that way, because I thought that I had moved past it.

As a young girl, I was always on the chubby side, but I never thought anything of it.

It wasn’t until I became a preteen that my mother started hounding me about my appearance.

To her, my weight was a sign of negligence and laziness, two things that Carter women did not believe in.

She immediately began to put me on various diets, but of course, I was too young to fully understand the issue.

I wanted to be able to eat the same foods as everyone else.

However, she made it clear that there was a significant difference between my body type and that of my friends.

For years, I struggled with weight on and off.

During my teenage years, I developed an eating disorder where I would stress eat to the point of a stomachache, only to throw the food back up moments later.

It was a skill that my mother had taught me to help me maintain a manageable weight.

Of all the things for a mother to teach her daughter.

I still remember the pain from her forcing me to kneel on rice while shoving her fingers down my throat.

My chest heaved up and down as I attempted to mask my anxiety.

Part of me wanted to put my hands on her and make her pay for every single thing she ever did to me, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good.

Rochelle Carter wasn’t the type of person to apologize, nor would she ever take accountability for any of her wrongdoings.

There were times when I thought about telling my father about the things that I experienced, but I knew better.

Just as she loved him more than anything, he loved her the same.

In his eyes, she could do no wrong, and I would never be able to convince him otherwise.

Besides, he was too dependent on her to ever leave, so it would have been a waste of time.

So I suffered in silence and carried those thorns on my own.

“Yeah, well, maybe you should come down to the club and watch me dance one night so you can see exactly why those men don’t mind spending their money on me.

For the time being, I’m gonna get out of here before I tell you what I really think about you and your sorry ass parenting skills.

If you hear anything about the people who took Riya, call me immediately.

I need to know that she’s okay, and if this isn’t resolved soon, I’m calling the police.

I’m gonna figure out this money situation before it’s too late,” I assured them.

I wanted to scream, cuss, and cry, but there was no time for that.

I needed to figure out a way to get this money fast.

“I love you, sweet pea. I really appreciate you for even wanting to help me. Please know that if things don’t go the way that we plan, you are the greatest gift that I’ve ever received.

You have always been my shining star. Don’t you ever forget that.

” Even though I was angry and disappointed, I still loved him.

Leaning over, I kissed him on his cheek, making sure to wipe the lone tear from my face without anyone noticing.

Crying was a sign of weakness, and it was another thing that a Carter woman could never display.

You didn’t fold under pressure, no matter how hard it got.

“Goodbye, Mother,” I grumbled as she glared at me. I had no need for enemies in my life because the biggest opponent I’d ever had was the one who gave birth to me. I’d give her some credit because she taught me never to depend on anyone. Even family would turn their back on you for the right price.

“What the hell?” My eyes ballooned as my Uber pulled into my complex.

Right away, I noticed my front door was wide open, which struck me as odd because I’d never been the careless type, so there was no way I left it open when I left.

My nerves grew worse as I hopped out of the car and raced to my door.

As soon as I stepped inside, I could hardly breathe.

My living room had been torn apart, and my furniture was cut up. As I walked through the house, I noticed that none of my TVs or other expensive items had been stolen. Instead, it seemed like the only mission the perpetrator had was to destroy my things.

My heart beat wildly as I raced to my bedroom and into my closet.

I’d only told a few trusted people about my safe, but something in my gut was unsettled.

My room had been completely destroyed, and the drawers to my nightstand were pulled out.

All of my clothes were piled onto the floor, and when I stepped into my closet, my hangers were bare.

I searched high and low for the old shoe box I used to store my money in.

Most of my shoe boxes were on the ground, with the shoes missing from them.

Panic set in when I noticed a few stray dollars buried beneath the piles of clothes, but there was still no box in sight.

I could feel myself about to hyperventilate, so I stepped out of the closet to get some air.

The pungent smell of bleach caught my attention the moment I stepped out.

I followed the scent to my bathroom, where I discovered all of my missing shoes had been placed in my bathtub along with a few of my favorite dresses.

They were cut up and covered with bleach.

My eyes burned from the strength of the bleach, so I turned to walk back out.

It was then that I noticed the writing on the mirror that read, Hoe .

My heart shattered as I frantically tried to figure out who could have done this.

I didn’t have any enemies as far as I knew.

Besides, no one knew about my stash outside of the people I trusted the most, and they would never steal from me.

My spirit was completely shattered, not only because of the damage, but because now I no longer had the money to help my family.

I wasn’t the biggest fan of the police, but I decided to call them anyway so I could make a report.

Of course, they took their sweet time once they found out there wasn’t any immediate danger.

I texted my girls in the group chat with pictures and videos of what happened.

Puma called me immediately, and I broke down the moment I heard her voice.

There weren’t too many people I felt comfortable being vulnerable with, but she was my person.

She offered to come and wait with me because she didn’t like the idea of me being there by myself.

I told her no because she had no business being out this late while she was pregnant.

Murk chimed in and told her to lay her ass down and he came instead.

“You good, sis?”

“I don’t know.” I zoned out a couple of times as his people cleaned my house.

In all the years I had lived on my own, I had never experienced anything like this.

The neighborhood was decent, and outside of the occasional parties on the weekends, there was hardly ever much going on.

Puma kept telling me to get cameras installed, and I wanted to slap myself for not listening.

“I’m gonna put my ear to the streets and see if anyone has any information.

Twelve said it seemed like a personal attack because of the damage, and I would have to agree.

You have hella shit in here that could have been taken to a pawn shop or even sold on the street.

Whoever it was must have wanted you to be inconvenienced more than anything.

” I pondered over his words, and none of it made sense.

Yeah, there were a few bitches who didn’t like me, but this went beyond the scope of dislike.

Whoever did this held some type of hatred in their heart for me, and I had no idea who it was.

Murk made me pack a bag and paid for a hotel for me to stay in for a couple of days. I assured him it wasn’t necessary, but neither he nor Puma was comfortable with me sleeping at home.

“I have some stuff going on right now, but as soon as I get a chance, I’m gonna pay you back.”

“Yeah, you must be smoking that pure shit because why the fuck would I need you to pay me back? You tryna call me broke, sis? Do you think I walk around in fake designer or flea market drip? I can tell you’re prideful like P used to be, and I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told her.

Stop that shit. There is no such thing as pride when you’re dealing with people who care for you.

If you need something, all you have to do is ask, and I got you.

Do you understand?” What I needed was 50,000 dollars, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask for something so outrageous.

Besides, I was too afraid to tell people what my family was involved in.

My father had been a scammer for many years, and many people would avoid us because they assumed I was in on the schemes.

The last thing I wanted was for the people I loved to think I was a scammer.

“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.

I’ll try to do better, but I won’t make any promises.

Outside of Puma and Normandee, I’ve never had a real village.

I don’t really know how to let people help me,” I admitted.

My girls fussed at me about it all the time, but it was all I was used to growing up.

No one ever came to my rescue when I was in trouble.

I had to figure things out on my own or suffer through it.

“Well, you better figure that shit out quick because that ain’t how I operate.

The room is paid up for the rest of the week.

I understand you want to go home, but I’mma send one of my guys over there to see if someone returns.

It would give me more peace of mind, you know?

Here’s some money so you can get food and whatever else you might need to hold you over.

If you need more, let Puma know and I’ll send it over. ”

I nodded while panicking internally. This was going to mess up everything, and now the stakes were much higher.