Page 81 of Search My Soul (Taylor Family Saga #3)

“He’s beautiful. He completely stole your whole face,” Patience whispered behind me as I sat in the chair staring at my son.

I remember growing up, they would always say there was nothing more innocent than a child.

As I stared into my son’s face, I couldn’t agree more.

He was an angel in every sense of the word.

For the first time in my life, words failed me. I had no idea how to convey the emotions that were running through my mind in this moment. I was partially numb, and it was probably for the best because if I allowed myself to feel, no one would be safe.

“I don’t want to ask if you’re okay, because I already know the answer. However, I want you to know I’m here for you. Whatever you need, I’m here and ready,” Patience reassured me while rubbing my back.

“Me too. I love you so much, brother, and I wish I could take this pain away from you. I know you would have been the most amazing father.” Adore bent down in front of me, causing me to take my eyes off of my son.

Tears raced down her face, but all I could do was blink.

My emotions were dormant as I watched everyone around me break down.

“I appreciate it. I’m cool.” The sympathetic expression on her face let me know she wasn’t buying it. Her, Lovely, and Patience had been hovering over me for the last forty-eight hours. I knew they were worried about how I was holding up, so I just let them do their thing.

“Can I give him a kiss before I leave?” she asked. I nodded my head as I watched her stand up.

“I love you so much, little one. Your nana and papa are gonna be so happy to see you. I know they are going to spoil you rotten up there in Heaven.” My jaw flexed at her words, but I said nothing.

Right now, the idea of Heaven seemed like a cruel joke that I wanted no parts of.

People thought telling you that your loved ones were in a better place made things easier to accept, but that was a lie.

There was no better place for my son than right here with me and his momma.

My eyes shot back to my handsome baby boy, who never got to take his first breath.

I wondered if he was as disappointed in me as I was in myself.

He looked like the spitting image of me, but I was curious if he would have carried my personality as well or would he have been calm and loving like Juicy.

I guess none of it mattered now because he was gone.

I would never have the opportunity to hear him speak or take him outside to shoot hoops.

My sisters took turns kissing him before doing the same to me. I loved my sisters to death, but I was glad they were leaving. They had been crying on and off since we got the call about Juicy. While I understood their emotions, I just wasn’t in a place to deal with them.

“We love you, Soulie. I’m so sorry, brother.

” Adore kissed my cheek once more before they left the room.

I didn’t bother to get comfortable because I knew it would only be quiet in here for a moment.

Puma and Normandee were on their way to check on Juicy again.

They sent me a message to ask if I needed anything before they got here, but I told them no.

The one thing I needed, nobody on Earth could provide.

No sooner than I finished my thought did I hear a knock at the door. Little man’s hat kept slipping off, so I adjusted it. I smirked when I saw his hair peeping from the beanie. Juicy complained about heartburn often and now we knew what the culprit was. Baby boy had a head full of black hair.

“Hey. I know you said you didn’t need anything, but we brought you some extra clothes and stuff for you to take a shower.

Murk packed it for me, and he told me to tell you that they are on their way to get a package for you.

He said it will be ready whenever you are.

I have no idea what that means, but he said you would understand.

” I locked eyes with Puma and nodded in understanding.

Her eyes were filled with concern and sadness.

“Good looking out,” was the only response I could muster up. Normandee greeted me as well, but I could tell there was something on her mind.

“What?”

“If I tell you something, will you promise not to look at me weird? I tossed and turned all night debating on if I should even say anything or not,” she rambled on.

I could tell from her body language that she was nervous which was unusual for her.

Instead of responding, I simply waited for her to continue.

“Since I was young, I’ve always been a vivid dreamer.

It wasn’t until the night Tycen was shot that things became more intense.

When I started talking to Tycen’s mom about it, she said that I was a dreamer.

I know I’m rambling and I’m sorry. I do this when I get nervous.

Anyways, she explained to me that it was a spiritual gift.

Sometimes, I’ll dream about a specific thing, but there’s a deeper meaning behind it.

” I stared at her as if she had lost her mind because I had no idea what she was talking about.

“You’re looking at me like I’m a nutcase, but I promise I have a point.

The other night I had a dream about you.

You were sitting in a dark room, crying with a gun to your head.

I can’t really say what you were getting ready to do, but something shifted.

The doors opened and this beautiful woman stepped into the room.

She seemed so familiar, but I’ve never seen her before.

Her back was facing me, so I couldn’t get a good look at her.

She kneeled down in front of you, and she removed the gun from your hands.

She set it on the ground then turned back to face you.

“You asked her if she was really there and she responded, ‘I’ll always be here to save my little prince. Your work on this Earth is not finished, and I will not allow you to give up. I know it’s hard, but you are stronger than you realize.

It isn’t your time yet.’ She kissed you on the cheek before she disappeared.

Last night, she came to me in another dream, only this time I could see her face.

She shared similar features as you, and I realized who she was right away.

“She told me that you are stubborn and that she had to come back to make sure her message was clear. She said ‘Tell him Zion is safe with me. I know he won’t listen to me, but vengeance is in the Lord’s hands.

’ She also mentioned something about a bear.

She said, ‘Zion has Theo now and he’ll watch over him the same way he watched over you.

’ I don’t have a clue what any of that means, but I pray it makes sense to you.

She wouldn’t leave me alone until I delivered the message. ”

My heart damn near beat out of my chest as I processed the message she had delivered.

There was no doubt in my heart that the message was meant for me, and for the first time a tear slipped from my eyes.

Of course, my mother would make her presence known at a time like this.

She knew her son, so she made sure to give her motherly warnings even though she knew I wouldn’t take heed to them.

My nostrils flared as I tried to gather my emotions.

This wasn’t the time for me to let my feelings out.

There were still some things I needed to handle before I could fully grieve the loss of my son, but at least I had confirmation that he wasn’t alone.

People would be waiting for me to let my guard down so they could come after my family, and I would be damned if I allowed that to happen.

I stood up from my seat, with my little man cradled in my arms. I failed him, and I would have to take that loss on the chin, but regardless of my mother’s message, I would have my revenge.

I’d sacrificed too much for this family for them to think for one second I was going to let this slide.

Leaning down, I kissed the top of his cold head, vowing that his murder wouldn’t go unanswered for.

Shit was about to get real sticky around this mothafucka.

I placed him back in the incubator before making my way over to Juicy.

Seeing her hooked up to all of these machines was surreal.

If we weren’t already done, I knew this would be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

She would never forgive me for letting our family down, and I couldn’t blame her.

I didn’t protect them, and now our baby was gone.

“When she wakes up, let her know that everything has been handled. The doctors say she should be awake within a few days. They are going to allow her to spend time with him before they have to transport him to the funeral home. If you have any questions, let your husbands know and they will get the message to me,” I explained.

This was the most I’ve spoken in the last few days, and the sound of my own voice seemed foreign.

“Wait. Why does it sound like you’re not going to be around?

You do realize when she wakes up, someone is going to have to tell her what happened.

How can you leave at a time like this? What about the funeral?

Are you going to skip out on your son’s funeral?

She needs you, Soul. Now isn’t the time for you to shut down or walk away.

This is a major loss for the both of you.

Don’t you think she needs you by her side right now?

” Puma ranted. I took no offense by her tone because I knew how deep her love ran for Neeya. However, I couldn’t be what she needed.