Page 74 of Search My Soul (Taylor Family Saga #3)

“I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking about this ice cream for a week. I know it’s gonna tear my stomach up later, but I don’t even care.”

“I feel you. Gram asked me to grab her some apple donuts from the apple orchard spot we used to go to as kids. Man, I’ve never tasted anything so good in my life. I ended up having to grab a separate bag of them for myself.”

“Fat ass.” I teased, while I proceeded to lick the bowl clean. I wasn’t even sure I would have the energy to do much else after I finished demolishing all of that food and ice cream.

“I’ll be that. Hell, I’m trying to enjoy my freedom while I can because it’ll be time for me to get back in the gym soon enough.”

“I think it’s really cool that you followed your dreams and made it to the NBA. Even though I used to hope and pray you tore an ACL or something.” Darion laughed as he set his food on the table.

“Damn, that’s crazy. I guess I deserved that.

I’m sorry about that. I know we’ve talked about it multiple times since I’ve been home, but I really am sorry.

I was young and stupid as hell back then.

You didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and I’m glad we were able to move forward.

” I swallowed the lump in my throat. I never realized how much an apology would mean until I got it.

When I saw him at the beach that night, the anger and disappointment came rushing back. When Puma collided with Darion, I wanted to crawl under a rock.

“My bad, mamas. Are you okay?” He observed her to make sure she hadn’t been injured. I scoffed, ready to get as far away from him as possible.

“I’m okay. I wasn’t watching where I was going. I’m sorry about that.” I glared at my best friend because she was being too nice to my archenemy, and I wasn’t feeling it at all.

“I didn’t catch your name, beautiful.” My eyes rolled because he was being extra if you asked me.

“You never asked. My name is Puma, and this is my girl ? —”

“Neeya.” The excitement in his voice pissed me off. What the hell was he so excited about?

“Don’t let my name roll off that dirty ass tongue of yours.” My arms were crossed to let him know I meant business.

“Come on, Nee-nee. Whatever happened between us was in the past. I’m a changed man now.”

“Boy, fuck you. I told you if you ever saw me again, to ignore me the same way your momma ignored those specialists when they told her to enroll you in Special Ed. Hell isn’t even far enough for you to go, but you need to get away from me.”

“You’re mad, and you have a right to be. I treated you like shit when we were younger, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for the way I hurt you. Can we please go somewhere and talk? I promise I’m not on any funny business.”

“You have two minutes, which is more than your thin-ass mustache deserves.”

“I deserve that one, but I promise I won’t waste your time.” I followed him to a spot not too far from where we were standing. I really didn’t want to be around him, but at the same time, I wanted to hear what he had to say.

“I’m sorry, Neeya. What I did was unforgivable, but I need you to know I’ve regretted it ever since. You were someone I cared for deeply, and it hurts me to know that I caused you pain.”

“Why did you do it? I would have been hurt either way, but she was my family.”

“I was an idiot. When I came to the house looking for you, Kamesha answered the door. I asked her where you were, and she said she couldn’t tell me because she didn’t want to get you in trouble.

It didn’t make sense to me, but then she let it slip that you were with somebody else.

I didn’t believe her at first, but then she said you had been lying about your dance classes so you could sneak around.

It was a punch to the gut because I was in love with you and I thought the feelings were mutual.

In hindsight, I should have waited until you came home so we could talk about it, but instead, I allowed her to play with my head.

I can’t put all of the blame on her because I could have made better decisions.

I’m truly sorry for hurting you and ruining our relationship. If I could take it all back, I would.”

Looking back on things, I guess I should have done more digging myself, but you live, and you learn.

“So, what’s the deal with your baby daddy?

” The question caused me to pause, but I wasn’t surprised by it.

When Soul saw us at the restaurant, I worried that he would explode, but instead he left.

I won’t pretend like my feelings weren’t hurt that he walked out without making a scene because the Soul I’d grown used to always turned up behind me, but instead it seemed as if he was no longer interested.

At least not in the romantic sense. I still wasn’t sure how to swallow that pill.

“What about him?” I looked up at Darion’s handsome face. He still looked the same as he did when we were young except his goatee had grown in.

“You don’t talk about him much, but it’s clear that he’s around in some capacity.”

“Outside of my doctor’s appointments and occasional check-ins, we don’t run into each other very often. I explained.

My heart was filled with so much conflict concerning my relationship with Soul.

The fact that we were having a baby together but weren’t together was a tough reality.

I often found myself questioning the situation and trying to see things from his perspective.

However, it still didn’t erase the pain I felt in my heart when he tried to kill me.

As painful as it was, I didn’t think there was any coming back from that.

Hell, I’m sure he felt the exact same way.

It was one of those things I wasn’t sure we would ever get closure on.

“Do you still love him?” Darion’s question was simple, but it brought so many emotions up. I’ve never experienced love the way I had with Soul and there was a part of me who believed I never would again.

“It’s complicated. I do love him, but we won’t ever be together.

” Darion knew nothing about my past because I refused to tell him.

One of the reasons was because I didn’t think he would understand, and also, I didn’t want Soul to be painted in a negative light.

Regardless of what happened between us, he wasn’t a monster.

“Understood. Do you think you’ll be interested in dating after the baby comes?”

“To be honest, I haven’t given it much thought.

Right now, my only focus is my little boy.

He’s my priority at the moment. I’m not opposed to the idea of dating, but it would have to be someone with patience and understanding.

I know what it’s like to have a male centered mother and I would never put my child through that.

My son comes first and everything else in my life has to come second.

” Darion nodded his head, and I could tell he had some things on his mind.

“What’s that look about?” I probed, noticing the shift in his energy. His eyes were soft when he turned toward me, and it kind of made me nervous.

“I haven’t been honest with you.” I squinted my eyes at his revelation.

“Okay, and what does that mean exactly?” My heart rate began to speed up as I waited for him to say what was on his mind.

“I’m really feeling you. I know we had our conflict in the past, but the moment I saw you at the beach, I couldn’t stop staring.

You’ve also been a beautiful person, but it’s so much deeper than that now.

When I see you, I see strength. I see a person who has overcome and grown into an incredible woman.

I want to get to know the person you are now.

” Butterflies rumbled in my belly and my hands grew sweaty.

“Wow, I don’t even know what to say. I’m glad we were able to move past things from the past. I missed our friendship more than anything.

Right now, I’m in this awkward stage in life and I don’t think a relationship is what’s best for me.

I still want to hang out and get to know this version of you, but I can’t offer you anything more than friendship.

I’m still healing from a lot of things, and if I try to give you my heart, someone will end up hurt. ”

I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone, but I knew that I would if I didn’t take this time to heal. My heart still belonged to the man who broke it, and I didn’t want anyone to get hurt in the process of me moving on.

“I can respect it. I still want to spend time with you. Like you said, baby boy is the main focus in your life as he should be. However, I want you to know that I’m here.

If all you have room for is a friend, then that’s what I’ll be.

It doesn’t mean I’m giving up hope though.

We have history, and I believe we could be what each other needs.

Plus, I happen to think I would make an excellent step daddy.

” I smirked at the last part of his statement.

Not many men would even want to take on such a huge responsibility, but I appreciated the fact that my baby wasn’t a deterrent for him.

“Sir, please. What do you know about being a step daddy?”

“Nothing, but I could figure it out. I know one thing; little man will know how to shoot a lay-up by the time he turns two.” Darion lifted his hands up and gestured as if he was shooting a basketball.

“You are a nutcase. Do you know that?” I laughed so hard my belly moved. This was one of the things I loved about him. Darion was funny without even trying.

“I’m dead serious. My pops had me on the court before I could walk.

My first word wasn’t mom or dad, it was ball.

By the time I got to kindergarten, I was unstoppable.

I always told myself if I had children, I would pass my love for basketball onto them.

” His declaration warmed my heart. Even though the future was unsure, it was nice to imagine a peaceful life for myself and my child.

We talked for a while longer until it was time for him to leave.

We hugged goodbye and I almost wanted to ask him to stay.

However, I stopped myself because the last thing I needed to do was complicate things.

I’d messed up enough around me, and it was time for me to sit down and get my shit together.