Page 105 of Search My Soul (Taylor Family Saga #3)

“Why is she here?” I roared into the phone. These mothafuckas must have thought I was stupid, but I peeped there was something going on the moment she walked through the door. I studied Juicy our entire relationship. I could smell the hidden agenda from a mile away.

“I don’t understand what you’re asking me.” Duke played dumb, but I knew his ass too. I quickly hung up on him and called Murk, because I had a feeling his ass played a role in this as well. As soon as he answered the phone, I asked him the same question.

“Aye, Duke is calling me.”

“I just hung up on that lying ass nigga. Of course, he called you because the two of you set me up.” I snarled.

I couldn’t believe they pulled this shit on me.

It was like everyone around me refused to believe me when I told them I was okay.

As if I’m not hard bodied. They wanted to treat me like some weak minded addict that couldn’t keep my head on straight.

I still managed to handle all of my businesses, and the money was still rolling in.

Everybody was making this a bigger deal than it was.

“I’m about to add him to the call.” Murk clicked over for a moment before he came back with the other traitor.

“I thought we were brothers. After all of the shit we’ve been through and all the times I came through for y’all. This is some snake ass shit.” I hissed, keeping my eyes on Rosco and Apollo as they roamed through the woods.

“Look, man. I understand you’re upset, but this isn’t what you think.

I had nothing to do with her being there, but I’m not going to pretend it wasn’t necessary.

You thought we wouldn’t notice, but you forgot that we know you the same way you know us.

We’re worried about you, bruh. It doesn’t mean that I think you’re weak or that I think less of you.

To be honest, if I went through all of the shit you’ve gone through in the past eight months, I would have lost my fucking mind.

“All we want is for you to get back right. Those pills aren’t going to do shit for you but prolong the inevitable and fuck up your mental.

You almost died the last time you were on them.

I can’t call you my brother and ignore the signs when I see you going down the wrong path,” Duke expressed.

My anger wouldn’t allow me to accept his answer because I felt like he betrayed my trust.

“I agree with Duke. Puma overheard a conversation I was having, and she told Nee-nee. From what she told me, Nee-nee broke down and then told her she was gonna reach out to your family. Look, you know I don’t like to get in the middle of other people’s shit, but she loves you.

And I’m not just talking about in a romantic way.

I mean that girl stepped to your family and told them they were wrong for letting you spiral without trying to help you.

She cares about you and your well-being.

“I know y’all have been through a lot of shit, but maybe you need to take some time to really evaluate your next moves.

You relapsed, which is unfortunate, but it isn’t the end of the world.

Like Duke said, I would have done the same if I’m being honest. However, this can’t be a permanent solution.

It’s time for you to face your pain and deal with it head on.

You’re not the only person who suffers when you aren’t in the right head space.

The business suffers, your workers are left without a leader, and that woman out there with you doesn’t have her protector.

She might be cool with DJ, but we all know who her heart belongs to. She’s your family too.”

“Are you done?” I was over the emotional speeches.

A part of me wished I would have never even called them in the first place.

All it did was dredge up more feelings I wasn’t ready to deal with.

No one seemed to understand where I was coming from.

I had things under control. This wasn’t gonna be like the last time.

“Yeah, I’m done. I love you, Soul. It’s cool if you’re upset with us. To be honest, I would much rather you take your anger out on me than yourself. Right now, you’re trying to punish yourself for things that were out of?—”

“Don’t.” I cut Duke off because I already knew where he was going with his little speech. People liked to lie to you in an effort to make you feel better, but that wouldn’t work on me. The truth was that I was the cause of all of the loss and pain I was experiencing right now.

“Fine. I’ll let you go for now. When you’re ready to talk, you know where to find me.” Duke dropped off the line, leaving Murk and me.

“I’m gonna get off this phone too. I’m not gonna pretend as if I understand what you’re going through because I don’t. However, I need you to know that you’re not alone. You’ve got an army of people in your corner, ready to strike at any time.”

“I hear you. I’m about to head back inside.”

“All right, man. I’ll catch up with you later.” I got ready to hang up when I heard him call my name. “Aye, Soul!”

“Yeah?”

“Go easy on her. She’s only trying to help.

You might feel like you don’t need it, but don’t punish her because she cares.

In our world, it’s hard for us to find a woman who genuinely cares about our mental and physical well-being.

Don’t push her away. The two of you might be just what each other needs. ”

I hung up on him, not tryna hear anything else.

After I made sure my sons used the bathroom, I headed back inside the house.

I wasn’t in the mood to talk to Juicy, so I tried my best to avoid her.

Unfortunately, her fine ass was standing next to the stove when I walked in.

As angry as I was, I couldn’t help but to admire her body.

While we may have lost our son, he left his mark on her body.

Juicy always had a nice shape, but her ass was much bigger, and her hips were slightly wider.

Her breasts were large as well, and I noticed the growth of her hair when she laid on my lap earlier.

My baby momma was beautiful without even trying. She was still on my shit list though.

I decided to take a shower to calm myself down.

Little mama tossed all of my fucking pills out which meant I wouldn’t be able to get any until I went back home.

I hadn’t planned to return home any time soon, so this put a monkey wrench in my plans.

I was more upset about the sneaky way she did it than anything else.

For a moment, I thought she came here because she cared about me, but I should have known better.

I allowed the water to run over my head as I tried to clear my mind.

These last six months have been one big blur, and to be honest, I preferred it that way.

Emotions got in the way of business, and when you’re in my line of work, there was no time to be off your square.

After the meeting with Salvador, things became tense for everyone.

He wasn’t happy about the fact that we took Emilio’s life, but I couldn’t care less about his feelings.

A life for a life. Those were the rules in the streets, and nothing would change.

Eventually, we were able to sit down and come to an understanding that everyone could live with.

After my shower, I grabbed a towel before heading into my room. The temperature was off, and I realized my air conditioning couldn’t have been on like I thought it was.

Juicy walked into my room without knocking, and her nasty ass couldn’t take her eyes off my dick. Normally, I would have said some slick shit, but I wasn’t in the mood. My anger hadn’t subsided, and seeing her sympathetic glances only irritated me more.

I noticed her body jerk when I told her to get out.

My tone never rose, but it was obvious that my words affected her.

She only had herself to blame, so I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad for her.

Instead, I sent her on her way and got dressed in some hoop shorts and a graphic tee.

Since my pills were gone, I needed something to take the edge off.

As soon as I got dressed, I searched for my weed and rolled a blunt while sitting on the edge of my bed.

I lit the blunt and inhaled the smoke until it filled my lungs.

When I looked ahead, I saw my reflection in the mirror.

On the outside, nothing seemed out of order, but the darkness in my eyes caught me off guard.

I took a few more hits of the blunt then got up to place it in my ash tray.

I could hear my nana’s voice in the back of my mind telling me that I needed to retrace my steps.

Whenever we would lose something, she would always make us retrace our steps until we found what we were looking for.

When I went to rehab for my pill addiction, she gave me the same advice.

“You have lost yourself, my baby. It’s time for you to retrace your steps and go back to the place where you need to be.

It’s okay if you get lost along the way, but don’t ever forget the way back.

I know you feel like life is too much to handle, but I promise things will get better.

Pain isn’t something you run from, Soul.

It is a necessary part of life, to remind you that you are stronger than you even realize.

“There isn’t a way around it, baby. In order to get to the other side of pain, you must go through it.

No matter how uncomfortable it may feel or how badly it hurts.

You cannot grow into the person you are destined to be if you don’t face your pain head-on.

All you are doing right now is holding yourself back from the next step in your growth. ”